Sick of being humiliated

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 6:48 am

I am just so sick of being used and humiliated.
Before I write the issue that is bothering me right now, I want to put it in perspective. I am divorced and get no child support from my children’s father.
I used to be self-employed and for several reasons decided to give up the business. A while later when I needed money I started looking for a job, not particularly in that field.
For several years there was a guy who tried to get me to come and work for him. At first he asked if I would become his secretary, I said no, I don’t want to work in this field and secretary def not. About two years passed, where here and there he would call and ask if I would want to work for him, not specifying what for.
Then one day he called me that he doesn’t want to offer me a real job but just to take on one private project for him to take care of from home. The pay was not too good but not too bad, so that I agreed in order to have some extra income while pursuing other jobs. several months into that project he started pressuring me again to come and work for his company, promising great conditions and that of course not as secretary but to take care of a department/projects. he told me that there is a second man in the company who will officially also be my boss but that I will never really see him since he is a silent partner and not involved in the business at all. After months of back and forth and all the conditions laid out and agreed on took the job.
not a single condition he laid out to me was kept. not the payment, not the hours, not the days, and worst of all, not the workload. of course I became and was treated like his secretary.
yes I was a pushover. in the beginning I would say nicely that this is not my job and he would smile and all innocently-faced ask me to do it anyways since he still has not had time or money to hire a secretary. so of course I couldn’t say no. and then one day the other boss showed up and started getting all involved in the work. and commenting about my hours etc. not agreeing when I said that this is what was discussed with the other boss.
then one day a new girl shows up. I thought, finally a secretary. but no. she was there to learn and do all kinds of stuff, I was to teach her everything and then she was to be my equal.
I was still a push-over at the time but tried very hard to speak to them, but they had this amazing way of just dismissing me and ignoring what I said and sometimes just switching topics when they realized what I was saying.
the thing is, I am a single mom. I give a 110% of myself at my job, I used to be so dedicated that I gave it my all as if it were my own company. through my own experience in ths field and having studied it as well, I also often knew much more than my boss(es) but was very careful never to make him feel like I “know better” but would very delicately make him realize things. sometimes I would bring good ideas, sometimes amazing money saving ideas, which the bosses would then turn into “their own ideas”. never a compliment, never a thank you. only a comment if I had to stay home when my kids were sick (one of the conditions I made with him – to work from home and he will never have an issue when that happens). the humiliation is more than enough.
and now to today.
I knew that some big shot investors were coming this morning for a meeting. I was supposed to be included in the prep but they brought a new guy – read MAN – to do it instead, and he even treated me like I am his secretary – that’s where I drew the line (sick of men thinking that just because their body parts are different than hours that they can treat us like their underlings, boy my knowledge, brain and experience surpasses him by about 100x)
anyways, now that it is summer vacation my kids start camp later. that means very rushed mornings to drop them off and then race the half hour to work to be here on time.
yesterday I was asked to come in earlier because these investors were coming and they want everyone to be here on time.
I have no help, no support for my kids. I told my boss it is going to be very difficult and if they are really coming that early. he said there are no two ways about it. I must be here by the specified time.
I desperately tried to work something out and just about managed it. I arrive and its dark. no one is here. the meeting was set for one and half hours later. “oh we forgot to tell you that it was pushed.” I was really mad. he knew how hard it is, I made it clear to him.
instead of him saying he is sorry he forgot he said “good for to come early some time. you always come late and leave early.”
I. DO. NOT. EVER
The rare times that I do come late (maybe 3 times a year – 10 minutes delays) I call in to apologize (although one of the original conditions of my job was that I do not have specific hours….) and I never ever go early. one time last month when I did have to I made the request a week earlier.
I have had enough.
and then they called me into the meeting to send me to serve them drinks.
I have had enough.
I am a highly qualified person in my field. and I am being used by them to make them feel good by putting me down.
whenever I have tried to talk to them they burst out laughing as though it is the biggest joke. sometimes it even feels like they do it in order to “put me in my place”.
yes I need the money. but I have other options. it will be hard in the beginning.
but I am done fighting wars on all ends. I have to struggle with so much in my private life, I will not take it at work too.
I only remained at this job until now because I didn’t want to make any more changes in my life when there is so much going on. but now that it is eating at me.
I quit.
sorry if I dont make sense.

Sadie

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:03 am

Horrible. Get out of there asap! I've never had it this bad but I've stayed in bad working environments because I needed the money and I always regretted it later.

notshanarishona

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:15 am

Quit

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:18 am

U make perfect sense.

Your boss sounds like my old one.I know what u are going thorough. Toxic poisonous environment. He thinks that no matter what, u will stay b/c of your single mom status and he 'has u by the balls'. Pardon the irony

LEAVE TODAY.

