Sick of being humiliated

amother

Taupe

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 1:54 pm

A different situation. I had a job where I was respected etc however my boss had poor anger management and so you never knew when he would blow up. I developed physical illness and so my body gave me the guts to leave because it was making me so sick.

(At one point I wrote him a letter and told him he needs to get his temper under control and I leave the next time he blows up... and I did.)

And then I took another job that was almost as bad.

Bottom line, you have to take care of yourself!

Jstar

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 3:44 pm

IT WILL NOT GET BETTER

IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE

Get out. May Hashem bless you with huge success.

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 8:29 pm

This is so sad for me to read as I have the exact same experience at work as well.

My boss belittles me to people who he needs to impress. I am looking for a job but can't quit until I have a new one.

Sad

MrsDash

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:32 pm

Quit. You can still qualify for unemployment because you were given unreasonable & unfair working conditions. You deserve better than this.

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jul 05 2017, 9:37 pm

Op, I feel for you because I am in the same situation. I wish I could leave but I cant bc I wont be able to pay the rent, tuition....if I leave.
Im sorry for what you are going through.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 2:28 am

Khaki, I thought that way also. Until I got so sick I couldn't work. Don't do that to yourself. Find a way to get out. Even take less salary if you'll be happier. It's the right thing to do and Hashem will help.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 8:10 am

amother wrote:

Op, I feel for you because I am in the same situation. I wish I could leave but I cant bc I wont be able to pay the rent, tuition....if I leave.
Im sorry for what you are going through.

Why is getting another job not an option?
(Like I said before, don't quit before u get another job. But definitely quit.)

amother

Olive

Thu, Jul 06 2017, 9:47 am

amother wrote:

Why is getting another job not an option?
(Like I said before, don't quit before u get another job. But definitely quit.)

I guess she lives in a suburb or oot where jobs aren't easy to find and access.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 4:49 am

OP here.
dear imamoms. Thank you all for your wonderful replies. I am sorry, I was awol for various reasons, there was too much stress in all this.
just to give you a short run through.
after I posted this I approached my bosses that I need to talk to them. that this cannot continue. one boss turned and left the office. so I told the other one that I have had enough, I need to talk and that I am thinking of quitting.
so this guy takes me into a room and sits me down and tries to convince me to stay by bashing his partner. every time I managed to get a word in edgewise I tried explaining to him that I have a problem with both of them and he shouldn't badmouth his partner to me, (of course I didn't say it in those words). anyways, he tried to convince me that now things will change and I will get the assignments and projects I am capable of doing etc. he asked me to give it another week and then we should all sit down and discuss.
but then the week passed and he had to go away and I saw there is no point.
add to that. and yes, I know this is going to sound to unreal for anyone to believe me...
so one boss's wife works here and she is constantly in a fight with another worker. I wont go into the gory details. but it came to a point where the wife was harassing the worker so much that she went to both bosses to say she cannot work here. the other worker isn't all innocent either but the harassment was unbelievable.
so last week I got a call from both bosses wanting to hear from me if it is true that the other worker said a specific sentence about the boss's wife. I should have said "please keep me out of it" but somehow I couldn't because I have had enough of this constant lies and childish games. so beneath me (sorry, am not a snob but its sick , I am too old for this)
so I said "no I never heard her say this" after a few times "are you sure?!" I hung up. that same night at MIDNIGHT (he called so often that I thought some emergency happened) one boss calls me again (the one whose wife works here) saying "come you can tell me the truth without the other guy listening" (the other boss seems to be having some kind of stronger relationship [I am not saying affair because I am not sure and I dont care] and always protects her) so I still stayed with the truth and said "no she never said that to me and I dont want to be pulled into this."
next morning he did the same, this time adding a lie "you can tell me the truth, I overheard her myself telling you." omg - really?! if he would have heard a worker saying somethign like that about his own wife he would have stayed quiet so long?! and again I said "no she didnt and keep me out of it."
yesterday the wife comes and says to me "honestly I dont get you. why did you say she never told you this?!" to which I said "because she didn't." to which she said "you know you should have still said" and she walked out of the office. when I tried to confront her she cut me off saying "this is it, I said what I had to say and we are not talking about this anymore."
I stood there with my mouth open.
I knew I wont tell anyone here. I wont tell her husband because then she will do the same as she did to my worker, harass me for "trying to come between my husband and me." I wont tell the other boss because he will make a whole 'shtink' and same for the other worker.

