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Forum -> Health & Wellness -> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise
Self Sabotage - Why Do I Do It?



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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 12:25 pm
So here's my story. I've been dieting all my life, sometime heavy, sometimes heavier, never thin. I've lost a number of pounds, maintained for years, and after recent stresses in life put up thirty pounds in three months.
It's been almost two years and I am unable to get them down. But unlike people who struggle with seeing results, I really do see results when I diet. And pretty fast too.
Nonetheless, I am having the most frustrating experience sticking to my plan. It is mind boggling. I know what I want, I know what I need to do to get there, and I am just sabotaging myself at every step of the way.
It is embarrassing to reflect on how many times I've promised myself that tomorrow is the day. The day I will buckle down and stick with it. And while I've buckled down numerous times, it has never lasted more than a two week stretch. I've motivated myself in more ways than I can recall, never mind the main motivations for being fit, but it never has helped me in the times when I just felt like throwing it all to the wind and binge eating.

I guess I'm looking for advice? I'm out of ideas.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 12:28 pm
Have you tried a buddy or nutritionist to whom you have accountability to? I feel that makes a huge difference.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 12:33 pm
Yes, I am on a low carb plan and hooked up to a support text group. I also have a weekly weigh in, but I only go once in a blue moon. For obvious reasons.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 12:36 pm
amother wrote:
Yes, I am on a low carb plan and hooked up to a support text group. I also have a weekly weigh in, but I only go once in a blue moon. For obvious reasons.


How can I join it?
I also have this same issue. I know I can lose weight. I know I need to focus on why I eat what I eat but I need heavy support.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 12:40 pm
amother wrote:
How can I join it?
I also have this same issue. I know I can lose weight. I know I need to focus on why I eat what I eat but I need heavy support.


Not sure where you live, but I'm following Rabbi Meisels' FWH plan. He has instructors in several neighborhoods.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 12:42 pm
The plan itself is great, with amazing results. In fact, a few of my siblings and friends are successfully navigating it right now. I'm the greatest expert on all parts of it, but have yet to actually follow through long enough to see results.

I so don't want to get to Rosh Hashana in the same state as I was last year!
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enter




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 1:09 pm
It may help you to identify what the problem actually is. What is actually going on here? Once you have the "real" issue, you have what to work with.

Lots of people struggle to lose weight. The way I see it, there's two causes (possibly more, but lets go with this). Local - that is, food itself - or not local - that is, an underlying issue that manifests itself in food but in reality has nothing to do with food.

Many people struggle with food issues. They struggle with eating right / self-discipline or they just like food. So, regarding weight loss and dieting - it cycles. It's like which one wins over, eating-more-gain-weight or lose-weight-and-diet-which-frankly-sucks.

Then, there's a whole other issue, which you've mentioned in your post title: self sabotage. In self sabotage, I am unable to lose weight because of a deeper issue. Suddenly, this is no longer about food, or dieting, it's about this deeper issue. This deeper issue could be anything, such as: Parents mocking a child's weight so that as an adult losing weight may feel like "betrayal to parents", or some control issue / parental issue going on. It doesn't have to be parents at all, that's just an example. There's self sabotage for control - I feel out of control with my life? So, food will control. Nobody will tell me to lose weight, I'll do it MY way.

Self sabotage in food, taken to the next level, would probably be classified as an eating disorder. Eating disorders are not just under-eating or throwing up, but also over-eating (in some cases).

Another point to consider: Is the issue here about eating or about your weight? If you're turning to food for comfort just in these last months, at a stressful time, it may be worth it for you to try to find other ways of alleviating this stress other than the easy one of eating. Perhaps professional help is the answer - or, if you haven't tried this before - try to find other tools / ways of dealing with the stress OTHER than eating. It'll take work and effort, but it'd be worth it in the end.

If your issue is actually about weight, such as the above example (if you lose weight, parents are "right"/"betrayed"/etc) than you can start to deal with this. No amount of tools to deal with stress will help, because it's not about stress, it's about keeping the weight. Therapy or otherwise, but once you have your problem, you have what to work with.