The sooner the better. If u have to forfeit some pay (if u can possibly manage it) so Be it. When I think of the environment of that old job of mine I get depressed all over again. It's just an awful place to be and stays with u 24/7.
I also am the type to Put in 110% into my job. And it was a HUGE waste.

Good luck - pls keep us updated.

treestump

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:21 am

This is a toxic work environment that's destroying your self. No one should have to put up with this abuse.

Quit. I know it can be really scary to make this change, but your pathetic boss does not deserve you, and is a horrible human being.

You'll see how different you feel when you have a decent job where you're valued and respected...

Please get out of there asap.

Lots of hugs.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:29 am

Oh one more thing!! Watch Hidden Figures. One of THE best inspirational movies I've ever watched.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4846340/

crust

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:41 am

Quit. Today. Now. Right now.
He's abusive immature and a liar. Don't buy into them again even if they come begging you with crocodile tears. Run and don't look back.
You say you have better options. What are you afraid of then?
Change is bad only when it's for the worse. To EXchange a toxic environment for a pleasant one, might give you the strength you need to handle all the other things on your plate.
Are you still there?

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:44 am

I agree with the others that a change is in order, but it is far easier to get hired if you are currently employed. Get your resume in order and start networking for a new job today.

Orchid

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 8:34 am

cm wrote:

I agree with the others that a change is in order, but it is far easier to get hired if you are currently employed. Get your resume in order and start networking for a new job today.

I wonder if that holds true if she's overqualified for her current job?

Anyway, OP, my heart aches over the humiliation you endured. Quit immediately (or after you find a new job, but with active searching) and do not waver.

imaima

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 8:36 am

I agree that you should leave! If you struggle at work, you provably don't have any positivity left for your kids too! These people are not worth your dedication! Quit this job!

youngishbear

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 8:42 am

I'm so sorry you were treated so horribly.

In the heimish economy a lot of rules about seeking employment are different, so don't worry about it being easier to find a new job while employed. I would quit before having a new job.

I know you really need the money, but the way you are being treated now it would probably be less humiliating to ask for tzedakah than continue working there.

I hope you find a good job really quickly. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

makehappy

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:26 am

Quit!
Or
Start putting down your foot and start behaving with the thought that they need you not the other way round. Because that is the truth. Did u sign a contract with this guy? Don't do what they ask u if its not in ur contract. Then they will stop their behaviuos. Even this meeting with vips for example tell your boss that you can't change your schedule and he will tough it up. You won't be there. Why should u go crazy. You have to give 100% to your job not 110%
It seems like he is the only one that has to lose out if u leave him. So hold that in your heart and stand up for yourself don't get run over

Hugs from afar

amother

Aqua

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:31 am

Delete

Last edited by amother on Tue, Feb 12 2019, 1:50 am; edited 1 time in total

studying_torah

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:35 am

Please don't ever rely on what bosses "tell you", get everything in writing, and signed.
Learned that from hard experience.

amother

Gray

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:40 am

op I so feel for you. being abused is terrible. dont let their behaviors define who you are as a person. remember you have value and they dont value you. its their loss not yours. money comes from hashem. for some reason they think you should take all this because they have money so they can behave however they want. their day of judgement will come too. and they will pay a price for that.

before you leave you should tell them why so they have an incling why. dont wait for them to argue with you. just say what you have to say and walk away. this way they dont get a chance to make you feel guilty or manipulate you again. I so understand you. you dont deserve to be treated this way.

dont turn and go there again. you are better then this. being single is hard enough. dont allow this on you too.

justmarried:)

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:43 am

Just leave and don't look back!

tigerwife

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:45 am

OMG. Get out fast. You deserve way better.

Sending you hugs and strength!

Tzutzie

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:20 am

studying_torah wrote:

Please don't ever rely on what bosses "tell you", get everything in writing, and signed.
Learned that from hard experience.

Oh yes.

And unfortunately looks like op already learned that the hard way too.

Op you deserve and will get much better. Don't subject yourself to that.

Iyh you will find a great job that's just right for you and your family. Loads of luck!

allcuteonesrtak

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:35 am

You must quit!
But I agree that in job hunting u have the upper hand if ur currently employed.

I left a toxic job environment.. it has made such a difference in my life!
It was really hard. I was really apprehensive abt doing it. I'm here to support you!
Do u want to share what field your in - what kind of job your looking for?
(You can pm me if you'd like-minded I'd really like to help.)
And remember to Daven to Hashem!

amother

Ruby

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 1:22 pm

I'm in a similar situation and in the process of quitting. It's liberating. Do it.