Daughter wants to be a dad when she grows up

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 11:12 pm

seeker wrote:

You are deeply overthinking this. Most kids don't even think that hard into their answers (I'm assuming this is a preschool yearbook. Half of them just copy each other. Your DD is BH an independent thinker.) I think all it means is that she loves her dad and considers him a good role model. This is a positive thing. It doesn't put down your connection. Even if it does, kids at that age tend to swing back and forth between "favorite" parents, changing a few times as they fill different developmental needs.

And I'm going to go a step farther, and this may sound harsh but I mean it kindly, you and your daughter will both benefit if you can get past the type of insecurity that this post expresses. If you're going to worry that the bond between your daughter and her dad is a negative reflection on you - well let's just say I can't see that leading anywhere good. She needs you to support this relationship.

No of course I want her to have a relationship with dh! It's just my own insecurities I guess. I've been having some really stressful months and have not paid too much attention to her. ( she's four) I guess I'm just worried that I'm not being nurturing enough.

Petra

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 11:13 pm

Hey OP. I'm the authoritative parent also and my DH is the fun, reckless one. For that reason, my kids adore him and generally know if they want to have some fun "go ask dad first". On the one hand, this makes me realize I'm not the soft cuddly mommy I pictured myself to be before kids. Alas, I've reconciled with it. Someone has got to be responsible. On the other hand, I'm so thankful my kids have a daddy that they adore. Both my father and my husband's father were the types to fear and not be close to. So, your kid has two great parents! Wow.

shanie5

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 11:13 pm

My son wanted to be an alien. from outer space. We just laughed. Today he is married and learning in kollel. (OK, so he IS in boro park which we sometimes consider its own planet Wink

)

zaq

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 12:59 am

pamom that's so cute!

salt

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 3:42 am

One of my DDs used to think that first you're a baby, then you're a girl, then you grow into a boy, then a woman then a man.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 7:14 am

salt wrote:

One of my DDs used to think that first you're a baby, then you're a girl, then you grow into a boy, then a woman then a man.

One of my sons thought the opposite. That everyone starts out as a girl but some kids get an upsheren and become boys, lol.

Ruchel

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 7:39 am

Please don't be frightened, and don't listen to the enlightened crowd who will say you need to encourage this either...

PAMOM

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 8:26 am

Ruchel, OP is worried that the child prefers her father, NOT that she wants to be a man.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 8:27 am

Ruchel wrote:

Please don't be frightened, and don't listen to the enlightened crowd who will say you need to encourage this either...

Rochel you didnt understand this thread

Ruchel

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:00 am

Well, from the type of things I read on English speaking groups, unfortunately YES I understood that, because people are obsessed over it when it's just not a topic in the random family in my country.

Prefer her father because she says so? It wouldn't cross my mind. Maybe she prefers what he does around the house to what her mom does, yes.

amother

Ruby

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:21 am

When my brother was little he said he wanted to work in a cigar factor. He was really into it, making fake cigars out of gummed paper and pretending to smoke them. The funny thing was that our dad has always been vehemently against smoking after watching his own father suffer from smoking related health issues.

In the end, he became a financial analyst (and has never smoked ;-) )

OP, I understand your fears abut your DD preferring your husband over you. I don't think this wanting to be a dad is indicative of that but even if she DOES think she prefers daddy, she will grow out of that phase.

Between the ages of 2 and 4, my DD used to say she loves daddy LOTS and me just a little. If I said things like "come and have a hug, baby," she'd say "I'm not your baby, I'm daddy's baby!" She went through a phase of screaming if I went to her at night instead of my DH.
I was devastated! I even posted about it on this site ;-)

She's 5 now and doesn't do this kind of thing anymore. She'll come to either of us for hugs and has started to appreciate the different things she does with each of us. She loves to help me in the kitchen or read books together but she also likes going to the park with daddy.

sushilover

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:43 am

My daughter occasionally asks wistfully, while looking in mirror, " when will my beard grow? " LOL

amother

Beige

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 10:40 am

I am from a pretty frum family and recently took my 6 year old daughter to shul for kabbalas Shabbos - it was a calm night, Shabbos was early enough, so I walked with my husband and all the kids to shul.

After services, my daughter told me that she feels so bad for all the women because they need to sit behind the curtain and can't lead the services or do any of the main parts. So when she grows up she wants to be a lady rabbi (on the weekends, and a doctor during the week) and she is going to provide lady only services so that everyone can feel comfortable.

Now what do you say to that!!

zaq

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 10:59 am

I say more power to your dd. She can be a physician and a yoetzet Halacha. If Rabbi Drs. whose Dr. is MD not PhD or DHL or JD can do it so can your dd.

amother

Copper

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 11:21 am

My kids also always tell me that they love daddy more than me.
He is the fun one who buys them presents, takes them out and gives in to everything they want.
I would sometimes feel hurt when they said it, but now I am just happy that they have a father who would do anything for them and who adores them. I didn't have that and I am happy for them that they do.

I have also realised that although on the outside it looks like they love him more, its not nessesary the case.
My kids feel safe with me because I set boundaries. Whereas my dh can't always set boundaries and loses it with them (they don't take it very seriously)

To be honest, I would be happy if my daughter said tshe wanted to be a dad when they grow up. A healthy and loving father-daughter relationship is sooo important , I know, I didn't have one.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 11:55 am

One of my nephews wanted to change his name to Singer, so he could be a doctor and a singer. (He's a lawyer). Another wanted to be the guy who hangs off the back of the garbage truck; he said his sister could drive the truck. (They're both doctors.) One of mine wanted to be a train. We told him that he has to be a human when he grows up, but he refused to believe that. (He's studying to be an actuary.) Another wanted to be the first shomer Shabbat player in the NBA. (Still in high school; short.)

I wouldn't worry.

SixOfWands

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 11:56 am

amother wrote:

https://www.jofa.org/

http://www.yeshivatmaharat.org/

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 12:05 pm

amother wrote:

You can be short and be in the NBA. Just saying.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 12:33 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

You can be short and be in the NBA. Just saying.

I love him, but he's no Muggsy Bogues.

amother

Pewter

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 5:35 pm

I wouldn't worry about this, or make a big deal about it. For all you know, she may not even remember her answer, maybe the teacher misunderstood what she said, or even wrote down another kid's response instead. She may have also answered, "I want to be LIKE my daddy" not "a daddy" and the teacher wrote it wrong. (Maybe your dd thinks he has a cool job, or does other things she'd like to do..) Don't worry about this one little thing. If you notice other signs in the future, then explore a little further. We live in a crazy, crazy world, so you are totally normal to jump to a concerned level, but don't worry over this one little thing.

My oldest 2 daughters are 14 months apart. For YEARS they wanted to marry each other. Smile

They even said their first names as one long word. Then one of them moved on to wanting to marry their uncle instead. They are now 18 and 19 have obviously let go of that! Smile

Also, I have a dd who has a lot of teeth issues due to being sick when she was around 6 months. At one point she was missing half her teeth (when she was 3, way too young to look like she lost them on her own!). And the ones that weren't missing were a mess. She wants to be a dentist. Smile

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