Leaving children alone

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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DREAMING

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 8:22 pm

At what age do you allow your children to play outside alone (no adult supervision)?
Cross/walk to school ?
Stay one alone during the day/night?

Last edited by DREAMING on Wed, Jul 26 2017, 9:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

causemommysaid

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 8:26 pm

12 or 13

DREAMING

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 8:29 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

12 or 13

To play outside as well?

causemommysaid

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 8:30 pm

Maybe 10 if it's a safe neighborhood

Maya

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 9:21 pm

DREAMING wrote:

At what age do you allow your children to play outside alone (no adult supervision)?
Cross/walk to school ?
Stay one alone during the day/night?

I have an 11 year old.
He can play outside with friends or his younger brother without constant adult supervision, but only go as far as the corner house where I can still see them from my window.

School is in another state, but he can walk alone to shul down the block, during the daytime. He can also go around the corner if he comes back after a few minutes.

I leave him alone in the house for up to 1.5 hours during the day, but only short periods of time at night.

I'll admit to being a helicopter parent.

causemommysaid

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 9:49 pm

Maya I'm even worse Very Happy

cinnamon

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 11:36 pm

My girls walk to school (less then ten minutes walk) alone starting at first grade. For the first few months I make sure there is an older girl walking with them but at some point mid year they start going alone.
My eight year old boy started walking alone to school at the end of last year after I walked with him a few times (about a fifteen minute walk with one big street)
My six year old can play alone next to our building and my ten year old and eight year old can both go to the playground alone unsupervised if they go with eachother or with friends.
I live in Israel...

Blessing1

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 11:38 pm

You let your girls walk alone from first grade??? And go alone to the park????? I'm afraid for them! Especially in today's day & age!

amother

Mustard

Wed, Jul 26 2017, 11:59 pm

last year my eldest walked to the bus stop (6.5, for grade 1). It's at the end of the block and across a street with a crossing guard. I felt it was safe for her and she enjoyed the freedom.

she will occasionally stay home for 15 minutes now (at 7.5) while I walk to the daycare to get her sister. this I don't love, but if she's very tired from being at school all day, it's much faster and less fighting. we have a young woman tenant living upstairs (with stairs in our backyard) and a lot of moms with kids around and she knows where to go first in case of problems.

when playing with friends she's allowed up and down the street (mostly the alley, not the front). I supervise less for safety and more for interpersonal stuff, since there are some older kids who aren't always so nice, and some younger kids who can get left out. mostly, I supervise lightly so I prolong my peace and quiet and head off problems before everyone runs home crying.

all of these scenarios have opened up such great opportunities to talk about safety and problem-solving and so on. I feel lucky to live in a neighbourhood where there seems to be a solid middle ground between helicopter parenting and neglect.

DREAMING

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 12:00 am

From around 8 I allow outside alone (no crossing) just on our block and only with other kids.

pnina

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 12:31 am

I think the answer depends on the maturity of the kid as well. Not all children are as responsible at the same age. Also your confidence in them would matter a lot as well, if they feel your trust.

salt

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 1:13 am

DREAMING wrote:

At what age do you allow your children to play outside alone (no adult supervision)?
Cross/walk to school ?
Stay one alone during the day/night?

Play outside - about 7 - we have a playground just outside.
Cross small streets - about 9. Not busy main roads though. That would be more like 11.
Stay home alone during the day for a few hrs up to a full work day - ~11.
Stay alone at night - have never done that or had to do that. I wouldn't leave my kids for the night unless my 18 yr old was home (!)

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:04 am

Years ago (so I cant post the reference) I read that majority of dangers cv from strangers to kids outside happens to a kid alone. The minute they are with another kid the chances of them being victim reduce drastically. Obviously im not addressing other issues here like rd safety etc. But still today I prefer my 12 and 14 year old to go in the street with someone else...even if its my 8 yr old.
As for staying home alone I ask myself if there was cv a fire can my "babysitter" responsibly get all the kids out the house? One doesnt know how anyone would react in such a situation but theoretically ex if she has to carry a baby and toddler forget it.
Hope that helps

amother

Papaya

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 4:40 am

7 or 8. But we're in Israel. I've heard it's different in the US and I'd never let them out of site if we were there.

Iymnok

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 5:06 am

DD came home from school saying that in their safety class they learned that they could cross the street themselves at age 9.

It really makes a difference if you live in a large city or a smaller town. A busy street or a quiet side street air cul-de-sac. What country, state or region. You should be familiar with the traffic flow on yours and nearby streets. How are your relationships with your neighbors and what are the dynamics? If one mother is outside will she actually keep an eye out for the other kids?

Of course the answer is different for everyone. In my community it is normal for second graders to take the bus to school in Jerusalem.
9yo go to the makolet themselves. Many start younger. It is accepted for kids to go to school on their own starting first grade, though generally not for the first couple weeks if they don't have older siblings.

juggling

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 9:38 am

Blessing1 wrote:

You let your girls walk alone from first grade??? And go alone to the park????? I'm afraid for them! Especially in today's day & age!

She's in Israel. That is absolutely the norm here.

amother

Ecru

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 9:49 am

I don't live in Israel or NY. I let my 6 year old go till both ends of my block alone. At 7 I allow crossing small streets and walking to school a few blocks away.
By 9 my kids roam the neighborhood on their bikes. Not crossing any big streets.
By 12 they can start exploring the city.

5S5Sr7z3

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:15 am

From a young age. I live in a very safe neighborhood on a dead end, where neighbors watch out for each others kids. My kids have an insane independent streak to them, and I'm not going to stifle them. There are also always packs of kids hanging out together on my street.

They can't walk to school whether they like it or not. The main roads aren't safe to walk on, and my girls school is miles away.

dancingqueen

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:17 am

Why do parents in Israel feel so much safer letting 6 year olds play outside and even walk to school alone? That would be negligent where I'm from.

Chayalle

Thu, Jul 27 2017, 10:26 am

dancingqueen wrote:

Why do parents in Israel feel so much safer letting 6 year olds play outside and even walk to school alone? That would be negligent where I'm from.

They have false illusions of safety.

My parents were once visiting Israel. They were in the vicinity of Tachana Merkazit (Central Bus Station) and they saw a young girl, maybe about 8 years old, sobbing hysterically. Apparently she had lost her cartis (bus card) and could not get home to Neve Yaakov (a totally different area). My parents felt bad and they took her home in a cab.

It's ridiculous that such young children are left to get around on their own.

About going to school, alot depends on the neighborhood you live in. I live about a 10 minute walk to DD's school, but it would involve several pretty dangerous crossings. It's out of the question to send her alone (she's 9).

But she can play outside within vicinity of my front window, or go to the neighbor's house by herself. There's one pretty quiet street that I allow her to cross, but not the other which is a major thoroughfare. Truth is I'm nervous about any crossing but I know it's not good for her to be helicoptered too much.....

This may sound strange but I'm a bit more confident with her, as she's my tallest (relatively) child. My older girls were very short at her age, and I was scared to let them cross, as cars would not be able to see them well.

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