How to get 4 year old to do what you ask the first time

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Indigo

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 3:03 am

I have a generally well-behaved 4 year old daughter. She knows how to listen to the rules and to do what she is supposed to in general. We use 1-2-3-Magic with her to help discipline her, and it works great.

But, when I ask her to do things (big or small), or even just to answer a question (e.g. did you have enough peas), I have to ask her at least 5 times (or sometimes 10 times) for everything, and it's exhausting. Or count to 10 for every request, but that's also exhausting if I have to do it a dozen times throughout the day. I try to use natural consequences where relevant (e.g. it took so much time for you to hear that I want you to put your pajamas on and go do it, that now we don't have time for a book), but I don't want to punish her every time she doesn't do what I ask the first time. Timers work well for certain tasks (e.g. getting dressed), but not for every little thing (go wash your hands, put that book back before you run off, answering quesitons, etc).

Any tips/suggestions/methods to get your kids to listen the first time? Thanks!

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 3:25 am

Sounds to me from what you wrote you should be happy and rejoicing that you have such a good kid and not try to control her further.

simba

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 4:05 am

My initial reaction is to tell you to give it up, it isn't happening but, you asked for tips and not my advice.

You can reward first time listening. My son had a chart at some point and got a sticker when he listened the first time. When the chart was finished we went out and bought a prize. It has gotten better as he became more intuned. I would remind him before asking for someing or giving instructions.."let's see if we can get a sticker for first time listening" this usually got him moving right away.

Good luck and don't sweat the small stuff!

salt

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 4:35 am

Don't speak to her from the other room, or even the other side of the room - stand or bend down in front of her, get down to her height, put your hand on her shoulder, look her in the eyes, and ask her "will you now come for dinner please"

Ruchel

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 4:36 am

I ask once, nicely.
Then a second time more strongly.
Then I threaten.
It works if you go through.

gibberish

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 5:50 am

Gently remove any distractions while you are talking to her to get her attention.

Mommastuff

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:17 am

Maybe she's just a space cadet.
She may not outgrow it.

Make eye contact when you ask a question or a request.
Reward good behavior.
Natural consequences are not punishments.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:20 am

Maybe she has poor auditory processing?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:28 am

Have her hearing tested. My DD needed ear tubes for a while, and it improved her attention 95% (the rest was just her being a kid).

I also second getting her tested for auditory processing issues. A visual prompt may be more effective with her, like a chart showing what is expected at what time, or in what order.

4 is very young. A lot of it can just be developmental, so don't panic just yet. Get the testing done first. If she's otherwise very bright and learns fast, it's probably one of the above.

Kiwi Bubby

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 7:34 am

"Connect Before You Direct"

Connect with your child by making eye contact and asking her about something she is in the middle of.
then you can direct her to do the next thing.

(I didn't make this up, I read it somewhere)

amother

Indigo

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 3:35 pm

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't want my expectations to be too high. It's really ok with me if she doesn't listen the first time for everything, but I don't want to have to ask her every little thing 5 or 10 times, because it basically eats up 10% of the day.

I got her hearing tested (we do have mild hearing problems which run in the family, so we did this a while ago), and it was fine. Would this also cover auditory processing?

She definitely is a somewhat of a space cadet, sometimes I wonder if she has ADD or if she's just 4. Only time will tell Smile

I like the connect and redirect idea, I had not heard that before, and I will try it.

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