How to build up DD's confidence

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 4:27 pm

She's always complaining that her classmates "tchepa" her and this one said she's a baby, that one said she has tiny feet, this one hit/scratched/pinched her and on and on. oh and all yr if you told her "I love you & your sooo cute" she would say uh uh with a very sad face (she happens to be very cute) she finally admitted to me that so & so always tells her she's not cute.
I know it's typical for preschoolers to say things. I don't know if they're targeting her more cuz she's sensitive. (if they are, or maybe she's just complaining more cuz she is sensitive and takes it all very seriously) or she is really maybe being bullied.

She's now in a different school for DC (and she's not going back to her old school).

Any ideas (or books I can read) on how I can encourage her to laugh off these comments. I don't want to invalidate her but don't want her to harp on them either.

Thoughts?

amother

White

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 9:45 pm

Try coaching her on how to respond to different scenarios that may happen. Role play with her so she learns how to respond in a way that doesn't make the other children see her as sensitive, which sometimes attracts more harrassment.

amother

Mustard

Thu, Jul 20 2017, 10:00 pm

Just so u know you're not alone, this was exactly my child at this age!

I spoke to a social worker for me to get guidance and in a nutshell, was told to be kind of bracing like this is ok, I know u can do this. And model to her what the thought process should be when you hear the complaints.

Like tell her You can't help it if other people say something rude like oh I don't like your bow, that's a little bit rude, but you know everyone likes what they like and if you like your bow, then that's the taste that's good for you and you like it and that's what counts.

and to normalize the pushes and bumps that happen at school. I used to think my kid was bullied, but it wasn't really targeted against her. It was that she had to learn to be a little rough and tumble if u know what I mean. Like kids will sometimes push past you and knock your briefcase, but its OK. of course we don't like it but that's kind of what happens when there are a bunch of kids in a room trying to move around. If she's careful that's special, but it takes other kids time to learn that and its something we just have to put up with even if you don't like it.

Good luck! it gets better!