Camp Mommy and Judgmental People - Vent

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Bisque

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 8:50 am

I'm getting pretty upset about the judgement that comes along with keeping kids home in the summer. This year, we just couldn't afford to send our kids to day camp. BH we're not living in poverty, we just hit some low times and don't have the money for it right now. I had a lot of great ideas planned with small trips, lots of projects, parks and playgrounds, activities in the backyard. Overall, it's been difficult but rewarding as I appreciate getting to spend so much time with my kids before I go back to work full time.

In the back of my mind, I do feel guilty that they aren't in day camp. I wish they got to be in a structured day camp surrounded by other kids. It just wasn't meant to be this summer.

Apparently an ice breaker when you meet people is, "where are they going to day camp?" Every single time I had to tell someone that they're going to be in camp mommy, I get the most pitiful stares or comments, or just an awkward "ohhh". I'm pretty good at reading people's facial/social cues when they talk so I know I'm not imagining it. I feel judged from anyone I tell, even our parents and grandparents. Especially since my kids get services like speech and occupational therapy, I transferred the services to home for the summer so they can continue. The therapists constantly make comments to me and the kids about how they need to be with other kids and how much better it would be.

I'm not usually this sensitive but these comments and looks make me feel more guilty. I know my kids could benefit from day camp but they aren't suffering. We're not locked up in our house secluded from the world. We do fun activities and constantly go out. I feel like every time I have to tell someone, the first thing they think is we can't afford it and our kids are missing out. I can't stand that people are so judgmental.

Thanks for letting me vent. Had to get that off my chest.

Lizzie4

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 8:56 am

I think they're jealous!

Most people don't have the time or patience for their kids like you do.

tichellady

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:00 am

You sound like an awesome mom! I'm sorry people are so judgemental.

keym

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:00 am

Hugs. Thats hard. Judgemental people will judge always. Whats that expression I was a great mother until I had kids of my own.
I can relate the opposite. I send my kids to day camps because I work the whole summer. They do enjoy it but I wish they were able to have more downtime.
I cant tell you how many comments ive gotten from my parents, relatives, and neighbors how sending to camp the whole summer is so unfair to them. "They need to sleep late ride their bike around the neighborhood and watch an ant colony. You (mommy who is alwaysto blame) need to budget more vacation time and stop making work your focus."
Sigh. You can never win. Heres a thought. Ill ship my kids to you for a summer youll do camp mommy. You ship your kids to me ill send them to daycamp. And well both get equally criticized. "What kind of mother sends her kids away"
Very Happy

33055

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:00 am

I did it for years because my kids hated app the time in camp spent waiting for the group. It is how you present it. Be upbeat and positive.

BetsyTacy

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:01 am

You need to remind "them" and yourself of the wonderful benefits of Mommy camp. For many kids the days are too long, the trips might be nice but it often seems most of the trip day is spent on the bus, and waking up and getting out of the house early in the morning is a routine that is bad enough during the school year. Do you really miss the towel laundry where the towels look like they have been run over by muddy cars?

Unless the camp is totally fabulous, a lot of camps have some fairly sad activities. How many times a week is gaga really fun? The little ones come home too tired to enjoy being home and just become too cranky.

Any/all of these reasons is enough that there are plenty of people who don't send to day camp even if they can afford it.

amother

Pink

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:02 am

From a social aspect,day camp would be very beneficial and also, your kids won't feel like they are missing out. However, u can't afford it and u are making the best of the situation. Ur not throwing ur hands up and saying oh well here kids sit in front of the tv all day because ur not in daycamp. Ur bonding with ur children and spending precious quality time. When ur children are older, they will appreciate that time together so much more.

amother

Blush

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:08 am

I have to confess. I'd probably give you a very strange look if you told me that your kids were in "Camp Mommy." Not because there's anything wrong with kids spending the summer at home. But because I find the phrase "Camp Mommy" to be obnoxious and pretentious. Unless you are genuinely structuring their summer in the way that a camp would, you're not running "Camp Mommy." You're being a parent to kids who are home.

ETA -- and there's not a single thing wrong with that.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:15 am

Thanks for the support. I appreciate it.

