Cleaning lady etiquette

amother

Silver

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 12:16 am

So this is my first time having a cleaning lady full time. She comes to me from 8:30 -4:30 M-F. I always give her lunch of course, at first I offered her a tuna sandwich or cheese sandwich and she tells me she hates tuna. She likes rice and chicken. So now everyday I make sure to have rice and some sort of chicken or leftover dinner for her.
One morning she came and said she didn't have time for breakfast, can she have something. I said yes of course, but ever since she is sitting down for 20 minutes and eating breakfast every single morning. Not only that she asked me to buy her lactaid, because the regular milk hurts her stomach!
Also I went to make a sandwiches for my kids and thought I had sliced bread and jelly but then I realized she ate all he bread (4 slices) and most of the jar of jelly....
Coffee, fruit and snacks were always offered and now I'm feeling like she is taking advantage of me and feeling resentful.
I'm afraid to say something because she watches my 3 month old and does a good job.
Should I just let it go since she is a good cleaner and babysitter?

jewish613

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 12:53 am

I think that if you're happy with her work and you can afford it, you should try to let it go. Maybe you can work out a system with her to make sure you know when food is running low (maybe she can add to the shopping list or let you know if she uses something that's almost finished etc.), so you're not unexpectedly out of food you thought you had. It sounds like you were ok with providing chicken and rice for lunch and the only extra supplies she needs is cereal, lactaid milk, bread and spread. Perhaps you can make sure to have extra of those foods in case she's hungry. 2 sandwiches for a working adult seems reasonable.

I think if you're otherwise happy with her, I think it's worth providing the food and allowing her extra time to eat. Happy workers do better work, so I think it will be in your family's best interest.

33055

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 6:27 am

jewish613 wrote:

In terms of time, effort, and money the cleaning lady is OP's boss several hours a day. This is not a good situation. I wouldn't let it go. OP already resents it.

OP has to make sure the cleaning lady has a specific hot meal of chicken and rice daily! This is ridiculous. That means she has to cook extra to cater to the cleaning lady's tastes. A hot fleisch meal 5 days a week is burdensome when she is not feeding her own family that. Now the cleaning lady is adding a 20 minute breakfast. Soon she will want an omelet when she arrives. She has OP buying special milk for her.

OP your cleaning lady is taking advantage of you with your own help. Who comes to work and gets a 20 minute breakfast daily?

OP, are you a sham or a part time worker?

Is this lady Spanish?

Is there a language barrier?

Unless you stop this now, your resentment is going to build, and she will find other ways to push. It is not a question of if you can afford it, it is a question of the relationship and respect. This is not a beloved aunt coming to your house to watch your child for free. The lady is there to free up your time.

Tell her starting tomorrow there is no more breakfast. You need her help. Give her more chores like cleaning the fridge or the glass to keep her busy right away. Give her a coffee snd mezones which she can eat while working when she first arrives.

I would also limit which food she can take. I would designate a fruit bowl. She can sit down for a coffee break midmorning if you like. If you have a hot lunch left over, you will gladly give it, but if you don't have it, then she must accept an alternative.

This woman knows what she is doing. She is increasing her paycheck. You need to learn to manage and set boundaries.

amother

Pearl

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 7:31 am

I never had an experience even close to that and I am always employing cleaning woman. Id be nervous leaving my child with her and I'm always leaving my kids with my cleaning woman...idk. If u must keep her get a nannycam. How can u be so sure she's good with your baby. There has got to be more to her personality than your seeing. Demanding food etc?! Just off! I've had sleep ins, all days,jewish,non jewish...great ones...lazy ones...NEVER even close to what you're mentioning. Good luck

imasinger

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 7:57 am

I think you need to figure out what makes you comfortable, and talk to her.

First, figure out what you want to discuss.

Among the options:

- You keep providing her with hot or cold meals of her choice 2x a day, and giving her 20 minutes twice a day to eat them.

- You provide her with menu options that don't stress your time/pocketbook too much, and let her choose.

- You buy a small used microwave for her use and let her bring her own chicken and rice to warm up.

- You tell her she needs to bring her own meals, but you will give her break time to eat them.

- You record the expenses of her food, keep track of her breaks, and subtract one or both both from her paycheck.

Once you are clear in your own mind, go to her and say, "I love the work you are doing, but I need to clear up a misunderstanding. When I hired you and we agreed on salary, it didn't include the time or expense of 2 meals a day. I can't keep playing restaurant; the cost in time and money of the breakfast and lunch you have been eating is getting too much for me. Here are 2 choices, which do you like better, or do you have any other ideas?"

