Daughter stayed at moms house, need to give gift

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Linen

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 12:08 am

My 18 year old daughter has been boarding at my moms house this year for schooling. We live OOT. I'd love to get my mom/parents a gift as a token of appreciation. I'm willing to spend a few hundred dollars. Can I please please have some suggestions? Thanks so much.

pgk

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 12:14 am

Nice set of linen?

amother

Plum

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 12:31 am

Can your DD snoop a bit to see what is missing /broken/needed? I don't mean really snooping, more just noticing stuff.

amother

Linen

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 2:22 am

Thank you both. Linen she doesn't need. She just refreshed all the linen in the house. I happened to have been there recently, and couldn't come up with something she "desperately" needs hence my asking for suggestions. Anything else?

salt

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 2:27 am

A voucher for a shop she likes. Book shop, clothes shop, home-ware, etc...
She'll be able to use it when she wants for what she wants.

essie14

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 2:49 am

Amazon gift card is the best gift, IMO. Or a gift card to a store you know she really likes.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 3:48 am

If your mom is the type, a voucher for a spa day.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 6:22 am

Jewelry, but something meaningful.
For example, if you remembered the best trip ever as apple picking get her a small apple on a chain.
Or maybe a heart to show how much you love her

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 6:23 am

You don't need to. You want to. And that's nice. Do make sure she won't be hurt you thought she needed a gift for having her granddaughter over. My own mom would be livid.

noosheen

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 6:40 am

A nice frame with a. picture of your daughter and her?

If your daughter is still there she can take a picture of the 2 together.

Whoops just saw u want to spend a few hundred dollars. Don't think a frame would cost that much!
But it IS personal and I would love that if it were me!

Last edited by noosheen on Mon, Jun 12 2017, 6:49 am; edited 1 time in total

salt

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 6:42 am

Ruchel wrote:

You don't need to. You want to. And that's nice. Do make sure she won't be hurt you thought she needed a gift for having her granddaughter over. My own mom would be livid.

I can understand being hurt if she were to want to pay her mother, but a gift, to say thank you? Why is that hurtful?

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 6:49 am

It's hard to put into words... It's a mix of
a gift isn't paying but it's one step under
it means it's something really exceptional - think of resistants refusing medals lehavdil lehavdil
it means you may have felt you were imposing her with your daughter which is her grandchild

I don't know if I would be hurt too or if it's an old generation thing, but I have asked my mother years ago after reading of this on Imamother and she was like "in family??"

first time mom!

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 7:01 am

A plant
A pretty vase
A nice dish
A painting for her wall
Pretty soaps for her bathroom
Monogrammed hand towels for washing (with a stand type of thing if you want to spend more)
A washing cup
A piece of silver
A challa board or cover
A new tablecloth. Maybe a leather one.
A coffee machine

Iymnok

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 7:11 am

My feeling is to think sentimental, not practical or financial. Something with a picture of your DD with your mother. Nicely framed, a mug, an apron if they cooked together a lot this year, mounted on a birkas habayis sign...
Only spend a lot of money if it's something your parents will appreciate. I'm sure they don't want you wasting your money on them.

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 7:29 am

Ruchel wrote:

Well, it depends on the family dynamics. A young grandma who still has children at home or who is still interested in the daily care of teenagers may think nothing of having a grandchild live with her for the school year.

Other grandparents, no matter how much they love their grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them, have moved to another stage of life: perhaps working harder at their careers (or retired and traveling more), perhaps less patient with children, perhaps looking forward to having freedom from daily parenting responsibility, perhaps older and slowing down. It could be a real imposition for some to have a teenager in the house again.

It is suitable for a parent to express gratitude for assistance given by the grandparents. (If the grandparent is not wealthy, contributing to the cost of caring for the child might be part of the arrangement, but that's just business.) A nice dinner out, a spa day, a heartfelt note...depends on the recipient's preferences.

Personally, I would refrain from giving housewares, as I know my mother would not appreciate them and I don't like receiving them. Many older people have what they want and don't want clutter, and to me these things are not special enough for the situation.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 7:41 am

Donation to tzedakka that means a lot to your mom
Voucher to use at the orchestra
Voucher for photography of grandkids

cbs880

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 9:26 am

plane ticket to somewhere they would want to go.
florida?
israel?
cruise tickets if they are the type.
My mil has a few grandchildren boarding at her house. I can tell you, no matter how amazing the child, it's a "burden". I hear about it plenty, and I see how much she has to work. Of course she does it with love, but that doesnt take away from the fact that it has an effect on her daily life...
I think a nice generous gift would go a long way to show appreciation to what she is doing for your child!

amother

Linen

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 10:14 am

cbs880 wrote:

My mil has a few grandchildren boarding at her house. I can tell you, no matter how amazing the child, it's a "burden". I hear about it plenty, and I see how much she has to work. Of course she does it with love, but that doesnt take away from the fact that it has an effect on her daily life...
I think a nice generous gift would go a long way to show appreciation to what she is doing for your child!

Exactly! You hit it on the spot. It's a burden no matter how easy, sweet, old, amazing etc etc the grandchild is. My mother was extremely hesitant to do it at first. Although she claims it went better than expected, it affected her life no matter what! Thank you all for the suggestions! Keep them coming!

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 12:19 pm

Quote:

It could be a real imposition for some to have a teenager in the house again.

I agree. Still, don't show you know or don't make her feel like you realize.

It is suitable for a parent to express gratitude for assistance given by the grandparents.

I agree. Just use words, or even a card, maybe.

Quote:

(If the grandparent is not wealthy, contributing to the cost of caring for the child might be part of the arrangement, but that's just business.)

Of course. If you manage to get them to agree.

madys

Mon, Jun 12 2017, 2:32 pm

Are they in NY? Maybe tickets to a broadway show?

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