I need get used to put things where truly belong - & kids

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 8:21 am

I think this is why my house flies. I just searched house flying and found a great little thread suggesting clean up time with a timer and other good chizuk. 2 problems: I stop too quikly. Sort of get complacent with the tiny work done while there is still 5 times work to do. And I need get used to never put down things where they don't belong. We all put in temporary places a lot here. Thanks if you can help.

zaq

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 8:35 am

Practice mindfulness. IOW don't go on autopilot. Pay attention to what you do. When handling an object, think "where does this belong?" and then put it there. No "I'll put this here for now." "for now" becomes "forever".

This is not something anyone can help you with, any more than anyone can go on a diet for you. It all starts with your head. Your head has to be in control, and the rest follows.

Also, you seem to be a victim of "all or nothing" thinking. So what if you have five times more stuff to clean up? Today you put ten things back where they belong. Tomorrow you will handle another ten. Little things add up. Your house didn't turn into the town dump in a day and it won't become House Beautiful in a day. Chip away at the mess a little at a time and take pleasure in the small accomplishments.

Get your family on board unless you look forward to cleaning up their stuff forever.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:09 am

amother wrote:

This is not op, but zaq, I find the problem with being mindful about "where I am putting stuff" is that my mind then is not free to roam where I want it to. So it makes me sad. But then the mess also makes me sad. Can you relate op?

I think more than I do. But did not grow and did not aspire to grow as a scientist. Lol (had great math grades)
My mom sayd once "stop thinking about relationships and clean the place". Is this kind of what goes thru your mind?

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:20 am

It's more like I used to have my mind free to think about whatever. Why Hashem made the world, why are men and women different, what are we hear for? Now if I do that, the house gets messy coz there is so much to do. OR rather I just can't keep thinking about all the mundane stuff I do all day.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:27 am

I think less ruchnius . Im not sure . Next time I distract myself or I plop on couch I 'll pay attention to what goes thru the head (Probably very soon) Meanwhile I went first time to flylady and let me do some house work while im inspired. I'll let you know if it lasted 5 or 10 or 15 minutes

zaq

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:54 am

amother wrote:

"My mind is not free to roam where I want it to" when you stop to put the garlic powder back in the spice rack? That has to win the award for the most creative excuse I have ever heard. Are your thoughts so profound, so earth-shattering, that you can't leave them for a few minutes a day to pay attention to what you are doing? I hope you don't drive, then.

I know, I know, that was harsh. Consider it tough love. If you don't mind that your house looks like the town dump and your kids don't want to have friends over, fine. But if you are distressed about your home environment, then get your head out of the clouds. That award-winning poem, those life-changing insights, those sweet memories can wait a few minutes while you put the laundry away. You owe it to yourself and your family. What kind of chinuch do you think you're giving your children? Orderliness is a Jewish value. That's why we call it a Pesach SEDER. That's why the Torah devotes a lot of ink and parchment to describing the ORGANIZATION of the camp in the desert.

"sad" that your house is a mess? Oh, please! Be sad that there are starving children in Israel. be sad that vibrant young people are dying of diseases we still can't cure. be sad that your Cousin Golde, who is smart, beautiful, and good, can't find a shidduch. A messy house is not something to be "sad" about. It's something to pay attention to and do something about.

amother

Lavender

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 9:59 am

I recently took a professional organizer and redid my entire house. It made a huge difference for me. I feel like it is my home and everything in my home has a "home"- a place. Everything is labeled and comtainerized (basically).
So at the end of the day when I'm cleaning up I know exactly where everything belongs, and--- I know exactly where to find everything!

zaq

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 10:24 am

What you ladies with the creative excuses don't realize is that an orderly home frees you and your mind to go wherever you want. When you make a place for everything and get into the habit of putting things where they belong, doing so eventually becomes second nature. You waste less time hunting for things because they're always where they belong. You don't buy duplicates of things you have because you know you have them, or can easily check to see if you have them. You don't have to exert precious cerebral energy to think about where to put things because you already have a well-worn neural pathway that for that information. IOW, you can put things away without thinking about it.

If you can walk and talk at the same time, which means your neural pathway for walking is so well-worn that you don't have to think about putting one foot in front of the other, shifting your weight forward, lifting the back leg and swinging it forward, then you can learn to put things away where they belong and still be able to think about other things.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 1:49 pm

So I'm to assume navel gazing full time is an excuse for having your home look like a dump???

Seriously if your thoughts are so profound and important what have you done to solve world hunger, overpopulation and pollution? Or is the navel gazing fixated on what new color or fashion is trendy?

jewish613

Tue, Jul 11 2017, 3:08 pm

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com

I found this blog, her book, and her general approach to be helpful and on target. (Thanks fellow imamothers for suggesting it!). It's written by someone to whom organization did not come naturally, so I feel she understands the mindset and struggles. She has practical and intellectual ideas to help recognize and change your habits and thinking patterns.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Jul 12 2017, 10:54 pm

Forestgreen, I realized now that my thoughts are also unorganized.

amother wrote:

I realized that I think of yesterdays coments, customers, conversations, my familys interactions, current things, future plans or dreams without order. I go to the room take my husband's pair of socks because im doing a black load and I right away do other things. 6 minutes later and a room later I remember that I was starting a black load

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 12:12 am

Hi op. I got a bit scared of this thread because hey, people are often misunderstood on here. I do get exactly what you are saying about being distracted, but I consider this one of my positive qualities if used the right way. I can connect very different things and come up with something new. What about you? I don't feel happy when my mind is cluttered with household tasks. However it is true that where there is a lot of order in the house I can do things more on automatic pilot, which makes me much happier. Are there some parts of your house keeping that are more organized?

From your last post, I bet someone will jump on and suggest we get assessed for ADHD. Maybe a couple of sessions with a home organizer would be better for both of us.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Jul 13 2017, 1:19 am

When you get used to putting things where they belong, you do it automatically and don't have to think about it at all.

It takes about a month of doing something consistently to rewire your brain and create a new habit. So you need to invest a month in order to make putting things away automatic. But then you will have freed up a lot of mental space for thinking.