Why would the school choose him for a midos award?

Laiya

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 11:56 am

amother wrote:

Here's my funny little story. We know a boy whom everyone thinks has the richest parents at the school. He doesn't, but that's another story altogether. I cannot tell you how many times people have said, "that kids gets away with everything because of who his parents are." Except, well, he doesn't. His parents are called into school twice a week. He's had privileges that every other kid in the school gets taken away from him. They've come down hard on him. He's been suspended a couple of times. But everyone just assumes that he's getting away with things that he's not. That said, if he ever won a middos award, I'd think it was appropriate. Because however he acts IN class, he is incredibly kind and generous OUT of class.

The answer is that no one but the school knows what is going on, and why this child was chosen.

All we know is that it shows horrible middos to trash a 14 year old boy, in public, even if you're not using his name.

You're giving the school a LOT of credit there, with the bolded. A LOT.

Fox

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 11:58 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I'm kind of with Jeanette on this. My DDs' school gave an award to each girl, but it just didn't play in Peoria, as they say. Some awards were obviously more equal than others; some were obviously stretching ("Clementine always has a smile!"); and some were outright fibs ("Prunella is always the first to clean up!"). Honestly, the teachers deserved an award for creativity in coming up with some of them!

It's as if we've reversed things: we give participation awards in situations that really are contests with winners and losers -- thus depriving our kids of learning how to win graciously and lose gracefully. Then we turn around and select "winners" and "losers" for things that, in fact, aren't contests.

And look at all the misery this generates: here we have story after story from grown women describing in detail the memories of how destructive these stupid awards were for them or others.

I'm curious to hear what teachers and/or administrators have to say about this. Why do we do something that everyone seems to hate? Handing out graduation awards is hardly a helige mesorah that we're keeping . . .

Laiya

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 12:04 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I'm not the type to be all "Yay, everyone's a winner!", but in this case I would give each child a personalized award, explaining which middos are their best. Friendlilest, most improved, most respectful, hardest working, etc.

THAT would be meaningful, and give the parents a lot of nachas as well. Middos are for everyone, not just the best of the bunch. DD loved the kind things teachers wrote on her report card, and would read them over and over again, like she was drilling it into her head. Think of all the good that each kid could get out of a few nice words at the end of the year.

One of my kid's schools tries to say a few words about each boy as he's called up for his diploma. I think it's really sweet, but also at a certain point starts to sound very repetitive. Many boys were praised for their smile, or hasmada, or creativity, etc.

Eta. Cross posted with Fox but she said it so much better!

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 1:13 pm

amother wrote:

Our high school gave out a medal for all around excellence. There was a girl who genuinely deserved it - smart, kind, talented, all around a great girl. But unfortunately for her, she was the daughter of the gvir who pretty much kept the school financially afloat. They didn't want to look like they were favoring her (the principal told us when we asked later) so they gave the award to a lovely girl who wasn't nearly as deserving. I still remember her crying at graduation, but then washing her face and coming back to congratulate not just the winner, but her parents and grandparents. And then thanking all the teachers for a wonderful year. She definitely deserved the middos award.

So....Rosh yeshiva's grandson got an award, principal's son got an award, and the president of the board's son got two awards. There were 6 awards altogether, with two boys getting each one.

SixOfWands

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 1:26 pm

Fox wrote:

Well, at least they didn't give Prunella the "most likely to become a terrorist" award. https://www.washingtonpost.com.....f03c1 Creativity should have its limits.

I think that awarding students for achievement is a good thing.

I think "participation awards" are fine if the class has 40 students, and 23 of them would get some award in any case. No one should be singled out as undeserving.

I think that its more than a little sad for parents to be so invested in a middos award, of all things, to publicly complain about it. I think its even sadder for people to remember those things years later. It -- well, it just seems to show terrible middos.

saw50st8

Wed, Jun 21 2017, 1:57 pm

I think it's ok to award a kid for reaching his/her potential, even if that potential is much lower than someone else's. But there should be both types of opportunities - for some kids, even participating is a big deal.

Really, schools can't win. If they give the award to the kid with the best middos, that kid may very likely also be the top student, the kid with the most chessed hours etc. So then parents will complain about the one kid who got 15 awards when their kid got none. If they spread the wealth a bit, parents complain about giving an award to a kid who doesn't appear to deserve one as much.

Each kid should be celebrated for reaching their own potential. That doesn't take away from individual awards for achievements either.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 9:00 am

my dd goes to a very new small montessouri school. They had a "graduation" for the end of the year for the 1st-3rd graders. There were no "awards" given but the teachers split up the kids and each kid was called up and one teacher spoke about that child. They didn't just say oh such a nice child for each child, they really individualized it and the kids really appreciated it.

In my high school in 12th grade they had an award ceremony seperate from the graduation. Each student got an award and had a teacher speak about them. I know one friend was annoyed about what award she got and I understood why but she really appreciated the way the teacher spoke about her. I think getting rid of the awards and just having the teachers speak about each child would work better but it's not so easy....

amother

Lime

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 11:02 am

amother wrote:

Maybe the school felt he could use a boost.

When I was a teen and worked as a counselor I chose best camper awards according to who needed it, as opposed to who deserved it. Like the girl with two sick sisters, or the one who didn't have a father...

It's a piece of paper, everyone will forget about it except for the awardee. It can affect his life forever.

I totally disagree that everyone will forget. My daughte was great but because she did not improve from trash to a little less trash she did not deserve. She was good and went to great. Not good enought . These awards are mostly for kids who were trash and improved into less trash. Whicked rishudige system! I explained my daughter that this is very fake and the ratione of the school . She stil was chalishing for it. Year after year she was longing for it and trying hard. @$!#/^&*()@$!#/^&*() system.

Also my husbamd saw in cheder they were drawing something while he was a staff member and they decided to find and pick the child they wanted and had the nerve to say later how bashert that it came out a boy that deserves it. Ehile the whole staff knew it was bogus !!! Make sure your child knows of these frauds

SixOfWands

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 11:25 am

amother wrote:

How DARE you refer to someone else's child -- a child whom Hashem created, and Hashem loves -- as "trash."

You're complaining about your child not receiving a middos award while referring to children as "trash." Then again, I guess that being raised by someone like you, any middos she displays is extremely admirable.

amother

Copper

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

You know what's more "wicked" and "rishudige"? Calling CHILDREN trash! Children are not trash!

yksraya

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 9:07 pm

amother wrote:

well, she did say her daughter was the one with the good middos. Just because she calls other kids trash doesn't mean that her daughter should lose out on the award she deserved.

Maybe her great kid also calls others "trash". Kids learn what we model. Perhaps she just doesn't consider name calling as bad middos...

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jun 22 2017, 10:08 pm

[When I was a teen and worked as a counselor I chose best camper awards according to who needed it, as opposed to who deserved it. Like the girl with two sick sisters, or the one who didn't have a father...]

BTW even very young kids can feel that they are treated better because they're unfortunate. It can often cuz a lot of harm.