13 yr old Unfiltered Internet help!

amother

Green

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 4:49 am

I just found out that my son has been using dhs office computer thought this school year on many occasions with permission but without supervision, having unfiltered Internet.

I guess I can assume that he sw the worst?
How do I approach this? should I seek professional help? And if so who? Any therapist specializing in teens?

I'm so frustrated about this. If he has seen inappropriate stuff, will this impact his future life? Will he be able to get past it?

imasinger

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 5:53 am

Not every person using unfiltered internet uses it for the worse.

Ask someone knowledgeable to help you check the browsing history on that computer.

But as a few months spent on imamother can reveal, a whole lot of guys have seen inappropriate images at some point, and still become good frum yidden and talmidei chachamim.

If the answer to anonymom's question is no, then install a filter, and at some future point, have a chat about the importance of filters and the dangers of the internet. Gently/casually ask him if he has any questions, or ever saw something he didn't understand or thought might be bad.

And then stop worrying.

doctorima

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 10:06 am

As others have said, don't jump to conclusions. It may be innocent, and that's just the easiest computer for him to access, not because of the lack of filter. It's quite easy to check the browsing history on a computer so that you can see what he's been up to (hopefully you won't find problems with DH's history!). Once you see what he's been doing you can make an informed decision about how to proceed. And for everybody's peace of mind, install a free filter like K9 to avoid such scenarios from coming up again.

SixOfWands

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 10:45 am

amother wrote:

Chill.

He didn't do anything behind your back. He asked for -- and received -- permission to use that computer.

You don't know that he looked at naughty photos. But even if he did, in the grand scheme of things, most boys will see a photo of a nude woman at some point in their teens. Many will see even racier things. In the olden days, boys furtively looked at National Geographic; now its the net. And the vast, vast, vast majority of these boys (and girls ... don't let's pretend its just boys) are just fine.

Unless you see evidence of anti-social or other troubling behaviors, leave it alone. Don't even check the computer history. (Which might well reveal things you'd rather not know about your husband as well.) Its done. Move on.

But, and I say this gently, you may want to speak to someone yourself. The knee-jerk reaction that a teenage boy who might have done something that, well, most teenage boys at least try to do at some point in their lives, won't be able to get past it, will have his future impacted, and other over the top things, isn't good for you. And its terrible for your children. Your kids (sons AND daughters) will get past having been curious and looking at a few naughty images. They are less likely to get past being told that this is not simply inappropriate, but something that is so terrible that it will adversely impact their entire future.

Channel Elsa. Let it go.

amother

Plum

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 12:20 pm

amother wrote:

While you are a bit over reacting by wondering about therapy so soon, but I did want to say that I do understand your concerns - more than most posters seem to. Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one who thinks like this.

Is there a school counselor or mashgiach who you can speak to about your concerns?

petiteruchy

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 1:44 pm

When I was 13, I found a very explicit [filthy] magazine in a field near my house. This wasn't even like a sketchy abandoned lot or anything, but a regularly used nature area and dog walking spot. We didn't even have a computer and I still had been exposed to inappropriate images before entering highschool. Not scarred, not damaged, just grossed out, curious, and later, thinking back, a little amused.

Also, unless your son was using this computer in a completely empty building, he wasn't unsupervised. Maybe you would prefer he be more CLOSELY supervised, but if he was in the same area as his father and other co-workers, with chances of interruptions etc, he is unlikely to have found anything too disturbing or damaging.

Anyway, this is a great opportunity for you to open dialogue with your son about internet safety, about who you want him to grow up to be, about self control ( if he could have accessed something and chose not to, if he did, in fact, give into his curiosity) etc.

Instead of panicking, turn this into a positive. Worst case, he saw something he shouldn't have, and you have a chance to build his ability to deal with future experiences. There's also the chance he used it completely appropriately, and he should be praised for that as well.

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jun 14 2017, 2:42 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Once again agree with your post, except that I think she should check the browser history if she's in such a panic. She can then calmly ask him if he saw anything and if he has any questions. Then let it go.

To op,

I was shown [filth] a number of times when I was only 10 years old. I found it quite nauseating, but other then that it has effected my life, absolutely not at all. I still find [filth] nauseating, though. Maybe it's due to my early exposure. But probably not.