Summer Shabbosim are the worst

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note

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amother

Royalblue

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 4:37 pm

I'm out of ideas. The afternoons are just so long. The usual tricks, like special Shabbos books and toys only takes us so far. We have nowhere to go- no parks or friends nearby, not even so close to shul (dh goes, but I don't, too hot for me to make the walk). Eventually the kids get bored and either start fighting or making massive messes. I give up. I can't wait till summer is over.

chocolatecake

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 5:46 pm

Shabbos afternoons are loooooong and when kids are cooped up they start fighting and dont listen etc. Im in a two bedroom apartment with three kids and no friends in the building. I feel for you. Usually I take my two older ones to the park and dh stays home with baby. It rained yesterday so park was wet. We just went for a walk around the block. The kids needed to get out and let off some steam

shirachadasha

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 5:53 pm

My Shabbos afternoons are similar to yours. Here are some suggestions...
Go for a family walk before the seuda
Then after the seuda...
Read a book of interest to each kid
Review camp / school newsletters
Shabbos party (nosh)
Sing familiar and new songs
When things begin to degenerate serve cold watermelon

MagentaYenta

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 5:56 pm

Think ahead with cool treats, frozen orange slices, frozen bananas dipped in choc., frozen lemon slices rolled in coconut (you'd be amazed at a kids love for lemons).

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 6:00 pm

Seuda starts late, around 1 or 2. Ends close to 3. Kids play for 2 hours, I tell stories, park, they put on a performance, etc till 6. That's shalosh seudos/ dinner/ shabbos party time. When that's over, I put my kids to sleep at their regular 7. 7:30 bedtime and I lie down till the zman.

Works for us.

OutATowner

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 6:13 pm

Can you invite friends for Shabbos? Either a family with kids or just your kids' friends?

loveit

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 6:37 pm

Like pp said it helps that we start our seuda on the later side and like to have guests so that it lasts longer and the kids have friends to play with. We also do regular bedtime, although often it's a bit earlier since they were up late the night before which helps. Then DH and I both get time to relax together before he goes back to shul.

Can you invite another mommy and her kids over for a shabbos party so the kids are entertained?

amother

Blue

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 8:12 pm

Yes I know what you mean.. Shabbos is sooo hard even in the winter. My husband just wants to relax and sleep and enjoy himself, I'm stuck with kids and I wonder how I got myself in this spiderweb

HeartyAppetite

Sun, Jul 02 2017, 9:53 pm

amother wrote:

Yes I know what you mean.. Shabbos is sooo hard even in the winter. My husband just wants to relax and sleep and enjoy himself, I'm stuck with kids and I wonder how I got myself in this spiderweb

You shouldn't be the only one in charge of taking care of the kids on Shabbos afternoon. You should also get some time off. Have a conversation with your husband and set up a plan where you take turns watching the kids in the afternoon, exp. you each get two hours to relax, while the other one takes care of the kids.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 2:44 am

Make sure you make a full day of the Friday and enjoy it. It's the price to pay to enjoy the Friday Tongue Out

More seriously, maybe go out? Though if it's above 25 or so we don't really do that.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 2:55 am

Op here. I mean it when I say no friends. No one to invite or be invited to. No one to play with or adults to talk to. No parks or anything else nearby. I do put the kids to bed at regular bed time. The baby even earlier, but I can't get away with that with the older ones. Kids are young so there is only so late I can make lunch and they anyway can't stay at the table for very long. They are capable of entertaining themselves for somewhat longer than is expected at their age (I have always been adamant that it's not my job to fill every second) but again, that only takes up so much of the afternoon before they either need us to figure something out or they just start misbehaving. Dh is around the rest of the day from when he returns from shul but he's as much at his wits end as I am.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 3:49 am

My 12 yr old daughter makes a Tehillim group in our home on Shabbos late afternoon for the kids in our building.
It is l'ilui nishmas my father and my father-in-law.
They bring along their younger sisters.
Say Tehillim. Sing. My daughter prepares 2 games. She hands out prizes that she bought at the shekel shop. A girl tells a story. Everyone gets a nosh. The nosh is handed out just before they leave, so the salon shouldn't get messy and sticky.
All in all it's about 1.5 - 2 hrs.