I actually never said the term Camp Mommy until now. I never even heard of it until I told someone the kids will be home with me in the summer and she said, "Oh, Camp Mommy."

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:18 am

My mother was off from work for most of the summer and us kids never went to day camp for more than 2-3 weeks, both for financial reasons and my parents were big into family bonding. We always had the best time! We didn't call it camp mommy in those days, but we always did things together as a family, both big trips, little trips, and riding bikes/backyard kiddie pool/outdoor activities. There is absolutely no need for a kid who goes to school during the year to go to camp also, not for socialization or other reasons. I think spending time together as a family, if everyone is capable and on board, is AWESOME!! don't let anyone get you down! I literally have the best memories from those summers.

OOTforlife

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:20 am

amother wrote:

Unless you are genuinely structuring their summer in the way that a camp would, you're not running "Camp Mommy." You're being a parent to kids who are home.

I'll say under my screen name that I find this pedantic analysis of what is obviously just a casual expression to be obnoxious and pretentious.

My kids go to daycare and camp. But I don't see anything wrong with kids spending the summer at home, long as they have some stuff to do and are able to get outside a decent amount. You are doing fine, OP. Ignore the looks as best you can.

saw50st8

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:32 am

Blush, some people call it camp mommy so their kids feel like it's a fun structure (and many women I know do some sort of programming for their kids).

OP, enjoy your summer with your kids. I wish I was able to take off in the summer and would definitely keep my kids home. There's this obsession with socializing - I'm sure your kids see other kids in the summer and just by being out and about they interact with others.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:38 am

I know a few families that have some kids home for the summer. Every time they told me their summer plans, my response was "that's so nice!" I genuinely think it's so beneficial for kids to have relaxed, unstructured time with parents for extended periods. They have ten months a year to grow in the skills that come with a peer setting- let them grow emotionally in the summer, which is at least as important! One of my kids is not going to camp in August, mainly for financial reasons. We're both looking forward to our time together!

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:43 am

I used to keep my kids home from camp, and I definitely got a lot of comments and strange looks, but I think a lot of people feel jealous because they can't Handel being home with their kids, so you make them feel inadequate.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:55 am

so maybe just say that you are keeping them home this summer and going on trips ... obviously you don't want to say you are keeping them home because you can't afford camp. Make is sound like you planned this summer to give your kids a chance to do fun things with you. If you just say they are home this summer ... I guess people are wondering what they do all day or maybe they feel bad for you that you have to entertain your kids and figure out some sort or structure for each and every day. I would say something like "this summer we decided to keep the kids home and give them a good time. They've been asking for some trips and we finally have time to enjoy now". You can add with a smile, "Baruch Hashem it's working out!"

boysrus

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 9:57 am

Please dont be upset . What you are doing is great for your kids. BTDT. They will socialize other times, right now they are learning how to be kind to and socialize with their siblings. Smile

You keep doing what you are doing, and just ignore peoples' judgements.

amother

Emerald

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 10:09 am

Like another poster said, you just can't win. People judge me because I'm a SAHM and I send my kids to camp. I admire you. No way could I handle Camp Mommy. That's why I don't do it LOL

MrsDash

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 10:10 am

I think the "pity" you're perceiving is that you are "stuck" with the kids for the summer. We all love our kids, though sometimes money, time, individual child's personality, etc., get in the way of our plans. If you feel that you need to rationalize your decisions, then add, "and I'm loving it! I never get to see them during the year. Everyone is always so busy! I love that I get to spend this time with them before the hustle and bustle of the school year." However, I don't think you have anything to defend. Let people feel bad or judge, there's not much you can do about it. It's out of your control. Be confident in your decisions.

amother

Black

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 10:19 am

Lizzie4 wrote:

I think they're jealous!

Most people don't have the time or patience for their kids like you do.

rmbg

Tue, Jul 25 2017, 10:28 am

Maybe it's in the tone that you're answering. When people have asked me I say they're hanging out with me! With a genuine smile. I don't feel like anyone judged me. Maybe the tone you're using sounds like you feel bad they're not in camp so they respond in kind.

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