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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Would you think it was a little strange/make you feel uncomfortable if your son had a single Rebbie/teacher
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| Yes I would feel uncomfortable and would not be happy with this scenario |
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6% |
[ 7 ] |
| No I would not think it was strange and I would be fine with this scenario |
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83% |
[ 89 ] |
| It would depend on the age that is being taught (please elaborate in the comments below) |
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10% |
[ 11 ] |
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| Total Votes : 107 |
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shabbatiscoming
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 Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:29 am
| gold21 wrote: | I would find it weird if my sons yeshiva hired a single Rebbe. I would not find it weird if my sons yeshiva hired a single English teacher. Nothing to do with pedophelia though.
OK yeah bla bla I'm very biased and a creep because it would be weird to me if my son would have an unmarried Rebbe. K fine. Lol.
To me there's no differentiation between an unmarried vs married woman but there is a differentiation between an unmarried vs married man. Women are just naturally more awesome I guess. Duh! | but why? whats the difference between married and non married rebbe?
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amother
Chartreuse
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 9:04 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | | but why? whats the difference between married and non-married rebbe? |
OP here: This exactly! This is what I was getting hung up on. The person I was having this discussion/argument with is my DH. He has worked as an English teacher for the last several years in a local school and has been trying to move to a morning Rebbe position. He says schools would hire a non-married secular studies teacher (in fact he has worked with single secular studies teachers) but would never hire an unmarried man as a Rebbe. He said all the schools he has interviewed at (and it's been at least 5 or 6 so not an isolated incident) have managed to work the question of his marital status into the interview (not sure how they're willing to take that risk legally, but that's a whole separate discussion). He said he doesn't think the pedophile thing is a conscious thing but it's there in the back of their minds. Which, if you ask me, makes no sense since as others have pointed out unfortunately (maybe because of this phenomenon where schools only hire male rebbes) most of the stories we hear about boys being abused by their teachers the teacher is a married man, often with families and everything. My husband thought I was crazy for not getting the difference and not understanding why schools wouldn't hire singe rebbeim. He felt I couldn't understand it since we only have girls and this isn't really an issue in a girl's school. That's why I decided to ask here. Now I can go back to him and tell him that It's not just me, most mothers wouldn't have any problem with single men teaching their sons. For what it's worth if I did have sons I would be just as vigilant with them with their married Rebbe as I if they had a single Rebbe. Just as I'm vigilant with my girls around both married and single men.
Sorry for the long, rambly post. Thanks for reading.
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Chayalle
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 9:07 am
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Single men are camp counselors, etc...so why the distinction of a Rebbe?
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anon for this
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 10:20 am
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I wouldn't find it strange at all. However, I believe that there's a halacha that a single man shouldn't teach young children, I think because he would be in close contact with their mothers when they drop off and pick up their children. I would guess that this reason wouldn't apply in many schools today, where parents do not usually even see the teacher when they pick up or drop off their children.
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Iymnok
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:19 pm
I thought there were less single rebbeim since they are still in yeshiva.
For secular you have a young man who has finished his teaching degree, hence college not full time yeshiva.
I would love a single teacher since he could put all his energy into his class since he has no family demanding his attention too.
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cnc
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:43 pm
| Iymnok wrote: | I thought there were less single rebbeim since they are still in yeshiva.
For secular you have a young man who has finished his teaching degree, hence college not full time yeshiva.
I would love a single teacher since he could put all his energy into his class since he has no family demanding his attention too. |
That reasoning makes sense.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:45 pm
[quote="Iymnok"]I thought there were less single rebbeim since they are still in yeshiva.
For secular you have a young man who has finished his teaching degree, hence college not full time yeshiva.
