Do we go or not? | Imamother

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Jun 23 2017, 12:56 pm

I'll just tell you that recently my DS married a girl whose family is a 3 hour drive - if there's no traffic, ha ha.

We did not consider taking my parents for the vort. BH they were willing to make the chasunah in our town (it made sense for them for various reasons, not just because of my parents.)

We didn't consider taking them for Shabbos Sheva Brochos. They would need too many stops on the way and no telling how long those stops would be. Not to mention sleeping in a strange place, steps, forgetting medications, needing to waterproof the bed in the hosts' home etc. We had some family move in for Shabbos to keep them company.

We also "persuaded" them not to go to my nephew's oifruf which was 1 1/2 hours away because they would be more rested for the wedding. (Meaning I wasn't really giving them the choice but pretended I was.) They'd never have managed the steps in shul, which I only realized when I was there.

BH we just have to keep remembering it's a big zchus but sometimes you have to say a trip does not make sense.

In general when there's a simcha for one sibling we try to make sure the other siblings and their kids pick up the slack so the baalei simcha don't have to be too busy with the eldercare. However, that doesn't necessarily work for every family.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 23 2017, 2:05 pm

My father lives just 2 hours away from me, and usually if he travels in for something, it involves sleeping over (like, for nephews bris, he drove in the night before, slept at my house, so that he didn't travel both ways in one day). He does travel though if he has a ride and someone else drives him. But double this time - I can't imagine.

IMVHO it's too much for an older person to be shlepped a 4-5 hour trip and back in one day. Your sibling should have arranged to have her come for Shabbos, or sleep over Sunday night and arrange a ride back.

And to factor in that she has to be on time and ready for pictures is just ridiculous. It's like pictures are starting to take precedence to an elderly person's comfort. There is no reason why your mother has to be there for pictures of the vort. This isn't even the wedding! Let someone snap a candid shot or two of your mother with the Chassan/Kallah when she arrives.

I also think that your family plans should be separate from your mother's arrangements, which should not be solely your responsibility. You need to discuss with your DH what he wants to do about this on Sunday; and there needs to be a plan for you mother to attend the Simcha in a way that is respecting her age and stage in life.

amother

Pink

Fri, Jun 23 2017, 3:14 pm

So at this point, there does seem to be a plan in place that only partially falls on my shoulders. Going for Shabbos wasn't an option for a LOT of reasons. Hopefully since it will be a Sunday traffic won't be TOO terrible. Though coming back should be fun (beach traffic). Its like mentally she's "young at heart" she still wants to be part of everything. She's always loved travelling.

PinkFridge

Sun, Jun 25 2017, 9:22 pm

Hi OP. Mazel tov again and I hope the trip went/is going smoothly. Either decision, IMO, would have been appropriate and not something to second guess, but I'm sure this was an exceptionally appropriate decision Tongue Out

amother

Pink

Sun, Jun 25 2017, 11:28 pm

B"H we went. Traffic was horrendous, took us closer to 6 hrs. Way back not as bad. I enjoyed, my mother also went, and I think the major concerns were not issues. I wonder if they will compromise on a more central location for the chasuna

Raisin

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 4:56 am

amother wrote:

#

You made the right decision. Smile

You sound like an amazing daughter, your mother is lucky to have you.