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Forum -> Health & Wellness -> Healthy Lifestyle/ Weight Loss/ Exercise
Is it my weight or my confidence?
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Thu, Jul 27 2017, 2:09 pm
Over the past year, I have gained a substantial amount of weight. I have started noticing that people are less likely to socialize with me... I don't think I'm imagining it. I'm trying to figure out if it is due to being overweight or maybe it's my lowered confidence due to the weight gain? I feel like people subconsciously treat overweight people differently, what do you think?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Thu, Jul 27 2017, 2:48 pm
It can be both. I am less confident when I gain weight. But I do notice that when I'm thinner (a significant amount not a negligible five/ten lbs) people are nicer. Confused
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Thu, Jul 27 2017, 5:13 pm
amother wrote:
It can be both. I am less confident when I gain weight. But I do notice that when I'm thinner (a significant amount not a negligible five/ten lbs) people are nicer. Confused


If people are only nice to you when you are thin, I suggest you hang around with different "people" who don't judge you by your body weight.

Personally I don't feel less confident when I'm bigger because I like being curvy. But I wouldn't want to be friends with people who like me more slimmer.
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chanatron1000




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 11:45 am
The bias is real.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 11:58 am
I would say it's projection. I think that if you feel good and confident it passes onto the other people. Kmayim Ponim El Ponim. Easier said than done! Smile
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:02 pm
People are nicer when I'm significantly smaller. If I gain or lose 10 lbs I don't notice it.
I don't mean my friends, I mean people in offices, stores, etc
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:05 pm
It can be a lot of things. Some people are subconsciously (or even consciously) biased.

Some people are more attracted to confident and outgoing people.

Some people are only comfortable around those who look and act exactly like them.

My suggestion is to work on your confidence, and attract people who appreciate you for who you are. Just because you may be wrapped in a few extra layers, doesn't mean that your core identity has changed. You are still a wonderful, worthwhile person.

Anyone who can't see that is the problem - not you.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:08 pm
lamplighter wrote:
People are nicer when I'm significantly smaller. If I gain or lose 10 lbs I don't notice it.
I don't mean my friends, I mean people in offices, stores, etc
Then, I'll agree with you that the bias is there, however, I think it also depends on how put together you look and feel
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amother
Carnation


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:09 pm
chanatron1000 wrote:
The bias is real.


Yes. It is very very real.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:10 pm
chanatron1000 wrote:
The bias is real.


Chas vshalom!
Don’t say that!
My best friend is obese!
I love fat people, they are so much fun to be around
There’s so much more to love.
I don’t see size, I only see the inside. That’s all that counts.

To shadchan:” it’s not me, it’s just my son that doesn’t want a girl bigger than a size ....I wouldn’t have a problem with it”
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amother
Cyclamen


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:10 pm
amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:
Over the past year, I have gained a substantial amount of weight. I have started noticing that people are less likely to socialize with me... I don't think I'm imagining it. I'm trying to figure out if it is due to being overweight or maybe it's my lowered confidence due to the weight gain? I feel like people subconsciously treat overweight people differently, what do you think?


I was very thin as a teenager and very shy and socially awkward.

Now I’m overweight (9 kids later) but my social skills have improved. I’m still an introvert but because I was thin during my formative years I don’t attribute people’s acceptance or rejection of me to my weight.

Whenever it think how good it would be if I just lost some weight, I think back to my teenage years. I was thin then but not any happier than I am now.

(I still try to eat well for the sake of my health but I don’t think so much about my weight.)
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chanatron1000




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:11 pm
The bias spreads to things like "how put together you look." Many people believe themselves to be completely unbiased, but if shown a picture of the same person in the same place, wearing the same thing, with the same posture, etc, but at two different weights, they will say that the thinner one is more put together, smarter, more confident, better at gardening, and so on.
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amother
Carnation


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:13 pm
ShishKabob wrote:
I would say it's projection. I think that if you feel good and confident it passes onto the other people. Kmayim Ponim El Ponim. Easier said than done! Smile


Have you personally been in that situation? Because you wouldn't see it if you weren't.

We can't all be making it up.
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amother
Carnation


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:14 pm
amother [ Cyclamen ] wrote:
I was very thin as a teenager and very shy and socially awkward.

Now I’m overweight (9 kids later) but my social skills have improved. I’m still an introvert but because I was thin during my formative years I don’t attribute people’s acceptance or rejection of me to my weight.

Whenever it think how good it would be if I just lost some weight, I think back to my teenage years. I was thin then but not any happier than I am now.

(I still try to eat well for the sake of my health but I don’t think so much about my weight.)


So by you there is more than one factor involved.
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amother
Carnation


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:15 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
Chas vshalom!
Don’t say that!
My best friend is obese!
I love fat people, they are so much fun to be around
There’s so much more to love.
I don’t see size, I only see the inside. That’s all that counts.

To shadchan:” it’s not me, it’s just my son that doesn’t want a girl bigger than a size ....I wouldn’t have a problem with it”


Wanna be my friend lol?

ETA: It's not real friends that's the issue. It's more acquaintances etc.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:15 pm
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
Have you personally been in that situation? Because you wouldn't see it if you weren't.

We can't all be making it up.
I do agree that there's a bias against heavier people. However, I think that if someone was thin all the time and they become heavier and then they notice people acting differently towards them, THAT, I think is projection. If its the same people they had interactions with before.
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amother
Cyclamen


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:19 pm
Do you think it’s different for people who were overweight in childhood, so have a long history of being self conscious/teased for their weight, versus people who gained weight more recently?
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honeymoon




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 12:19 pm
chanatron1000 wrote:
The bias spreads to things like "how put together you look." Many people believe themselves to be completely unbiased, but if shown a picture of the same person in the same place, wearing the same thing, with the same posture, etc, but at two different weights, they will say that the thinner one is more put together, smarter, more confident, better at gardening, and so on.


I agree. When I look at before and after pics of a person who lost weight, in my mind, they look smarter when thinner. Horrible, I know. And I'm generally a very accepting person. Society's perceptions of norms tend to seep into our minds whether we like it or not.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 1:54 pm
I get more attention when I lose weight and get really skinny.
Everyone wants to know how I did it
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Mon, Nov 08 2021, 1:57 pm
honeymoon wrote:
I agree. When I look at before and after pics of a person who lost weight, in my mind, they look smarter when thinner. Horrible, I know. And I'm generally a very accepting person. Society's perceptions of norms tend to seep into our minds whether we like it or not.


My question is, why?
How does “lack of self control” connect to iq?
If the person would be smarter then they would know to eat less?
How did our collective brain wire itself like this?
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