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-> New York related Inquiries
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amother
Fuchsia
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 Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:40 pm
| amother wrote: | Don't be ridiculous. Last I checked, car services weren't free.
Any lady driver servicing these communities isn't servicing unquestionably without reciprocation.
These women have identified a way to make money and therefore taken advantage of this market niche. They've chosen this way to make their living. |
Reciprocation wasn't meant in the literal sense, it was meant figuratively.
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amother
Cyan
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:40 pm
| amother wrote: | I have no excuse for being on imamother. I am fully aware that this is a failing of mine and that I should be stronger. I have a "thing" for intellectual debate, and my taaveh is pulling me here. I agree that I shouldn't.
However, you are wrong about the internet being banned for business. I specifically asked a shaila about using it for my work and was told it is okay with a filter. I do need to make a tighter filter and block out even sites like this, and I pray I will get there soon, since obviously, this isn't for work. But for now, I am human. I agree that I am doing something rather not good.
At least I'm honest. I think we all have areas where we are weak and need to grow. One negative doesn't cancel out all of the positive. |
I enjoy this site. That's why I'm here. In terms of distancing you from your strong held chassidic beliefs being here will change your mind faster than driving will. It's is neither a positive or a negative. It's just something I think will happen. Could just be that you are here for years and this just an assumption on my part.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:45 pm
| amother wrote: | I don't agree with this at all. Many of us are living here not by personal choice, just by the circumstances of being born in this particular community. It is excruciatingly difficult to disentangle oneself from your family, friends, jobs and the education (or lack of education) and set down roots elsewhere. Furthermore, many of these chumros are new and being forced upon life-long residents in the communities. On paper it sounds ideal - just move elsewhere. In actuality, its one of the most difficult things to do.
Communities are ESTABLISHED with like-minded individuals. But those ideal are often hijacked as time moves on. Being that we are raised with particular skills and education, the options available are extremely limited or equally distasteful. |
This is just an excuse. You are attacking the community because you are not interested in abiding by the standards.
All human beings have choices in life.
Just look at baalei teshuvah or gerim. Those people really truly believe what they are pursuing and find the strength to do what they need to do.
If someone really wants something, they get it.
Lashing out at one's surroundings because they aren't happy doesn't mean that that person's view is correct; it means that that person is in pain and doesn't have the strength to do what they want to do.
It's easy to be angry. It's easy to see the world from unhappy point of view. But the easy path isn't always right.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:47 pm
| amother wrote: | Oh, and btw, I happen to have a blast in life! Not interested in giving away my identity, but I've definitely made a name for myself through my talents and hobbies in life. I have a great personality and all of the people I know do as well.
When you lump us together and view us all as products of the cookie-cutter, it's easy to say we are all the same. But when each person is allowed to shine in their own light, we're all quite different. Blessedly so. Shame you can't see that. Time to take off the blinders of resentment you hold towards the community.
Saying we are all the same is the same "racist" mindset as saying all African Americans look alike. |
No one is discussing personality. We are discussing our religious paths and required observances. Are you denying that the chassidish school demand a cookie-cutter approach? Yes, everyone must follow the same religious chumros and restrictions put forth.
And please - please PLEASE - tell me how each woman is allowed to shine in their own light??? Please take off YOUR blinders and tell me how a woman in the chassidish community can shine in her own light, if taking a backseat is not her approach in life. If she has this urge to sing and dance or if she has an urge to embark on a great career, or if she has an urge to part of a Yom Tov instead of being relegated to the kitchen?? This question has been put forth on so many threads and NOT ONE thread has yielded a response.
I'm happy for you that your happy with your lot, but where is your sense of compassion for the other members of your community that feel restricted and choked by these limited options?
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:51 pm
| amother wrote: | No one is discussing personality. We are discussing our religious paths and required observances. Are you denying that the chassidish school demand a cookie-cutter approach? Yes, everyone must follow the same religious chumros and restrictions put forth.
And please - please PLEASE - tell me how each woman is allowed to shine in their own light??? Please take off YOUR blinders and tell me how a woman in the chassidish community can shine in her own light, if taking a backseat is not her approach in life. If she has this urge to sing and dance or if she has an urge to embark on a great career, or if she has an urge to part of a Yom Tov instead of being relegated to the kitchen?? This question has been put forth on so many threads and NOT ONE thread has yielded a response.