I would love a single teacher since he could put all his energy into his class since he has no family demanding his attention too.[/quote]
RE the bolded: If you read the original post you'll see the discussion was specifically regarding somewhat older single men, say into their 30s already, vs. young guys still in yeshiva. I could understand why a school might not want to hire a single 25 year old as a Rebbe. You can argue that he's young, doesn't have enough experience, it will be hard for parents (who may be quite a bit older than him) to take him seriously/listen to his advice, etc. But why not a man in his 30s (or older)? If a man wants to go into chinuch why should he be barred from doing so simply because he isn't married? And that's where we were disagreeing. My husband argued that often the reason a guy isn't married is because there's something off to begin with. I said being single doesn't automatically mean that a guy is "off"/strange. It should be based on merit not marital status. Plenty of strange people manage to get married too, doesn't mean they should be able to be a rebbe simply because they're married!
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amother
Natural
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 1:47 pm
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The one male-on-male perv rebbe I was "zoiche" to be acquainted with personally was married with children when he engaged in 6ual misconduct in the school where he worked.
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dancingqueen
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 2:35 pm
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If anything most of the pedophile cases I have heard of were married men. But older singles are regarded somewhat askance in our world so I'm not shocked people would have a problem with a older single rabbi.
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gold21
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 4:12 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | | Single men are camp counselors, etc...so why the distinction of a Rebbe? |
You tell me- Do you know any single Rebbes?
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gold21
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 7:09 pm
| dancingqueen wrote: | | If anything most of the pedophile cases I have heard of were married men. But older singles are regarded somewhat askance in our world so I'm not shocked people would have a problem with a older single rabbi. |
To me, it has absolutely nothing to do with pedophilia or s*x abuse. If that was the issue, I would have a problem with an older single male teacher- and I don't. My oldest son's English teacher this past year is single, mid-30s. He was very good, passionate about the material he was giving over.
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dancingqueen
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Wed, Jul 26 2017, 7:15 pm
| gold21 wrote: | | To me, it has absolutely nothing to do with pedophilia or s*x abuse. If that was the issue, I would have a problem with an older single male teacher- and I don't. My oldest son's English teacher this past year is single, mid-30s. He was very good, passionate about the material he was giving over. |
Oh ok, so what concerns you?
I know in my area shul rabbis have to be married which makes sense to me.
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Iymnok
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 6:02 am
| dancingqueen wrote: | Oh ok, so what concerns you?
I know in my area shul rabbis have to be married which makes sense to me. |
A Shul rabbi often deals with bedika sand marital issues. So not okay for a single guy.
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dancingqueen
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:15 am
| Iymnok wrote: | | A Shul rabbi often deals with bedika sand marital issues. So not okay for a single guy. |
Yes I said I understood shul rabbi being married, teacher less so.
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DrMom
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:37 am
| mha3484 wrote: | | I am in medium sized community. Between the community phone book and the parent directory the school hands out its not hard to find out if someone is married/single. |
That seems a little stalker-ish. Why would you bother to do this?
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tichellady
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:55 am
| Iymnok wrote: | | A Shul rabbi often deals with bedika sand marital issues. So not okay for a single guy. |
Is it ok for an obgyn or a marriage therapist not to be married?
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Iymnok
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 11:02 am
| tichellady wrote: | | Is it ok for an obgyn or a marriage therapist not to be married? |
It's okay for anyone. I'd feel more if they were.
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mha3484
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 11:14 am
| DrMom wrote: | | That seems a little stalker-ish. Why would you bother to do this? |
I didn't say I would. I said you could if someone really cared that much.
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tichellady
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 11:15 am
| Iymnok wrote: | | It's okay for anyone. I'd feel more if they were. |
So what's the difference between those jobs and a shul rabbi?
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LiLIsraeli
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 11:21 am
I remember hearing from a male acquaintance in his 30's that he couldn't get a job as a Rebbe because the yeshivas want to hire someone settled, who is not going to pick up and leave in the middle of the year (or even after a year of two) when they hopefully get married.
IME they also want someone with parenting experience, but that seems to be less widespread.
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