The Yolie Roth wedding last week.

amother

Amber

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:50 pm

Zehava wrote:

Making such a small affair ok fine
But scrimping on the socks? Na
You're marrying off two kids. Give them enough socks and linen .

His point of view Is that
1. this couple is young and able bodied. They can both get a job and They can both choose where they want to spend thier money.
2. Instead of making the parents pay 50k+ 10 12 or 16 times, every couple will have to do this ONCE. And it will be for THEMSELVES.

I still think the couple should go on bc, learn a trade, build themselves up and then dive into building a family but shhhh....Thats personal opinion.

cnc

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:52 pm

amother wrote:

That was the underlying theme of the Monroe takanos years ago. (That each couple should do it ONCE for themselves ( buy furniture, etc) instead of for all their children. Whatever happened to that idea? Did it take off at all?

qwerty4

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:53 pm

The part about keeping within your budget is beautiful. The standard at which they made this wedding is not.
Granted, most wedding spending is out of control. And I would have found it beautiful to see a simple wedding, cutting back on a lot of extras that have become norms. However, serving food of foam plates from the yeshiva kitchen, calling up caterers to get leftover food, not getting the kalla a single piece of jewelry... it's going a little too far for the sake of making a point.
He's a dynamic speaker, and he's certainly got a good grasp of the situation. I do feel it had gone a little too far though.

amother

Amber

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:54 pm

cnc wrote:

The difference between the Monroe takunos and him is that weddings with takunoss still cost 45k and he made it for less than 7k!!!
Im talking everything included.

amother

White

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:56 pm

So why can't we just invite less people and have smaller halls? We don't need to invite third cousins we have never met or even first cousins I have no connection with? You think I will have more connections because I invited them? No. So don't waste your money.

amother

Amber

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:56 pm

qwerty4 wrote:

Again if you have it, kol hakavod!!
But I'd rather have such weddings than 5 tea parties nightly.

qwerty4

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:57 pm

amother wrote:

The difference between the Monroe takunos and him is that weddings with takunoss still cost 45k and he made it for less than 7k!!!
Im talking everything included.

That's because there was nothing included. It was a bare bones of a ceremony, and I find it hard to believe the chosson/kalla are not or will not be resentful down the line.

simcha2

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:57 pm

cnc wrote:

Respectfully asking...I have no idea what this means. When you get married you get given tights? Don't you already have tights when you are single? People buy you your underwear? I am not being rude,I have never heard this, or a reference to it. Can you please explain. Thanks.

amother

Amber

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 1:58 pm

amother wrote:

It's not only about the wedding night and about the third cousins. It's about the entire immature exploitive mentality of our simchas.

moonstone

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 2:24 pm

cnc wrote:

I understand where these "takanos" are coming from. Although a dozen socks is very normal. People in my circles get married with 2-3 dozen pairs of socks/ tights. I personally returned a dozen unopened pairs after, when I realized how ridiuclous it is. It's not as if I never do laundry - why do I need over a month's supply of tights? Why do people need "Kallah coats" , and other unnecessary things that have become the standards? (This discussion is most likely only applicable to certain circles Smile

)

You're given socks and tights when you get married? What?

cnc

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 2:28 pm

moonstone wrote:

You're given socks and tights when you get married? What?

Lol.
I went back twice to see where I wrote "given" but I don't see it anywhere. Before I got married I purchased tights.

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 2:29 pm

qwerty4 wrote:

That's because there was nothing included. It was a bare bones of a ceremony, and I find it hard to believe the chosson/kalla are not or will not be resentful down the line.

Then they should foot the bill.

amother

White

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 6:09 pm

I do not care if wealthy parents want to shower their children when they are getting married.

what I find troubling is why dont parents just say straight out "I dont have money" I cant buy

anything extra. "I will buy whatever I can". why are we so afraid?

not we. those who do it. including so many in my circles. its sad, because many fathers

become sick over this. I actually know of a father that buckled from the pressure and to

relieve himself went for a stroll by the water a short while later had a heartattack and died.

r"l. 2 weeks before the wedding.

if that isnt a sign that we are doing something wrong, what is?

you think takana wedding relieves the stress? no it doesnt. its still ridiculous the spending. the amount of money people pay to rent a dress for the mother of chvk" or for siblings.

a sibling of mine her dh still learning spent 500$ to buy a dress for her daughter the sister of the kallah

because she said its cheaper to own then to rent. I am embarrassed that she did this.

seriously. why if her dh is learning is she doing this? this is not even torahdig. let alone

seichel. or even something crazier is that the money was donated.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 6:55 pm

The weird thing about this threads is that almost all of the People responding seem to favor these ultra simple affairs. You would think based on these responses that most of our affairs are like the one described here. Obviously the opposite is true.

MagentaYenta

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 7:00 pm

amother wrote:

That really depends if you live in the tri state area or in an area where there are very large frum communities. If that was the case your possit could be true. But in other areas small simple celebrations may be the norm.

amother

Amber

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 7:01 pm

amother wrote:

You are right. Unfortunately I can't tell my kids we are goung to do it the Yoeli Roth way or a modified version of that. And we can be confident because you know What? we are not the only one with this opinion- - - So many people online are backing it!

In order for this to change there has to be real people commiting themselves to go against stream.

amother

Amber

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 7:02 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

Can I see photos of them?

youngishbear

Wed, Jun 28 2017, 7:53 pm

I would guess the imamother members skew younger. I myself am not yet at the chasuna making stage. I know what I would like to do, but I can't know how my wishes will mold to reality. There are two families involved in a simcha, two spouses in each family, and often extended family members involve themselves as well, whether as mavens or sponsors depends on the luck of the draw.

I agree that by going too far, this wedding may have proven how impossible it is rather than the opposite. However, it did get us to talk about it and share our hopes for a more financially sane future.

Let's commit to be part of the solution, not the problem.