Why would the school choose him for a midos award?

amother

Peach

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 6:24 pm

My son bh graduated elementary school yesterday. The school gave out 3 middos awards to 3/30 boys. They chose a boy who got kicked out of class several times. Has and is very disruptive in class. He is very chuzpadik to his rebbeim and teachers. How could they possibly choose him? There are plenty of other boys who have never done anything like that and were not acknowledged. What message are you sending the class by picking the class clown?

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 6:58 pm

Maybe the school felt he could use a boost.

When I was a teen and worked as a counselor I chose best camper awards according to who needed it, as opposed to who deserved it. Like the girl with two sick sisters, or the one who didn't have a father...

It's a piece of paper, everyone will forget about it except for the awardee. It can affect his life forever.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 7:08 pm

amother wrote:

You are incorrect. Not everyone will forget about it. Not the super well behaved boys who always did the right thing and always fell through the cracks. Not their parents either. Because money, politics, bribery and stupidity make up the boards of these yeshivas that male the great boys feel like losers, and reward bad behavior with honor. Shame on them. When will this ever end??

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 7:17 pm

amother wrote:

The parents will understand because they are adults and know that we don't live in a utopia. "Money, politics, bribery and stupidity" have governed our lives for hundreds of years and will not end.
The good boys know they are good, and it's their parents job to make sure they know it and don't feel like losers.
The good boys didn't moderate their behaviour for years because of a chance at a middos award.
Besides, 14 is not too young to learn about disappointment.

SixOfWands

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 7:23 pm

amother wrote:

Anyone who holds a longtime grudge because someone else won a middos award, or who spends a lot of time whining about other kids in the class, probably wasn't a good candidate to win a middos award in any case.

He won it because he's made huge strides in his behavior and attitude and, while still far from perfect, the school wanted to recognize him for his hard work.

He won it because while occasionally acting out in class, he took the kid that everyone else made fun of under his wing and protected him.

He won it because he quietly collected a lot of money for tzedakah, which no one else knew about.

He won it because what OP's child reported to her as "chutzpadik" was actually a respectful and questioning attitude, and the teachers liked that.

He won it because, unbeknownst to OP, his baby brother is very sick, and he runs home from school every day to look after all of his other siblings so his parents can be with the baby.

He won it because its the Miss Congeniality of awards, and the only one left for him.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 7:31 pm

It's funny - was talking to my sis yesterday, and her 12 year old DD got a middos award in school. She happens to be an absolute sweetheart. The kind of girl everyone would think of when giving a middos award. Of course, my sister is very proud of her. She's a lovely young lady.

My girls say that more often than not, middos award goes to a certain personality. It goes to a girl (or boy) who doesn't necessarily work hard to get it. Some kids just have that blessed, easygoing personality. They are the darling of their class and their teachers. Everyone loves them. But they are not necessarily the kids who worked hard on some aspect, and as others have posted, it's not necessarily growth that is being acknowledged.

One of my girls happens to be rather spunky...but I remember times as a kid where she tried really hard but of course wasn't noticed....she says, for example, that she was never, ever camper of the week in daycamp. It bothered her, because sometimes she tried hard...and sometimes just gave up and figured she may as well enjoy herself and not try, because it doesn't help.....

If the school actually chose a boy who at some point decided to try hard, then that's nice. Who knows?

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 8:08 pm

amother wrote:

I totally am on board with what you are saying!!

MagentaYenta

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 8:25 pm

amother wrote:

I'm so sorry you feel this way. You seem bitter. I hope you can find your way out of it. If this system sucks so much, you may want to change it from the inside, or choose an alternative.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 8:26 pm

Chayalle wrote:

If the school actually chose a boy who at some point decided to try hard, then that's nice. Who knows?

Then perhaps he should have gotten an award for effort or progress or something similar. But giving awards for other reasons that its actual intent dilutes the intended purpose of it.