Probably, there's a little of different factors in play here. Such as, I like to eat for comfort (so train myself to turn to other things instead whilst I'm stressed if it bothers me so much that I'm fat) AND I have, say, a control issue, so "I am going to eat what I want and nobody is going to tell me what to do", which I can learn to work through, say, in therapy.

I've just thrown around some ideas, take it or leave it, and mostly, I find, acceptance of where I am (right now I cannot deal with trying to lose weight or learning new tools or whatever) is particularly helpful.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 1:28 pm
enter your post really 'entered' my subconscious.
Wise post.
Thanks!
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 1:31 pm
Thank you, Enter.

I did explore the issue, with myself Smile, a while ago. I came to the realization that it is a matter of self discipline, self control which I can find lacking in several areas of my life (including but not limited to wasting time on Imamother Smile )
I actually changed my approach at the time to incorporate the self control factor instead of focusing on the dieting approach. It helped at the time, though didn't last. I would love to get into that mode again, and might just give it a shot now that it has been brought up again.
I never did go to therapy, though I have been considering it lately. I am simply humiliated that I am unable to make it work, when intellectually I am completely sure with what I should be doing. It makes me feel like an impulsive beast.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 1:45 pm
amother wrote:
So here's my story. I've been dieting all my life, sometime heavy, sometimes heavier, never thin. I've lost a number of pounds, maintained for years, and after recent stresses in life put up thirty pounds in three months.
It's been almost two years and I am unable to get them down. But unlike people who struggle with seeing results, I really do see results when I diet. And pretty fast too.
Nonetheless, I am having the most frustrating experience sticking to my plan. It is mind boggling. I know what I want, I know what I need to do to get there, and I am just sabotaging myself at every step of the way.
It is embarrassing to reflect on how many times I've promised myself that tomorrow is the day. The day I will buckle down and stick with it. And while I've buckled down numerous times, it has never lasted more than a two week stretch. I've motivated myself in more ways than I can recall, never mind the main motivations for being fit, but it never has helped me in the times when I just felt like throwing it all to the wind and binge eating.

I guess I'm looking for advice? I'm out of ideas.


Dieting is hard. For almost all of us, it's difficult to stay away from carbs, not eat yummy greasy foods, stop eating by 7:00, exercise, and other things needed to lose weight. I think your being to hard on yourself when you use words like "self sabatoge" to explain why you haven't successfully lost weight. I think 90% of diets ultimately fail. At some point the dieter gives in to temptation and rationalized that they will start the diet another time. Technically, it's "self sabatoge" by your definition. They realize it's wrong, they understand the consequences, and they know they will regret it. Yet they do it anyways. I don't have any good advice. I'm sure you've heard 1000 different dieting ideas. They all involve giving up yummy foods in one form or another. At some point hopefully your willpower will be stronger than your temptation and you will succeed!
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 2:00 pm
amother wrote:
Dieting is hard. For almost all of us, it's difficult to stay away from carbs, not eat yummy greasy foods, stop eating by 7:00, exercise, and other things needed to lose weight. I think your being to hard on yourself when you use words like "self sabatoge" to explain why you haven't successfully lost weight. I think 90% of diets ultimately fail. At some point the dieter gives in to temptation and rationalized that they will start the diet another time. Technically, it's "self sabatoge" by your definition. They realize it's wrong, they understand the consequences, and they know they will regret it. Yet they do it anyways. I don't have any good advice. I'm sure you've heard 1000 different dieting ideas. They all involve giving up yummy foods in one form or another. At some point hopefully your willpower will be stronger than your temptation and you will succeed!


I really appreciate this post, as it simply describes my challenge as I would, and yet written by another amother. Which truly makes me feel better about my struggles, and not a lone struggler at that.
Maybe this is what I subconsciously intended by posting, validation that I'm not the monster I sometimes feel like.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 3:45 pm
I don't have advice here. I eat when I'm stressed and there's no way around it for me. If I'm stressed I NEED soothing, I need chewing, I need FOOD :-)
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Thu, Jun 22 2017, 4:03 pm
I don't have the perspective of ''self-sabotage''. I feel I'm making a choice to choose soothing over something else.
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