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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Would you think it was a little strange/make you feel uncomfortable if your son had a single Rebbie/teacher
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| Yes I would feel uncomfortable and would not be happy with this scenario |
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6% |
[ 7 ] |
| No I would not think it was strange and I would be fine with this scenario |
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83% |
[ 89 ] |
| It would depend on the age that is being taught (please elaborate in the comments below) |
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10% |
[ 11 ] |
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| Total Votes : 107 |
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unexpected
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 Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:19 pm
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I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that!
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amother
Periwinkle
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Thu, Jul 27 2017, 11:59 pm
| unexpected wrote: | | I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that! |
Not always the case. My favorite high school principal is a middle aged woman who unfortunately doesn't have any children.
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amother
Linen
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 12:03 am
| unexpected wrote: | | I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that! |
why didn't her mother send her with boots?
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Studious
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 4:58 am
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I just find it sad that the education systems punish people because of their marital status. Firing someone for getting divorced? That's horrible. He's going through hard times and also has to lose his job? Don't know how that is legal. Even more so, don't know how that is ethical or kind.
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FranticFrummie
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 5:04 am
Anyone been on Frumster or Saw You at Sinai lately? The world is FULL of never married men in their 30s, 40s, or even 50s. They are all the same. Career driven, looking for much younger women, want lots of kids, some are Cohenim (good luck with that!)
Some guys are just very, very picky, and think that no woman is good enough for them. It doesn't mean that they are potential zex offenders. They may be socially awkward, but that doesn't always mean anything sinister.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 6:28 am
Some guys get nos time after time and aren't picky at all. A man Iknow hardly ever said no... BH now he's engaged.
OT one can't live one's life expecting abuse...
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yOungM0mmy
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 6:45 am
| unexpected wrote: | | I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that! |
Im sorry, totally not true. You never know why hashem has chosen to test people with infertility. 3 women who I am very close with have no kids but are some of the most nurturing women I know. I am less close to their husbands but they all seem like perfectly good, compassionate men.
The school secretary at my boys school has been married close to 20 years with no kids, and is like the school mother. She will do anything for those boys, is caring and worries about if they need medicine or had enough lunch. Another family friend has been married 17 years, has no children, is the best aunt to her nieces and nephews in a large family and has been a world class preschool teacher for those 17 years. Her sister has been married almost 10 years, was born to be a mother (but unfortunately has no children yet) and works in an organisation for special needs children. Any one of those three women would make an excellent mother and is a truly caring woman, and their lack of children in no way makes them worse at their job or in their care of your child.
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Chayalle
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 9:46 am
| unexpected wrote: | | I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that! |
My daughter had a fabulous first grade teacher who did not have children.
And I've have had teachers with many children, who were missing the sensitivity gene....
It's possible this particular teacher of yours didn't get it....but to generalize like that about all people without children is just beyond....
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amother
Vermilion
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 10:15 am
| unexpected wrote: | | I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that! |
 and my kindergarten teacher, who had many children of her own, used to tape our mouths shut if we talked when we weren't supposed to.
Seriously?
I also know someone (used to be a long-time friend, now more like an acquaintance) who's a family therapist. She's married and has children. That must mean that she's a great family therapist, right? I also happen to know that she has a totally screwy relationship with her family. Is that a good qualification for being a family therapist? Who knows?
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iyar
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 10:42 am
| amother wrote: | | I don't know if that's the reason for the halacha but there definitely is a halacha or gemara or something about this. My son's cheder had a pre-school Rebbe that divorced mid year and was asked not to return the following year. The Rebbe had no complaints as he knew the vaad had a legitimate reason based on his single status. |
This post is so sad. 
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Chayalle
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 10:46 am
| amother wrote: | | I don't know if that's the reason for the halacha but there definitely is a halacha or gemara or something about this. My son's cheder had a pre-school Rebbe that divorced mid year and was asked not to return the following year. The Rebbe had no complaints as he knew the vaad had a legitimate reason based on his single status. |
how do you know he had no complaints?
I don't think this is true everywhere, that a divorce will cause a Rebbe to lose his job.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 12:51 pm
| debsey wrote: | This is going to sound terrible.
No offense to your husband, OP.
My stance with every single person who works with my kids is "Chabdehu V'Chashdehu" - Respect but suspect. Single, married, old, young, I'm very alert about all of them.
For example, when my son was learning with a rebbe for his bar mitzvah, and the rebbe wanted to learn in his home (with his wife and kids there, but still, you never know) I casually figured out a way to make that happen in a shul, at a time that my older son learns there, and made sure to tell my son to kind of casually drift over every so often.
Same with camp counselors etc.
If a single man who is teaching in my kid's school offered to tutor my kid one - on-one, I'd be even more cautious about where the tutoring would take place. Since he's single, his house would be out of the question, and if he offered it, that alone would be a red flag to say "no thanks" because I'd assume that a healthy single man would be aware of the risks of being alone with a kid. Whereas a married male tutor, if he offered his house as the place for the tutoring, I'd assume other people will be home. I'd still say no, but it wouldn't be a red flag automatically.
I dk if I'm expressing the distinction clearly. |
None taken. I feel the same way about anyone who has any interactions with my children. More so with the men who interact with them (since I have only daughters) but also with women who interact with them. When my dd came home from camp and told me her counselor took her on a walk by herself I made sure to ask some very probing questions. Yes female on female abuse is not so common, but still.
I brought up the discussion with my DH again to tell him that it's not just me that thought this policy was ridiculous. He clarified that the whole abuse this is probably subconscious, they would never say that's the reason. He thinks a lot of it has to do with supply and demand. For secular studies it is much harder to find qualified teachers. So I they find someone, even if he's single, they will hire him. For Rebbe positions they have many more people applying and can afford to be selective. Therefore, they choose the person who they think is the ideal candidate, which to them includes being married. Fair or not fair that just seems to be the way it is.
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amother
Natural
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Fri, Jul 28 2017, 5:46 pm
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Magentayenta, I didn't say there was only one, I know there are scores. But most of them I only read about in the paper or online. This one was the rabbi of a shul I attended for a few years, the husband of a friend of a friend of mine, and a teacher in a school my nephews attended. I never guessed there was any problem till the dirt hit the fan years later.
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DRE613
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Sat, Jul 29 2017, 3:07 pm
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It wouldnt be fair to penalise a man who isnt married and stop him from teaching, if thats what hes good at and what he wanted to do. I think any school with a single male teacher should be putting boundaries in place and keeping a check on the situation. Schools should be keeping a check with married male teachers too! (Considering paedophiles are often married!)
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amother
Firebrick
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Sat, Jul 29 2017, 4:21 pm
| unexpected wrote: | | I personally am skeptical of rebbeim and female teachers who don't yet have children. I had a few bad experiences where the teacher/rebbe was just missing the compassion that a parent would have. I.e. My preschool daughter had a wonderful teacher who had been married quite a few years without children. She had a policy that if children take off their socks and were unable to put them back on without help then she would put the socks in the briefcase and send them home with just shoes. This would have been okay, except that she sent my daughter home on a half-hour bus ride after walking in 2 feet of snow without socks! I still feel today that a mother would never have done that! | You would be unintentionally be punishing some wonderful teachers out there.
Why should someone not be a teacher just because they dont have children? That seems beyond unfair.
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