Is this fair to the child?

amother

Purple

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 1:43 pm

My son is starting kindergarden in September. My husband just got a job in a school 45 minutes from my house and if we send kids to that school we get free tuition. My son would fit equally fine in both schools. No one from our area sends to the school that my husband will be working in because it is in a different community and we have perfectly good local schools. My son would ride to and from school with my husband so there is no transportation issues. The free tuition would make a big difference to us but is it fair to put my son in a situation where he will have no classmates at all near him?

Chayalle

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 1:51 pm

I think for kindergarden it's fine but at some point you might want to transition him to the school near you.

Also consider whether your child should go to where your husband's job is.

I remember growing up, my mother had a good friend who was a school principal. At first she taught, and then moved up with the job. When she started out, she was considering moving her kids to the school she was working in, due to the above perks. My mother A"H talked her out of doing it - she said, don't tie your kids to your job. In the end that particular school didn't work out for her, and she ended up going to a different school where she stayed long term. She was forever glad that her kids didn't have to make the changes and adjustments along with her.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jun 26 2017, 3:53 pm

My mother was a teacher in the school I went to. It was really not great. First of all, we both needed some space from each other, because we never got breaks from each other. Also, not all the kids liked her as a teacher, and then they would tease me, or make fun of her to me. And the year she was my teacher, was even worse for me in all areas. I personally don't recommend going to school where your parent works, even if they aren't your teacher or principal. It wasn't worth the free tuition, believe me.

Also, I think a 45 minute ride each way is very long for a kindergartner - better for him to finish and have time to unwind and be a kid, rather than be buckled into a car for so long every day.

Lastly, I think it's important that he not be the odd one out among his peers in the community because he goes to a different school. We had a girl like that, I'm pretty sure I talked to her twice ever after she switched school. The kids who are in school together have in jokes and in games and bond. And they all have their best friends to go to on shabbat afternoon or to play with in the park, and your kids best friends, and maybe all his friends are a 45 minute dirve away. .. And think of having to drive him 1.5 hours round trip every time there's birthday party for a classmate. And think about whether all the other parents will want to drive their kids 1.5 hours round trip for your kid's birthday party. And also, think of what about having after school events for your son - then your husband will have to stay late, or after school events or trips that your husband needs to stay for - then your son will have to stay late. Or what if your husband is sick - who will take your son to and from school?

In my opinion, it's better to stick with the neighborhood school.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 27 2017, 9:08 am

I totally hear you about tuition, etc. Those are practical concerns.

The thing is, if you child gets in trouble, he will either think that DH is being too hard on him, or the other kids will think DH is being too easy on him. No matter what he does, he'll always be known as DH's son, and the other kids will suspect him of getting different treatment.

In a separate school, he can be himself, and he will know he's being judged more fairly (hopefully. Some schools are better than others.) It's a tough call, to know which school will be a better fit for your child. You may just have to try it and see.

My suggestion would be to start with the school near you for social reasons. If the school doesn't work out, he can switch to DH's school, and still keep the friends he made in the first school.

Regarding friends, DD went to a public school because of her learning issues. She never played with those kids after school. She always went to her shul friends to play. I never laid down a rule about mixing with public school kids after class, she just gravitated to the Jewish kids she knew, even when the age difference was much older or younger.