Even if good middos comes naturally to a person, why shouldn't he or she be awarded or acknowledged for it? Great singers, great musicians etc are always acknowledged. Why shouldn't people with inherently good middos, or great academic abilities be acknowledged as well? If you want awards to account for something, it should go to the most qualified one, regardless if it came easily to them or not.

WhatFor

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 8:39 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sure ymmv, but I've never heard of a private Jewish school giving out awards for great singing skills at the eighth grade graduation. Jewish values focus more on efforts in self-growth, not inherent abilities that you were born with.

No doubt, inherent abilities should still be encouraged and built on, but we don't give out "most laid back awards" any more than we give out "prettiest" awards.

I may not agree with a midos award (who can judge anyone's internal struggle) but to the extent that it's given, I don't think there's one way to define which kid had the best midos. Why assume that the teachers were wrong? Because op's son came home and spoke about a classmate's horrible midos? That's not great midos either.
And who knows? Maybe this kid had horrible midos but the rest of the kids were just godawful atrocious. There's always that.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 8:49 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

I'm so sorry you feel this way. You seem bitter. I hope you can find your way out of it. If this system sucks so much, you may want to change it from the inside, or choose an alternative.

Sometimes taking away the award from the intended person (even for noble reasons) can be quite be painful for that person. I can totally relate to that 'bitterness' you describe. I was raised in an emotionally abusive home, with a severely narcisstic mother. I had little self-esteem, no self-worth, and no love whatsoever. My mother kept me on a very short leash and I had no social life either. In short, life was miserable. The only thing I had going for me was that I excelled academically, far beyond any of my peers. That annual award for academic excellence meant so much to me. It validated that the one positive thing I had in life actually was a worthy thing and to actually hear good words about myself was really uplifting. That lasted until a new principal arrived and the 'rules' of the award were changed. "Academic excellence awards were now awarded to the students who try the hardest, because effort is what actually counts." This was really really painful for me and it obliterated any vestige of self-esteem I had managed to maintain till that point. Especially being a child, I wasn't in any position to rationalize in any way. But I managed to maintain my facade of indifference and cheer along with the rest of the students and no one had any inkling of how hurt I was inside.

Very often the teachers and administration have no idea what's going on in a child's life. A seemingly well adjusted child could be so broken within. Don't take away from one child to boost another. If someone needs a boost, find a different way how to do it.

amother

Azure

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 8:56 pm

WhatFor wrote:

My comment wasn't relative particularly to schools, it was relative to life. Everyone is talented in a different way. Some are great singers, some great dancers and some are intelligent and some have great characters. Why shouldn't intelligence or middos be acknowledged in the same way singers are? Should we take a musical award and give it to a person who's learning how to properly carry a tune? School is about teaching lessons for life, not keep the kids in a bubble.

The schools can find different ways how to acknowledge a child's effort and boost his accomplishments. It doesn't have to come on the expense of other children.

And I don't think its bad middos for a child to come home and discuss his confusion with his parents. Children are not dense, they can recognize good and bad middos. If a child with known bad middos is awarded a good middos award, wouldn't it cause some confusion? And who else should he discuss this issue with, if not his parents?

amother

Azure

Tue, Jun 20 2017, 9:04 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

He won it because he's made huge strides in his behavior and attitude and, while still far from perfect, the school wanted to recognize him for his hard work.

He won it because while occasionally acting out in class, he took the kid that everyone else made fun of under his wing and protected him.

He won it because he quietly collected a lot of money for tzedakah, which no one else knew about.

He won it because what OP's child reported to her as "chutzpadik" was actually a respectful and questioning attitude, and the teachers liked that.

He won it because, unbeknownst to OP, his baby brother is very sick, and he runs home from school every day to look after all of his other siblings so his parents can be with the baby.

He won it because its the Miss Congeniality of awards, and the only one left for him.

If any of these would be the case, shouldn't this information be put forth when the award is granted? We are dealing with kids here and many, if not most, will come away with the wrong impression.