ideas for incentives

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 11:07 am

Hi all!
I need to do a chart with my 10 yr old twin girls to help them learn to be nicer to each other, and I would love some help the following:

1. If you ever did such a chart, if you could please tell me how you structured it - I.e. a point for each NICE thing they do, or a point taken away for each MEAN thing they do/say, etc., and how you kept track of the points.

2. What can I use for incentives? I would rather not do food, like ice cream or pizza - I am looking more for privileges, or other small prizes that they can earn quickly enough (I.e. once a week) to encourage them to continue.

Would love any and all ideas!!!! Thanks in advance!!!

mamaleh

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 12:06 pm

I would do an 'award' for each time block when there are no issues. I.e. Until lunch. Lunch to supper. Supper through bed. Or (if they are out most of the day) each day.

Are they working as a team? If possible, I think that would be great. This means, as long as you don't have to get involved in their issues, they get credit for that day. It teaches them that disagreements are ok but you have to work them out in a civil manner. But they should each get their own prize.

What I've done, in terms of rewards is points or 'dollars' that can be redeemed for smaller prizes or saved up for larger. This allows them to choose their prize. Ex. Maybe they want to stay up late for a special event- 40 points. They want a nicer briefcase for next year- 20 points. Stickers- 5 points. I like to keep in my own head an approximate real dollar value for the points so I can know how to price the rewards they request. Do NOT tell them the real value. This allows you to offer something you want them to have (ex. Books) at a 'special' price.

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 12:12 pm

Mamaleh, I really like your idea about having them work together....But what happens if one kid is being obnoxious, and the other is trying to work out a solution? Then the kid who is genuinely trying to compromise would also lose out, no?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 1:39 pm

I agree that the chart should be done in time blocks.
I would make a chart as follows
Mon. Tues., Wed.,etc
8-9
9-10
10-11
etc.
Do you have set home rules?
If you followed the rules for that hr, you get a point
If you didn't, no point.
Earned points DO NOT get taken away.
Extra points can be earned for exceptional chesed to each other.
Or
If they both get perfect pts for that day.
But-You Must Be Strict and Consistant

At the end of the week the points are added up and redeemable for cash that can be used in a parent approved purchase.

I think a dime a point is reasonable. If they get perfect scores it would be about $7 a week for each, about $1 a day. Assuming they don't go to camp most of the day. If not adjust so they can earn $1 a day.
This will also teach them to save money if they want something big.
If you are afraid they'll lose the money, you can make a "bank" with a deposit book (do you remember those).

Also, if they can work on a project together, a garden, a very large hook rug, crocheting a blanket where each of them make squares and then they are all attached, a mural on a large piece of butcher paper, a 1000 piece puzzle.
What ever they decide together.

Let me know if you need help in making rules

mamaleh

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 4:57 pm

My thought is, unless one of them is generally the 'problem' that having them work together is another way to encourage getting along. Yes, there will be days when one of them 'ruins' it for them both, but, as time progresses, they will learn to work together better. The other way it will become a competition and you might even have them trying to get each other to 'mess up' just so that they can be ahead. Also, you end up judging between them. Ex: girl A is being totally annoying but doing it quietly & calmly (we all know people who can do that, right). Girl B really tries to control herself, but eventually totally loses it and yells at her sister, who immediately comes crying to you that B is yelling at her 'for NO reason'. Who doesn't get points?

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 5:10 pm

mamaleh wrote:

This is why I suggested that they both get extra points if they both had perfect scores for the day.

mamaleh

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 5:29 pm

amother wrote:

This is why I suggested that they both get extra points if they both had perfect scores for the day.

That might help them work together but it doesn't remove the competition or deal with the judge and jury aspect.

I do like a bonus for a full day or for a certain number of cumulative days.

Iymnok

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 6:31 pm

Extra points for working it out together. That means that when they come complaining to you, you ask "Can you work this out yourselves?". That reminds them that they have the choice to earn bonus points.

You can also use the marble jar.