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How does one know that it's time to quit ima?
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amother
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Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:08 am
What
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amother
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Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:10 am
In the exact same way one decides whether to quit any hobby. If there is more bad than good resulting from it, then it's time to quit. Whether it's a relationship with a friend, a job, or my husbands fanatical obsession with the Yankees.
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amother
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Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 9:53 am
But he didn't quit, did he? Wink
I think maybe I should say something awefull on ima, someinr will report my post and that's how I'll be banned, never able to come in again?
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relish




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 10:08 am
I like to look at things differently.

Your mind is for some reason prioritizing imamother over other responsibilities. You realize that it is affecting your quality of life in other areas.

Maybe look into what you are gaining from imamother on a psychological perspective and see if you can make an improvement in your lifestyle that can full in that gap in ways that are more preferable to you.


----------------soap box moment ------------

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Stop telling the world to put down their phones. Instead, teach them how to fill the void instead with other activities.

Yelling about_______use makes people feel bad about themselves and continues the cycle.

Teaching them self regulation and life skills may take more skill on a preacher's part, but it can "do it the same but better" and leave the crowd feeling good about themselves and their choices.
/end rant
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amother
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Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 10:47 am
relish wrote:
I like to look at things differently.

Your mind is for some reason prioritizing imamother over other responsibilities. You realize that it is affecting your quality of life in other areas.

Maybe look into what you are gaining from imamother on a psychological perspective and see if you can make an improvement in your lifestyle that can full in that gap in ways that are more preferable to you.


----------------soap box moment ------------

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Stop telling the world to put down their phones. Instead, teach them how to fill the void instead with other activities.

Yelling about_______use makes people feel bad about themselves and continues the cycle.

Teaching them self regulation and life skills may take more skill on a preacher's part, but it can "do it the same but better" and leave the crowd feeling good about themselves and their choices.
/end rant


Thanks for your knowledgeable response. I relish it. LOL
I hope ima won't bash things up one day and all my other posts will be outed and available to everyone under my SN....
Yes. I know my strength is helping people. But
Talking about my weak parts, nit being able to control myself is one of them.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 10:53 am
I've been thinking the same thing.
I see a lot of negativity here. I've posted serious issues that I was grappling with and got anonymously bashed, ridiculed and attacked. even despite the 2-3 'nice' and supportive comments I recieved, it did much me much more harm than good.
I ended up going over and over some of the comments in my mind, especially the prersonally attacking ones, wondering if they were true (and comforting myself that these people dont know me and hid behind imamother!)
the truth is that I dont know anyone in my life who has their claws out like what I've seen here. I think people can be judgey, nasty and belittling and show their true colors in a way that they never would in real life when they can be anonymous. I am sure that most of the ladies here are nice in real life.
I've had enough. I'm leaving.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 12:55 pm
amother wrote:
I've been thinking the same thing.
I see a lot of negativity here. I've posted serious issues that I was grappling with and got anonymously bashed, ridiculed and attacked. even despite the 2-3 'nice' and supportive comments I recieved, it did much me much more harm than good.
I ended up going over and over some of the comments in my mind, especially the prersonally attacking ones, wondering if they were true (and comforting myself that these people dont know me and hid behind imamother!)
the truth is that I dont know anyone in my life who has their claws out like what I've seen here. I think people can be judgey, nasty and belittling and show their true colors in a way that they never would in real life when they can be anonymous. I am sure that most of the ladies here are nice in real life.
I've had enough. I'm leaving.

When you are asking advice for a difficult situation, keep in mind that:
Those who are wise enough to understand usually know that sometimes it's better to say nothing, than to say something that may be harmful.
Those who don't know or understand tend to say the wrong thing. These people don't even know to think, so there are a lot of people like this who post.
Those who are really qualified probably don't answer those kinds of posts for fun.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 12:58 pm
amother wrote:
I've been thinking the same thing.
I see a lot of negativity here. I've posted serious issues that I was grappling with and got anonymously bashed, ridiculed and attacked. even despite the 2-3 'nice' and supportive comments I recieved, it did much me much more harm than good.
I ended up going over and over some of the comments in my mind, especially the prersonally attacking ones, wondering if they were true (and comforting myself that these people dont know me and hid behind imamother!)
the truth is that I dont know anyone in my life who has their claws out like what I've seen here. I think people can be judgey, nasty and belittling and show their true colors in a way that they never would in real life when they can be anonymous. I am sure that most of the ladies here are nice in real life.
I've had enough. I'm leaving.


I see many more kind and helpful comments here recently than negative hurtful ones. I don't know what your post was about that brought about such a negative reaction....

There are haters everywhere on the internet. But Imamother is pretty decent overall, recently. Some years are better than others here. Lol.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 1:12 pm
amother wrote:
I ended up going over and over some of the comments in my mind, especially the prersonally attacking ones, wondering if they were true.


I promise you those posts that were going over and over in your mind were not worth your precious mind space.
When posters are nasty about things like politics or communities, it's each individuals choice not to take it personal.
But,
Whenever someone says something nasty to a personal issue, make sure to take it with a grain of salt; it might be an abusive person altogether, a troll or a person whos advice you would never ask for oinr trust in real life.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Wed, Jun 21 2017, 1:18 pm
gold21- I don't know which thread the amother is talking about but I know someone posted a question recently about what to do when your friend is too busy for you but still wants you to confide in her. The op made it clear that she was ok with the fact that her friend was too busy. She just didn't want to have to talk about her stress with someone who would be too busy to respond. So many people seemed to bash her and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why, it was like many posters were being triggered that she was some sort of needy friend even though she clarified that that wasn't the case.
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amother
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Post Fri, Jun 23 2017, 10:31 am
I just heard a shiur from Rabbi Wallerstein last night. He was saying that when Klal Yisroel complained about the mohn, Moshe Rabbeinu felt he could not longer lead them because he could not relate to any taiva for food.