I'm happy for you that your happy with your lot, but where is your sense of compassion for the other members of your community that feel restricted and choked by these limited options? |
Compassion? I have deep pity for people that can't see the beauty in our way of life. The beauty is so deep, so real it pulsates! It is a tragedy when one can't see the beauty.
You want to sing and dance? Do so! There are plenty of kosher venues! I know women that have opened recording studios, direct plays, hold kumzitzes. Every taaveh has a kosher outlet. Stop being the victim and find it!
As for cookie-cutter schools... Huh? What, because girls wear uniforms and tights? Come on now. Every school has rules. EVERY SCHOOL. It's normal life.
You want to be part of yom tov, be part! What's holding you back?
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amother
Denim
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:55 pm
| amother wrote: | | Reciprocation wasn't meant in the literal sense, it was meant figuratively. |
Oh so please explain what you were trying to say with the rest of that line as well?
Once you start talking nonsense then your arguments lose all their weight.
I'm not chassidish btw.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 9:58 pm
| amother wrote: | This is just an excuse. You are attacking the community because you are not interested in abiding by the standards.
All human beings have choices in life.
Just look at baalei teshuvah or gerim. Those people really truly believe what they are pursuing and find the strength to do what they need to do.
If someone really wants something, they get it.
Lashing out at one's surroundings because they aren't happy doesn't mean that that person's view is correct; it means that that person is in pain and doesn't have the strength to do what they want to do.
It's easy to be angry. It's easy to see the world from unhappy point of view. But the easy path isn't always right. |
I'm not angry in the least bit, I'm ok with my lot at this point and abide by the standards of my choosing. It's just that I'm exposed to the pain in the community on a daily basis. I see how many people are hurting, how many lives are being ruined by the strict enforcement, the lack of education for men and troubles among the youth, that it pains me to no end. Many people in this community don't go broadcasting their issues precisely because there are people like you out there, the ones brandishing how great life is within the system and project that the cause of pain must be within the victims.
It is time to recognize that while the system has it good parts, it is increasingly incorporating unpleasant (and not related to the Torah) requirements that are stifling the good parts and hurting so many.
And personally, I've dealt with many people with attitude like yours. The ones that stick their hands in the sand and proclaim the greatness of their society ..... until it reaches home. Then I hear "I never realized, I never understood it or I never was able to see this... "and so on and so forth.
Please listen to the ones that crying, the ones stifling their pain within until they can no longer bear it and lets do something about it now. If you don't want to do it for them, do it for yourself - before it touches home.
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amother
Denim
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:01 pm
| amother wrote: | I'm not angry in the least bit, I'm ok with my lot at this point and abide by the standards of my choosing. It's just that I'm exposed to the pain in the community on a daily basis. I see how many people are hurting, how many lives are being ruined by the strict enforcement, the lack of education for men and troubles among the youth, that it pains me to no end. Many people in this community don't go broadcasting their issues precisely because there are people like you out there, the ones brandishing how great life is within the system and project that the cause of pain must be within the victims.
It is time to recognize that while the system has it good parts, it is increasingly incorporating unpleasant (and not related to the Torah) requirements that are stifling the good parts and hurting so many.
And personally, I've dealt with many people with attitude like yours. The ones that stick their hands in the sand and proclaim the greatness of their society ..... until it reaches home. Then I hear "I never realized, I never understood it or I never was able to see this... "and so on and so forth.
Please listen to the ones that crying, the ones stifling their pain within until they can no longer bear it and lets do something about it now. If you don't want to do it for them, do it for yourself - before it touches home. |
Why should she make changes if she's happy with her lifestyle?
If you're not happy then make changes for yourself, no need to pull others with you. No need to predict doom and gloom with all the melodrama.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:03 pm
| amother wrote: |
Please listen to the ones that crying, the ones stifling their pain within until they can no longer bear it and lets do something about it now. If you don't want to do it for them, do it for yourself - before it touches home. |
There are definitely hurting people in the community, and they need help, without a doubt. They need love and support, but what they don't need is validation in bashing the community.
