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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Why is my baby so unhappy?



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amother
Crimson


 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 7:54 am
Often during the day he will start crying for no apparent reason. He can usually be consoled after a few minutes with a pacifier or being held on our shoulder. At night though, be sleep for about 5 hours (7-12 8-1 or 9-2) then wakes up, nurses, and refuses to go back to sleep even though he is drowsy. He definitely will not go back into his bassinet. After a few minutes of screaming he can usually be soothed enough to sleep in my bed (I hate it for safety reasons and other reasons but otherwise I would not get any sleep). Same thing happens when he wakes up at 3-4-5 am- crying for no apparent reason and refusing to go back to sleep for a while. After a while of screaming (usually longer than the crying earlier in the night) he gets tired and falls asleep in my bed.
I feel horrible and don't know how to help.
He is on medication for reflux, I am burping him, I change his diapers, feed him.... Why is he so upset??
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mfb




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 8:13 am
Just curious what would happen if you just feed and put back into bed without changing or burping? I don't change or burp my babies at night because then they become to awake to fall back to sleep.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 8:25 am
mfb wrote:
Just curious what would happen if you just feed and put back into bed without changing or burping? I don't change or burp my babies at night because then they become to awake to fall back to sleep.


He cries and cries.....

It's weird because at the 7 pm feeding, he eats and falls asleep so I don't burp or change him. But he never falls asleep after the midnight feeding; his eyes look drowsy but he's not asleep. I've tried putting him down without burping/changing, I've tried burping/changing... Nothing helps.

Oh and he doesn't nap! He's not even four weeks old but he doesn't nap nicely. A few minutes here and there- unless we go for a car ride and then he will fall asleep nicely.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:50 am
amother wrote:
He cries and cries.....

It's weird because at the 7 pm feeding, he eats and falls asleep so I don't burp or change him. But he never falls asleep after the midnight feeding; his eyes look drowsy but he's not asleep. I've tried putting him down without burping/changing, I've tried burping/changing... Nothing helps.

Oh and he doesn't nap! He's not even four weeks old but he doesn't nap nicely. A few minutes here and there- unless we go for a car ride and then he will fall asleep nicely.


the standard line is - sleep begets sleep. overtired babies will have trouble sleeping at night. If he's not napping, its going to cause night time troubles.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:51 am
amother wrote:
the standard line is - sleep begets sleep. overtired babies will have trouble sleeping at night. If he's not napping, its going to cause night time troubles.


So what am I supposed to do???
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bsy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:55 am
Try putting him to sleep 80 to 90 minutes after he wakes up. This is supposed to work with the body's narural basic rest and activity cycle (which is 90 minutes) and help him ease into naps.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 10:59 am
bsy wrote:
Try putting him to sleep 80 to 90 minutes after he wakes up. This is supposed to work with the body's narural basic rest and activity cycle (which is 90 minutes) and help him ease into naps.


At night or during the day? Or both?
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bsy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 11:01 am
Both. Always. The premise is that at 90 minutes the body is naturally in a rest period and is ready to sleep. If you can get him to sleep more often and when he is ready for sleep, you may not have so many issues at night.
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chanitroy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 11:13 am
I highly recommend reading the baby whisperer books. She teaches you all that you need to know for each age, how to teach them how to go to sleep on their own. One of her hallmark suggestions is to go on the EASY routine. E for eat, A for activity, S for sleep, Y for You. So if you follow this order you will feed the baby upon waking up only. That way after an hour of being a wake you start looking for tired signs ( newborns cant stay up for 90 min). So when you see they have any signs of kvetchiness, you know theybare not hungry cuz they just ate upon waking just an hour ago... So you get to understand that those kvetches are telling you they are tired already! Most ppl don't know that baby's need so much sleep. Now on how to put baby to sleep, she recommends not to use sleep props, meaning anything external that you use to get them to sleep(or: nursing, rocking, jiggling, swing, driving... Ect) she calls this accidental parenting cuz accidentally you are training them to rely of these things which will only work till a certain age (4 months if ur lucky) and after that you are stuck with a baby that doesn't have sleep skills, and a very cranky baby. She advocates teaching proper sleep skills from birth. In summary her recommendations for newborns sleep is as follows. Four s's: set the stage (darken room, wind down stimulating loud activities for 10 min.. Swaddle (very important to learn the proper technique so they stay swaddled) sitting (sit with them for a few minutes while swaddled in dark room upright leaning over shoulder. They should get very calm here.) and finally the Shush - pat ( technique to use to settle them once you lay them down. Pat very firmly in a rythmic slow beat, while saying shhhhhh very loudly and long (like making the sound of water running out of a faucet). You do this for a long time to get then through the kvetching and wiggling and maybe even crying. But dont pick them up! Just keep at it, once they're settled and getting sleep dont stop! Continue for 20 minutes as this is how long it takes till they get into the deep sleep which at that point you gradually start slowing it down and quieting the shhhhhh.) this may seem like hard work and that's because it is! But you are doing the greater work cuz you are teaching your baby the greatest skill in life and that is to self soothe! After a few days of doing this consistently throughout the naptimes and bedtime and overnight.... You will start to see a baby that you can swaddle and just lay down in crib and walk righ out and they will fall asleep on their own! It mamesh amazing! And nothing short of miraculous! I wish you the best of luck! And another important thing is to have your husband involved! Or someone who can support you through this and take shifts! Cuz it's extremely draining to do on your own!

Last edited by chanitroy on Wed, Jul 05 2017, 11:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 05 2017, 11:16 am
Do you swaddle?
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