what to do when teenage son secretly communicating with girl

amother

Mon, Oct 01 2007, 6:38 pm

then my dear you do not have teens

nobody is calling anybody a liar shock

I am sending out a caution signal, to keep more alert - in case

Clarissa

Mon, Oct 01 2007, 6:59 pm

amother wrote:

then my dear you do not have teens

nobody is calling anybody a liar shock

I am sending out a caution signal, to keep more alert - in case

I'm sorry that your teens have lied to you, my dear. I'm happy to say that I never lied to my parents when I was a teen, about absolutely anything. And I have a very open relationship with my children and hope they never feel they have to lie to me, about anything. If they do lie or simply avoid telling me the truth, I hope to accept it as a part of them becoming adults and needing some privacy, and wanting to proceed in life without needing my constant approval. I know how teenagers are, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Ruchel

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 7:11 am

amother wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

amother wrote:

They kissed but that's all.

If that's what she admitted to you - certainly you didn't expect her to admit the whole truth.

some girls trust their mother

tell me about it - they only make the mother think that so they let up

I am sorry you had such an experience. I can tell you I trusted my mother 100% and still do.

greentiger

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 7:13 am

Me too Ruchel.

Although if my mother were the type of lady to assume I'm sleeping around after I tell her I kissed then I can assure you I wouldn't be telling her even that!

Ruchel

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 7:14 am

amother wrote:

then my dear you do not have teens

But I have been one.

I agree about still paying attention and all though.

Tefila

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 8:35 am

Quote:

I think one of the most important things to point out here, and it looks like noone mentioned it, is that you need to make sure to keep the lines of comunication open between the two of you.

Yes with this part of your post I am in complete agreement there.

B"H thats one thing I can say that with all my kids they know they can talk and confide wether it's nourishkiet or something important, since if they dont have u then they WILL go elsewhere and who knows if the others advice influence would be better Exclamation

amother

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 9:52 am

Its not the worst thing in the world for your son to have started talking to a girl that he met over the net, even at that age.
I met my husband over the net when I was 14 and he was 16. But we werent in touch all those years. We were in and out of touch, and then got married when I was 18 and he 20.
Thats the HAPPY story about good benefits, and how it isnt so terrible.

But if I were you, I'd first ask your son if he honestly feels he's ready to get married now, and if she's ready to get married now. If they say so, ask him where they plan on living, getting supported, until he realizes that its not really feasible for him to be marrying a girl in high school...
And then I'd tell him that even if she is THE one now, he doesnt know where life could take him over the next few years, and he doesnt know if she's still gonna be "the one" based on where his life will take him over the next couple of years.
And then maybe you could share this SAD story that happened to my husband.
He had a girlfriend that he met over the net when he was 17. They went out until he was 19, and they knew that the other one was "the one" and they'd marry when they were older. Hashem had other plans, and as they grew up and became a little more mature, she went into the chabad derech and he chose a different derech. And they realized that they couldnt possibly have a happy marriage with such different life directions. And they both were VERY VERY broken hearted when they inevitably broke up. Turns out she or he wasn't "the one". And they both ended up just hurting themselves, doing things physically that they both regret (because that generally happens in a long drawn out relationship), etc.

I'd suggest to my son if he were in your sons situtation the story I just said.
I've heard someone say that the satan interferes in serious relationships, especially before marriage, to do anything to stop the wedding. In other words, he can cause fights to break up the relationship, so that these basherts dont get married. Long term relationships that arent marriage are generally destined for failure because of the satans intervention. I'd tell your son that.
And then reccomend that if he really thinks shes the one, he should get out of touch with her for the next while (for both their benefits), and in the meantime, they both should do what they'd need to prepare themselves for married life. And then when they feel ready to get married, they should reopen the lines of communication, and see if life led them in the same direction...

Thats what happened with me and my husband. 5 years later, when he was ready for marriage, he got back in touch with me, and life had led us in the same direction, and we were mat'im for each other, and we ended up getting married.

But don't forbid him from anything. Just give suggestions. If you forbid, they'll just resent you and continue behind your backs...

greenfire

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 9:57 am

Tefila wrote:

B"H thats one thing I can say that with all my kids they know they can talk and confide wether it's nourishkiet or something important .

hey at least you are a good "nourishkiet" er ...

chocolate moose

Tue, Oct 02 2007, 10:55 am

When we went through this, with bothkids, we could only say to ourselves, at least our kids are normal (not gay). Small consolation, but .....

amother

Tue, Oct 23 2007, 3:48 am

You should ne happy he is not a faygalla .