Son misses bus every single day without fail.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:07 am

He always runs our a minute too late, then misses, comes home, cries, is afraid of the consequences he'll suffer from teacher principal. Next day, same scenario.
Goes to bed late, can't get up in the morning, then finally gets up, jumps into shower, finally gets out of shower, runs out to bus a minute too late, misses bus, comes back home, cries, afraid, goes with next bus, suffers consequences but doesn't learn from mistakes.
Ugh. I ran out of ideas. He's 12.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:28 am

He learns that pretty quickly. Within a day, he'll figure out that he still has 3 more minutes.
He has ADD. Is in therapy.
For the first 8 months of this school year, I woke up religiously every morning at 6 to wake him up and get him out of the house on time. It was draining to wake a child that went to sleep 6 hours earlier.
Then I realised he totally dropped responsibilty. Im trying to reverse that. I told him if hes not in bed by certain time, I won't wake him any longer.
And this is the next chapter. Unfolding.

33055

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:34 am

amother wrote:

I thought it was an ADD behavior. You do realize that this is not his fault? And missing the bus and suffering consequences is undermining is self esteem which is already likely damaged.

How old is he?

You should speak with the person treating this.

You can try charts and rewards rather than letting him suffer the consequences for not going to bed on time.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:39 am

Squishy wrote:

I'm not giving the consequences. His teacher principal won't hear of anything. Thet say, If he's smart enough to keep up with the learning then he has what it takes to come on time.
He doesnt want me to tell his teacher that he has ADD.
At wits end

Charts? I'm coming from there.
He's so argumentive. I'm a very soft person. It was very hard for me to decide that I'm going this route.
There's one thing he loves. Money. Maybe I should give him money for going into bed on time. Problem is he loves big money.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:49 am

First things first, why does he have to take a shower in the morning. Have him take one before bed at night.
Second, why is he going to bed late. Make a bed time for him. He is only 12, he can have an actual bed time.
Third, if this is happening every morning, how is he getting to school? Are you taking him after that? What if he knows you wont take him/cant take him anymore? Would that change anything?

DrMom

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:54 am

Sorry -- don't know how I missed that. embarrassed

Anyhow, I think it's strange that there are never any consequences to missing the bus. Does he just stay at home by himself?

I understand that he has ADD, but you have to work with him to make sure he can do the minimum he needs to learn -- and I would think *showing up* is one of those things.

Perhaps the goal should not be "catch the bus at 7:30" but rather "be at bus stop at 7:20."

And where is he getting stuck? Can you break up his morning into a series of smaller goals?

imasinger

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:54 am

Re rewards. Little money adds up to big money.

Perhaps make him a chart, he has to fill it to earn his reward. Start small -- 3 days out of 2 weeks, a reward of a smaller sum. Then, gradually ramp up the ante and the expectations.

Re telling the school. IMO, this is not something a kid should decide. Do you think they will understand and do right by him, or are they in the dark about ADHD? If they don't know, would they listen to you or DH?

Re sleep. Is he on meds? If so, when is he taking them? He may need to shift the wake-up dose, and be sure that everything is out of his system so that he can sleep.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:55 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

He has a bedtime. This is (was) the nightly argument. Go into shower. Go into bed. I was totally exhausted from this so I stopped the begging and the nagging a few weeks ago.

I don't take him. He goes with the next bus route 45 minutes later.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:57 am

amother wrote:

So then tell him he cant take a shower in the morning anymore. Tell him that he is not allowed to be 45 minutes late to school every day.
What is keeping him from doing those things, shower bed, when he is supposed to?

And there are for sure consequences then, from his teachers, no, for being late every day?

33055

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 7:58 am

amother wrote:

You are giving him the consequences by not waking him up of he goes to sleep late.

I hope you get this treated. His school day is only going to get longer. How is he at the end of the day? If he has ADD untreated, and is not getting sleep, I can't imagine this is a good experience for him.

If he has electronics, take them away hours before bedtime. Have DH do it if you are soft. Your son needs structure, he doesn't need stimulation before bed. Adolescent boys are very motivated by their electronics. My son's yeshiva found the most effective punishment is to take away their phones.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 8:00 am

DrMom wrote:

Perhaps the goal should not be "catch the bus at 7:30" but rather "be at bus stop at 7:20."

This is (was) another daily argument. I want him to be out of the house 3 minutes before his bus comes. He still has to walk up the block. He argues that it's pointless. I felt like I'm getting nowhere with the constant arguments. I thought the only way he might begin to listen to my opinions, and to authority on general, would be by letting him feel the taste of the consequences.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 8:04 am

Squishy wrote:

He has no electronics. He's on meds. He can just be busy reading eating playing.
Re waking him up. He has his alarm clock. Im just not as involved as I used to be. I'm here for him. But I'm not doing the job for him. Today, he was up on time. But he went out 3 minutes later.

33055

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 8:09 am

amother wrote:

He is a special boy and may need more hands on then other teens. His brain is wired differently.

Perhaps his meds keep him up. It might be time to tweak his medication to his changing body. I reiterate to talk to the person treating him. There are drs who specialize only in dosing ADD/ADHD adolescents.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 8:09 am

imasinger wrote:

Ty for the chart idea. I'll try it. He's afraid his rebbe will say something out loud. Happened previously. Theyre not completely in the dark. But not completely educated either. I don't know if it's worth it, from what I experinced previous years.
His meds are out of his system by bedtime.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 8:12 am

Squishy wrote:

I reiterate to talk to the person treating him. There are drs who specialize only in dosing ADD/ADHD adolescents.

His meds are out by 3 pm, he sais. We aren't sure yet what to do about the rest of the day.
Can you reccomend Dr specializing in twerking add meds? Ty

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Jul 18 2017, 8:12 am

amother wrote:

I think your handling it all wrong. What kid can get up at 6:00 without help from parent? You know your kid has issues and your gonna expect him to get up at 6:00 with no problems? I have to basically force my kids out of bed at 7:15. If I simply say that if you go to sleep late, it's your problem and I'm not waking you up, they'd be very late every single day. Look, your kid has some issues. He's gonna need your help in the morning. If you leave it all to him you can expect this unnecessary problem to continue. Hatslacha.