Does it matter what she stole?

amother

Puce

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 8:36 am

My housekeeper who I really like and rely on could be stealing from me.
Things like a box of tissues, wipes, toilet paper...
It really messes with my mind. I buy stuff when its on sale and then I can't remember if I had 2 or 3 etc. But my gut is telling me that she is taking small things.
Is this grounds for immediate dismissal? She has never taken anything valuble or any money.

It makes me feel so uncomfortable. On the other hand my baby adores her and she is really kindnto my kids.

What to do??

Editing to change incorrect wording

allthingsblue

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 8:43 am

It wouldn't bother me. Also, don't make assumptions until you know for sure.
Maybe she's just taking some of those things for her room/bathroom, which is perfectly okay.
I mean, if she lives by you, why would she steal toilet paper and wipes? Where would she be taking them to and what use would she have for it?

justmarried:)

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 8:44 am

You should figure out on weather she actually taking those stuff or not. Write a list someplace and cross off every time you use something. If she is taking the stuff than you should get rid of her bec she's starting with small stuff,seeing if you notice and then will go on to bigger stuff.

SYA

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 9:06 am

As "just married" said, she's probably starting with smaller things to see if you'll notice the bigger things.

If you can't trust her with basic things around the house, then she can't be trusted with your valuables and certainly not with your most valuable possession - your child.

Simple1

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 9:13 am

Yeah..if she's a live in, why would she need to take those things? Are you sure you are keeping track accurately? If she's the one replacing the toilet paper with a new roll, then you might lose track of how much you're using. Also, she could be taking a tissue box for her room which I assume you should be OK with.

If she's taking valuables or money, now that's a different story.

amother

Puce

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 10:26 am

I'm the op, just to clarify.

I notice things missing over and above the things I give her.
I don't live in the US and I might have used the term "live in" incorrectly.
So let me try again

She is my housekeeper.
I buy her a lot of stuff including toiletries, food etc over and above her salary.
She has access to the kitchen and I really try and give her as much as I possibly can.

This is partly why I'm so upset, "..gift horse in the mouth" scenario.
I'm wondering if I should speak to her and say any type of taking is not ok and warn her if it happens again we will have to part ways.
Obviously giving her the opportunity to tell me her side.

I really rely on her. This is why it is such a difficult predicament. I would like to just swwep it under the rug but I have an uncomfortable feeling.

Thank you for all the replies and I apologise for giving wrong information.

SixOfWands

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 10:35 am

So, you have an employee whose work you're happy with. You have no evidence that she's stealing from you. You don't actually keep track of these items. But you just have a "feeling" that you have fewer tissues and toilet paper than you think you should. And so you want to fire her?

Do you or your husband hold jobs? How would you feel about that? "Imamother, we bought 2 boxes of pens a few weeks ago. There's a lot gone now. I dont have any evidence, but I just have a feeling that you're stealing them. So you're fired."

Good luck with that anyway. Because maybe you get away with it once. But no decent nanny is going to work with you once word gets out that you're counting the TP and accusing people of theft if too much is used.

amother

Puce

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 10:42 am

SixOfWands wrote:

I hear what you are saying.
But I feel like its different when someone is in your most private space. They have access to everything of yours. You need to be able to trust them. I don't want to fire her! I like her. That's why I am asking here if it matters what she stole.

If an employee was constantly stealing pens though, would it be okay?

It also messes with my mind. I buy tissues to use on shabbos when they are on sale. I know I had and 5 minutes before shabbos there is nothing in the closet.

Yes I could have used them, but I'm 95 percent sure I didn't. Its a very uncomfortable feeling always second guessing myself and wondering if I am going crazy.

Also. I am happy to give her these things. But I am not happy with her helping herself.

amother

Puce

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 10:43 am

amother wrote:

But she does live in your house? If she's cleaning for you maybe she needs that stuff for cleaning? You can start keeping an inventory if you want though.

No she doesn't but is in my house for most of the day. Obviously she uses my bathroom doesn't beed seperate toilet paper.

justmarried:)

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 11:01 am

Then she isn't a live in. Live in means someone that sleeps in your house every night. Not just hangs out there by day. Start by taking inventory. Because your not even positive she is taking these stuff. If she is taking that stuff home with her that's considered stealing. Even though it's small items.

justmarried:)

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 11:05 am

Or cameras. If you decide to take inventory you should tell everyone in your house about it who can take stuff also like your husband or older kids if you have. I don't know how inventory will work though. Bec she's your cleaning lady. Her job is to replace toilet paper and tissues in bathrooms when they are empty. And use wipes for your baby or whatever so not sure how you will even do this

amother

Puce

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 11:07 am

justmarried:) wrote:

Or cameras. If you decide to take inventory you should tell everyone in your house about it who can take stuff also like your husband or older kids if you have. I don't know how inventory will work though. Bec she's your cleaning lady. Her job is to replace toilet paper and tissues in bathrooms when they are empty. Ando use wipes for your baby or whatever so not sure how you will even do this

I usually change the toilet paper and tissues.

I might have to take an inventory. Thanks for the advice.

allthingsblue

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 11:17 am

amother wrote:

Im sorry. I made a mistake. I don't live in the US and I sometimes use your terms incorrectly.
I apologize for the misunderstanding.

No need to apologize, I was just wondering!
But back to your question, if it's only toilet paper and wipes it wouldn't bother me.

33055

Sun, Jul 09 2017, 11:18 am

amother wrote:

I understand you. I don't mind giving cleaning ladies things, but the help yourself drives me crazy because you think you have stuff you need and it is gone.