amother

Aqua

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 3:56 am

amother wrote:

Your dd is very special

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 5:24 am

amother wrote:

Your dd is very special

she is, ke'h. Boruch Hashem.
thank you.

heidi

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 5:34 am

amother wrote:

I can never figure out if posters like this are exaggerating. No friends? No adults? You say your husband goes to shul. Is there a minyan? No one that could use a friendly Shabbat meal? You have no acquaintances? Do your kids go to school? Are there kids in their class? Can one of them sleep over?
So confused.

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 5:46 am

heidi wrote:

It's complicated, but yes, I mean no friends (not locally. I have tons of friends that aren't local). My husband is on the spectrum and doesn't really socialize at all, so he hasn't made any connections in shul, he just goes to daven. My oldest is also on the spectrum and doesn't make friends easily either. Unfortunately, I haven't made any friends here, even among other parents, though I've tried (and I actually have normal social skills). I think we just don't fit in here and I'm hoping to move, though it probably won't be till next summer. My kids aren't old enough for non-family sleepovers.

miami85

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 6:31 am

I dont' know how old your kids are, but my kids (6, 5 & 2) don't have a lot playdates and not super friendly with our neighbors, and mostly play with each other. They play really nicely together, and most times when they are "fighting" its either 1)hungry--make sure that they eat by lunch time and have breakfast/kiddush in the morning or 2)They have to go to the bathroom, so before dealing with the fight, "Bathroom break."

It helps that my top 2 are the same gender so they like the same things. They tend to like building--legos, trains, not so much games. They also love to play with a variety of toys. They don't have a lot of play time during the week between school and other things going on. If you "cycle" the toys--meaning only some are available at any given time, then they become more novel when they come back.

I do try to take them out in the morning to shul--but that's only a 1/2 hr "activity" so not a big deal. If you can't take them TO shul, can you play "shul" or have family davening time--and sing songs. By me just getting dressed in the morning takes about an hour.

Can you play outside at all? Do you have an eruv where you are? My kids get to play with their scooters up and down the block for a long time.

We try to have a family "rest time" or "quiet time" after the meal-1pm-3pm (or DH and I take turns). And then Shabbos party is at like 3-4pm depending on when we finished the meal.

Then we read books, maybe go for another walk until 5-6pm, then its shalosh seudos time and bedtime. My kids tend to go to sleep on the late side.

If your kids make a lot of messes try to figure out if its "constructive" or "Destructive" messes--sometimes a "mess"="good time" like when you do arts and crafts--and that you can just say "ok it lets me rest a little", if they are just destroying--then its boredom setting in, and its time to change activities, go from an active to quiet.

Maybe put into place some plans like "shabbos party if you play quietly" or "whatever you take out you need to put back"--have consequences that may encourage them to contain the mess.

mha3484

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 8:50 am

Do you have any outdoor space? I play games like mother may I, red light green light, simon says etc when the kids just want to play in the back yard. If you plan on moving next year I really suggest finding something walkable to a park. It is my sanity saver on long shabbosim. If we dont go out my two year old treats me like the human jungle gym and hes 33 lbs so you can imagine how enjoyable that is.

mha3484

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 9:51 am

I bought twister one summer to help my son with his coordination that was was a very fun indoor activity. You can get also a bowling set. My six year old's new favorite thing is to be in charge of shalosh suedos. He likes to make a salad and set the table etc. That kills some time too.

LittleMissMama

Mon, Jul 03 2017, 10:29 am

Even if it's hot, you have to go outside, go for walk, attempt getting to shul. Play eye spy outdoors, find a shady patch somewhere outside and read a few books out loud etc Even snack time outdoors is more fun, maybe with frozen fruit to cool off

I've been in your position somewhat...hugs - I'll daven you get to a better place soon for your whole family.

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