Then he said he once spoke for a group of yesmomos, it seemed to be going over well til one girl asked, "did you have a Mommy when you were seven?" and he said yes, "and do you have a Mommy now?" and BH he does, and the girl just walked out because she felt he could not understand her.

And then he talked about a girl in the hospital for anorexia who said she has not interest in getting back and going back to the real world. What he told her is that he wants her to get better because then she'll be able to help other anorexic girls, and girls who want to give up, in a way he can't, because she can understand their pain.

So this makes me think that we need to really think about whether we can help others because we can truly empathize with their situation.

(BTW I have been working very hard on finding more productive outlets and have taken a hiatus from imamother several times. But then I keep coming back. Like the person who can easily quit smoking, and the proof is he's done it many many times!)
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Fri, Jun 23 2017, 10:40 am
amother wrote:
I just heard a shiur from Rabbi Wallerstein last night. He was saying that when Klal Yisroel complained about the mohn, Moshe Rabbeinu felt he could not longer lead them because he could not relate to any taiva for food.

Then he said he once spoke for a group of yesmomos, it seemed to be going over well til one girl asked, "did you have a Mommy when you were seven?" and he said yes, "and do you have a Mommy now?" and BH he does, and the girl just walked out because she felt he could not understand her.

And then he talked about a girl in the hospital for anorexia who said she has not interest in getting back and going back to the real world. What he told her is that he wants her to get better because then she'll be able to help other anorexic girls, and girls who want to give up, in a way he can't, because she can understand their pain.

So this makes me think that we need to really think about whether we can help others because we can truly empathize with their situation.

(BTW I have been working very hard on finding more productive outlets and have taken a hiatus from imamother several times. But then I keep coming back. Like the person who can easily quit smoking, and the proof is he's done it many many times!)



Whoa! Heavy stuff! I disagree with your premise though. I really don't think that most people log on to this site thinking "I hope I can help someone today". Sure some threads are helpful but most simply aren't. I think ima is mostly intended to being an interesting outlet and something fun and interesting to do. Not to mention the issues you mentioned were orphans and anorexia and very often the issues here are....help! Need Kugel recipe asap! There's no need to be able to relate on a deep level.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 23 2017, 12:55 pm
amother wrote:
Whoa! Heavy stuff! I disagree with your premise though. I really don't think that most people log on to this site thinking "I hope I can help someone today". ...


There are recent threads on the topic. A number of the regulars have admitted to being here to help others. Some are spot on with their advice, Frantic Frummie comes to mind. Even when she is down, she has a hand out to lift someone up with good advice.
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crust




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 23 2017, 1:05 pm
amother wrote:
Whoa! Heavy stuff! I disagree with your premise though. I really don't think that most people log on to this site thinking "I hope I can help someone today".


I dont think its conscious thinking; "I hope I can help someone today". Its a subconcuois thing that happens by instinct. You log on and see someone in a situation you were in, why not share your insight?

Then, when you realize you have helped people, it becomes a nice site to be on.
The depth lays in the accomplishment of helping people. (although some days you can be bashed for innocently trying to help but being misunderstood, in which case accomplishment is not the exact feeling... but that's for a different discussion.)
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sat, Jun 24 2017, 1:21 pm
amother wrote:
What

perhaps have an honest conversation with yourself: or write it down. I find writing to be very therapeautic and revealing.

- the reason/s you are thinking of leaving imamother?

- what makes it so hard for you to leave?

hope this helps.

Smile
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sat, Jun 24 2017, 7:17 pm
Quote:
I really don't think that most people log on to this site thinking "I hope I can help someone today".
My intention was more that we could have more helpful and friendly discourse if people would avoid making unhelpful comments, particularly when they've never been in the shoes of the OP.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sat, Jun 24 2017, 9:36 pm
[/quote]My intention was more that we could have more helpful and friendly discourse if people would avoid making unhelpful comments, particularly when they've never been in the shoes of the OP.[/quote]
_________

very true. but not every person realizes that what she's saying is not only not helpful, but it's painful too. she thinks she's helping by saying xyz.
Like there are a lot of people when making a shivah call, they say to the grieving person, "Hashem only gives difficulties to tzadikim. To holy people."
They think they are making the bereaved person feel better with that statement...

What is OP an abbreviation for?
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amother
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Post Sat, Jun 24 2017, 9:40 pm
amother wrote:
perhaps have an honest conversation with yourself: or write it down. I find writing to be very therapeautic and revealing.

- the reason/s you are thinking of leaving imamother?

- what makes it so hard for you to leave?

hope this helps.

Smile


Yes it does help. I will try to heed your advice. Will sit down with my laptop and write a little. lemee try to figure myself out.
Thanks!!

OP abbreviation for Original Poster.
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mfb




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jun 24 2017, 9:45 pm
Op is Original Poster
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sat, Jun 24 2017, 10:13 pm
mfb wrote:
Op is Original Poster


thank you
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