But you were all so right when you told me to leave.
Today hopefully, with G'd's help I am telling them that I quit. not for any particular reason. I will keep it very civil and say that I decided to go a different direction (which is true, I was offered an interesting - though not well paying - job in another field.
honestly I am petrified to take this step but it will be so liberating. I will offer to stay on a bit if they want to get someone new and then I will go . with my head held high, with my dignity intact and leave this lying, terrorizing kindergarten behind me.
I cant believe I have been here this long....
to those of you reading this and saying "this cant be real, this is way over the top." I agree, I would think the same. but trust me when I say, I have only told you the minimum!
omg I am going to be exhausted in the morning, no sleep coming my way this night...

abound

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 5:54 am

do not offer to stay on a little bit, it is to vague. give them a resignation letter. Tell them you will be available for two weeks or a week from the date. You also will probably have to tell them that any calls to ask you questions after the 2 weeks you are charging them 5$ for the call and 5$ for a certain amount of time and then a 1$ a minute after that allotted time, or they will have you work from home and bother you 15 times a day.

amother

Ivory

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 6:53 am

Unless u have a contract stating terms about leaving ie 2 weeks notice, id give a resignation letter and walk out that door.

That's it. No offer to stay on, no offer for phone calls

NOTHING.

They will keep on using and abusing u.

Make a clean break. Get out asap.

(I feel very strongly about this b/c I've been in your shoes and know what kind of people your ldealing with) ...

abound

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 7:21 am

amother wrote:

I agree with her in a way. Maybe do not offer phone calls etc. But I still would give them a weeks notice, I think it is fair, but DO NOT STAY longer then you write in your resignation letter, and then no phone calls. Yes they will flounder a bit, but it is not your responsibility. Phone calls will get hard if you answer since you have no way of insuring they will pay you.
Good Luck! This cannot be easy.

ra_mom

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 8:10 am

OMG. Please do not give them the 2 weeks notice. They'll squeeze you of every ounce of dignity and convince you to stay longer too. Just walk out of that toxic environment with your head held high. Hug

allthingsblue

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 8:22 am

Joining the chorus here: DON'T offer to stay!!!

amother

cornflower

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:02 am

I have to reiterate what all the other ladies are saying. DO NOT OFFER TO STAY OR HELP
TRAIN!

I've been in a similar situation. You need to tell them that you have something else lined up - even if you don't. If not, they'll guilt and talk you into staying. Another mistake I've made is: do not make it a conversation! You are not there to "work things out". You are there to let them know you're leaving.

Good luck!

Orchid

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:02 am

Also, when you quit, don't give your reasons why (even though they know), since they'll just try to twist your words to convince you to stay. "Oh, you think xyz is a problem? I promise I'll fix XYZ." Just say, I am hereby resigning as of ABC date. That's it. You don't have to give a reason. And don't.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 7:06 am

I QUIT!!!! Bounce

I was shaking from head to toe (crazy I know) and told them in short sentences that I decided that it is time for me to leave. did not give reasons why. told them I can stay until end of august.
they are convinced I am crazy, that I will regret it and come back. but I am staying very dry and technical.
thank you all for your encouragement!
I am so happy and feel so free now!

ra_mom

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 7:15 am

May you go on to bigger and better (and healthier!) things!
Meshana makom, meshana mazel.
You go girl!

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 7:40 am

ra_mom wrote:

May you go on to bigger and better (and healthier!) things!
Meshana makom, meshana mazel.
You go girl!

Amen! thank you!

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 8:29 am

amother wrote:

I QUIT!!!! Bounce

Yayyyy!!!!!
Hashem should bless you with a wonderful fulfilling and paying job!
For the record.. I totally believe your story.. and I'm so glad ur out of there!
I remember the feeling after I said I was leaving.. shaking.. I needed to keep drinking to try to keep the lump in my throat down