Who pays? | Imamother

amother

Cyan

Tue, Jun 13 2017, 2:43 pm

Who normally pays for a second wedding?
How does the couple manage to pay after living on a single parents wage.

Do I need to start saving up??

amother

Amber

Tue, Jun 13 2017, 2:45 pm

I assume that the couple pays, but a second wedding is generally a small, modest event.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Jun 13 2017, 2:49 pm

you should always save... it may be for this, or for something else. Once you have the savings - you can decide what to do with it.

I know parents who contribute to their children's second wedding - and some who don't. I don't think there is a 'normal'.

SixOfWands

Tue, Jun 13 2017, 3:03 pm

amother wrote:

Who normally pays for a second wedding?
How does the couple manage to pay after living on a single parents wage.

Do I need to start saving up??

Your parents weren't obligated to pay for your first wedding, and they're certainly not obligated to pay for a second. Although it is possible that they would like to help, particularly if they have the resources to do so.

You and your fiance may well decide to have a more modest affair, with just immediate family and close friends. Or a larger crowd, but in the shul social hall with desserts and wine. Either way, I think that you should anticipate that you and your fiance will be paying most of the cost.

Savta S

Tue, Jun 13 2017, 3:46 pm

DS & his wife paid for their nice wedding, second for both. We gave a generous gift. But we also had no input into the wedding. A friend of mine in a similar situation, paid for her DS's second wedding.

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 9:03 pm

I was planning to elope. Fly to where my almost dh lived and just get married in the rabbis study. I wanted to get married, but didn't want to plan a wedding.
Then I heard about a camp wanting to sponsor a wedding, all they needed was a chosson and kallah. So we volunteered. And had a fantastic and memorable wedding day!

watergirl

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 9:19 pm

In general, these "who pays" threads are pointless, as different strokes for different folks. Everyone has a different experience, and these threads set people up to be hurt and have the wrong expectations.

Having said that, for my second wedding, Dh and I paid for almost the whole thing, my mother paid for the meal (we only had one sheva bracha, and it was a limited guest list after the simchas chasson v kallah), and my in laws paid for some of the food for the simchas chasson v kallah. The "hall" was free.

cnc

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 10:19 pm

amother wrote:

That's awesome! I remember reading about it!!

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 10:27 pm

watergirl wrote:

Having said that, for my second wedding, Dh and I paid for almost the whole thing, my mother paid for the meal (we only had one sheva bracha, and it was a limited guest list after the simchas chasson v kallah), and my in laws paid for some of the food for the simchas chasson v kallah. The "hall" was free.

lol. so what exactly did you pay for?

this is like when people say "my parents paid my college and my rent and bought me a car, but I paid my own insurance and phone bill. I did it all on my own!"

amother

Chartreuse

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 10:34 pm

amother wrote:

lol. so what exactly did you pay for?

this is like when people say "my parents paid my college and my rent and bought me a car, but I paid my own insurance and phone bill. I did it all on my own!"

this is like when people come onto imamother to make rude comments.

amother

Tan

Thu, Jun 15 2017, 10:58 pm

amother wrote:

lol. so what exactly did you pay for?

this is like when people say "my parents paid my college and my rent and bought me a car, but I paid my own insurance and phone bill. I did it all on my own!"

Wow. Lets see. We paid for all of the food that we served other than what his parents bought, which was minimal. Like cake, other refreshments, pastries, drinks, fruit, veg, etc. Band. Photographer. Invitations. Wine/liquor.

Rolling Eyes