The community is NOT to blame for struggling individuals. Think in terms of science: There is a controlled study, with two groups, the happy lot and the unhappy lot. Both have the same exposure to community rules. So can we blame the lifestyle on the unhappy lots pain? No.
We can only attribute a person's pain to the fact that humans are complex being with many, many factors making up life experience.
Such factors include:
Personality
Mental illness
Abuse or lack of
Illness in the family
Poverty
Health status
Etc.
Don't blame the community for what hurts you. Your life is made up of many factors, and because of the pain you are in from those factors, you are looking for something to blame. Community is a great scapegoat.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:03 pm
| amother wrote: | Compassion? I have deep pity for people that can't see the beauty in our way of life. The beauty is so deep, so real it pulsates! It is a tragedy when one can't see the beauty.
You want to sing and dance? Do so! There are plenty of kosher venues! I know women that have opened recording studios, direct plays, hold kumzitzes. Every taaveh has a kosher outlet. Stop being the victim and find it!
As for cookie-cutter schools... Huh? What, because girls wear uniforms and tights? Come on now. Every school has rules. EVERY SCHOOL. It's normal life.
You want to be part of yom tov, be part! What's holding you back? |
You do realize beauty is defined differently by every person? And please, stop playing dumb. You know as well as I do, that the cookie-cutter reference applies to the schools demands of the parents!
As for Yom Tov, I'm all open to ideas. Please tell me how a woman can be part of simchas Torah or other Yom Tov for that matter? Being on the sidelines and having my everyday workload increased threefold is not a cause for celebration on my end. If you can help me out here, the pleasures I'll then derive from YT will be a lifelong zchus for you.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:07 pm
| amother wrote: | Why should she make changes if she's happy with her lifestyle?
If you're not happy then make changes for yourself, no need to pull others with you. No need to predict doom and gloom with all the melodrama. |
Again - please stop confusing personal choices with community restrictions. One does not have the ability to change community restrictions or community setups.
With only one path being allowed in these communities it does cause doom and gloom for many. I'm sorry that you don't want to hear that, nor see how its detrimental to many. I thought looking out for our brothers is one of the core Jewish traits.
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amother
Denim
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:09 pm
| amother wrote: | Again - please stop confusing personal choices with community restrictions. One does not have the ability to change community restrictions or community setups.
With only one path being allowed in these communities it does cause doom and gloom for many. I'm sorry that you don't want to hear that, nor see how its detrimental to many. I thought looking out for our brothers is one of the core Jewish traits. |
You have the personal choice to change your own lifestyle.
Sure it's hard, but you can't expect to drag an entire community down with you in order to make the transition that you're seeking.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:10 pm
| amother wrote: | You do realize beauty is defined differently by every person? And please, stop playing dumb. You know as well as I do, that the cookie-cutter reference applies to the schools demands of the parents!
As for Yom Tov, I'm all open to ideas. Please tell me how a woman can be part of simchas Torah or other Yom Tov for that matter? Being on the sidelines and having my everyday workload increased threefold is not a cause for celebration on my end. If you can help me out here, the pleasures I'll then derive from YT will be a lifelong zchus for you. |
RE: Demands of the parents: Every school has the right (and obligation) to put forth rules and regulations of what they expect from the parents and student body. Remember, this isn't public school; these are private institutions that have the ability to choose what the student body represents. Kosher across the board. It happens in non-Jewish private schools as well.
Just some simple solutions for making life more enjoyable:
1. Buy yom tov! Don't make youself a slave in the kitchen if you aren't up to it. (Buy Rite has a great Shabbos package, btw.)
2. Need help with the kids? Put out a feeler in the community and see if a girl can help for a bit, or swap with another parent. Work out nap schedules with your husband. (I always go for first nap!!!  )
3. Schedule time pre-Yom Tov to attend a shiur to awaken positive Yom Tov feelings in you. Invest in your ruchnius.
If a person isn't happy, it means something isn't going smoothly. Don't wallow in unhappiness. Find solutions!
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amother
Cyan
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:10 pm
| amother wrote: | This is just an excuse. You are attacking the community because you are not interested in abiding by the standards.