The tone is about a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up, not any finger pointing.

And work it out.

watergirl

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 8:20 am

This woman is working your house from 830 to 430 every day. That is a REALLY long time to work non stop. Even if its more passive, like folding laundry. Still work. Cleaning is really hard work, and so is watching a baby. You really have to be giving her paid breaks during the day. I dont know ANYONE who can do that kind of hard labor with out stopping. And yes, breaks need to be on the clock. That's human decency. If you don't, believe me, she will be taking these brakes anyway.

As far as giving her food goes, I don't have any words to say on that. I've just recently started having some cleaning help for two hours a week, and also take from me as a cup with water in the morning. But my mother had a cleaning lady who came twice a month for a few hours and she absolutely left food out for her. Not chicken and rice, and not special milk. Ask around locally and see what is the norm in your area.

Raisin

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 8:22 am

Ruchel wrote:

In some countries it seems some job have this protektzia that they need to be babied: teachers, cleaning ladies, night nurses... suddenly you have to give them a gift, pay them more than what was agreed, feed them. This isn't happening. I yet have to see anyone dare to pull this in my world, but again, I see that in some cities (countries?) it is like this. I "beshitta" hate this. I'd rather pay more, upfront, or have some other arrangement.

Lots of big companies eg google offer free food to their employees as a perk. But, yes, its not a given for most workers.

Honestly I would definitely resent having to give a hot meal to my help. But if I had full time help maybe I would have more time...

jewish613

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 9:35 am

Squishy wrote:

It sounds like it may be part of the "chicken and rice" culture. It's certainly not OP's responsibility to provide full meals based on what's typical in the industry. If she's resentful, it's too expensive, too time consuming, or she needs the worker's help at that time, she should work out another arrangement. (I like imasingers approach!) My personal approach would still be to try to provide the meals with a smile if I could.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 10:09 am

When I had a nanny/housekeeper for the hours that she was in my house I told her she is welcome to eat whatever she is giving my kids.
For example if she heated up supper and gave them I made sure there was enough for an extra portion for her. I preferred it this way than her bringing her own food and eating non kosher etc etc (it happened before that my dishes were used for treif by the nanny).

That said it goes both ways. If she is sitting down for 20 minutes every day eating breakfast instead of doing work that is not right. The fact that she is lactose intolerant, it is not your problem to get lactaid for her.

Let her know this. Tell her I am leaving for you xyz. Anything else bring yourself (in a nice way of course).

amother

Beige

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 10:14 am

Nope nope nope. She's taking advantage and she knows it. My housekeeper works 7:30-3:30 and whatever she wants to eat comes from her own home! I don't mind her sitting down to eat when she's hungry (obviously) but paying for her food or preparing it?!? Not my problem. I also have no problem with her sitting down to relax for a few minutes when the baby is sleeping. I'm not a slave driver, and I appreciate her hard work. I'm really laid back actually, and I can be that way because I know she's dedicated. But if I felt that she was taking advantage, she would be replaced.

tichellady

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 11:21 am

heidi wrote:

I get to work at 8. I either eat before I get there or eat while I work.
Lunch I either order in or bring with me.
I'm trying to figure out why it should be different for your housekeeper/babysitter.
If you were all sitting down to a big meal, sure, offer her some.
If not, she should brown bag like the rest of us working ladies, or request a 30 minute set break to go get something.

Home based jobs include food, at least where I live or they include the ability for the help to make their own food ( microwave, kitchen etc). If you keep kosher, that part usually doesn't work. A possible solution is to have a microwave just for your help and allow her to bring her own meal from
Home that she can heat.
I actually think that providing lactaid milk is not crazy, most jobs provide milk and coffee, that's pretty standard for someone on her feet all day.

ra_mom

Mon, Jul 31 2017, 2:41 pm

I think the hot meal is over the top.
I always offer a choice of lunch like pizza in the toaster, turkey on rye, yogurt... something that's workable for me to offer. Along with a pastry, fruit, drink. They're usually happy with that though sometimes they decline. If I'm around and making food then of course I make for her too.
Someone who is fussy or has special dietary requirements usually brings their own food.
That said I wouldn't have a problem buying lactaid milk if more than 2 tablepsoons per week for her coffee were being used and the rest didn't end up spoiling and being thrown out only for a new one to have to be bought again. I think it would make more sense for her to bring some along in a thermos. Or offer soy milk.