All human beings have choices in life.
Just look at baalei teshuvah or gerim. Those people really truly believe what they are pursuing and find the strength to do what they need to do.
If someone really wants something, they get it.
Lashing out at one's surroundings because they aren't happy doesn't mean that that person's view is correct; it means that that person is in pain and doesn't have the strength to do what they want to do.
It's easy to be angry. It's easy to see the world from unhappy point of view. But the easy path isn't always right. |
It is great for you that you are happy in your chassidus and don't feel unfairly restrained by certain social expectations and chumrahs.
Could be you just live next to main st. 
May Hashem bentch you with an easy life, no intellectual angst and no hardships that will cause you to question why the we are maintaining the status quo and not changing anything.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:12 pm
| amother wrote: |
The community is NOT to blame for struggling individuals. Think in terms of science: There is a controlled study, with two groups, the happy lot and the unhappy lot. Both have the same exposure to community rules. So can we blame the lifestyle on the unhappy lots pain? No.
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Your entire analogy is wrong. The control group would need to have the exact same makeup as the experimental group. Which in this case, you're two groups are very far apart. You are not factoring in the following:
Human chemistries
Human biological makeup
Human genetics
Human desires
Human needs
Human skills
Human talents
and so on..
Everyone has different desires and different needs. What works for one does not work for the other. Hashem created us all differently and thats one thing these communities refuse to acknowledge. Everyone is expected to follow the same path. So based on the Hashem's creation, 50% will find satisfaction in this setup, but yet 50% won't.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:14 pm
| amother wrote: | You have the personal choice to change your own lifestyle.
Sure it's hard, but you can't expect to drag an entire community down with you in order to make the transition that you're seeking. |
You'd be correct if I were the only one having the issue. But with the increasingly large numbers being affected, the community itself is becoming the drag.
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:14 pm
| amother wrote: | It is great for you that you are happy in your chassidus and don't feel unfairly restrained by certain social expectations and chumrahs.
Could be you just live next to main st.
May Hashem bentch you with an easy life, no intellectual angst and no hardships that will cause you to question why the we are maintaining the status quo and not changing anything. |
Happens to be I've been through Hell and back. I've had more hardships than most people I've ever met. If I wrote my story, it would top the best sellers chart.
Hardship can make a person break or it can make a person grow.
Many times hardship makes a person hit rock bottom, yes. But where do they go from there? Do they stay on the bottom? Or do they realize the only way is up?
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:18 pm
| amother wrote: | | You'd be correct if I were the only one having the issue. But with the increasingly large numbers being affected, the community itself is becoming the drag. |
I don't think the increasingly large numbers are indicative of community problems, I believe they are indicative of BROADER problems that are infiltrating our communities, such as technology obsessions, widespread exposure to s*xual matters, a general decline in the thinking nature of humans.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:19 pm
| amother wrote: | RE: Demands of the parents: Every school has the right (and obligation) to put forth rules and regulations of what they expect from the parents and student body. Remember, this isn't public school; these are private institutions that have the ability to choose what the student body represents. Kosher across the board. It happens in non-Jewish private schools as well.
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NO!!!, Schools don't have any right and an obligation to put forth rules and regulation for Parents' behaviors outside of school. However, they do have the full right to put forth rules and regulations for the student.
It does NOT happen in non-Jewish private schools. They do not tell the parents what to wear, drive or not to drive, what they can or cannot bring into their homes and so on!!!!!!!
Chinuch belongs to the youth. Once we are adults, we reserve the right to make our own choices. Nowhere in the Torah does it say that we should restrict each other's behaviors or force our will upon others.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 16 2017, 10:21 pm
| amother wrote: | | I don't think the increasingly large numbers are indicative of community problems, I believe they are indicative of BROADER problems that are infiltrating our communities, such as technology obsessions, widespread exposure to s*xual matters, a general decline in the thinking nature of humans. |
Are you stating this out of experience of just what you personally believe? From my experience, it is the community problems that are leading people to technology obsessions and other unwanted behaviors. People act out due to unhappiness or pain within. I'm not denying that those objects have lure to them, but the lure is increased many times over when pain is present.
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