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Forum -> Household Management -> Cleaning & Laundry
How to get DH to make his bed?
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 11:44 am
amother wrote:
Fair enough. I can relate to the sense of inner organization that happens when the beds are made. I get it when you say it's not optional.

I would be willing to come to your home to do the bed each morning, cuz you are too busy going to work and dh for some reason isn't able to maintain his commitment to doing it.

Question for you: when he doesn't make his bed, do you feel unloved? or that your needs don't matter? if the latter, then we are entering a whole nother territory.

It reminds me of a time my dh wanted something badly from me and I simply could not provide it. I love him deeply and dearly, but it's just too much of a stretch for me to do that one thing.


thank you for clarifying this for me. yes, when he doesn't do it it makes me feel like my needs are not important. he's not so good about cleaning up after himself and in most areas I've made peace with it. early morning when I'm doing it all I just want to see it done, BY HIM. I know if it's so easy I can do it myself but I don't want to. he told me it's no big deal for him so why can't he do it? I don't want to nudge but when I see his unmade bed I get frustrated, every day again.
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rachel0615




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 2:58 pm
Does ur dh make u feel important and heard in other ways? If he foes, let this one go and do it urself. If u don't feel heard and valued in general, then u can use this situation as a springboard for a bigger conversation. I remember a marriage counselor once told us if something is important yo one of you, it needs to become important to both of you. For example flowers are important to me but pointless to my husband. He buys them for me bc they gave become important to him through me. (Of course there are other things in our home that are important to me like putting laundry in the hamper that dh is still working on processing as important to him.:-))

On a related note my parents bh been married for 25 years . every time my dad takes out the laundry he "forgets" to put in a new laundry bag and every time my mom yells at him about it. They love each other and value eachother. Its this one thing that can't stick for him! Lol

So my advice is figure out if this is a small or big issue and go from there.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 3:02 pm
amother wrote:
I've asked nicely and not-so-nicely. I've complained and explained. I've done everything I could think of besides for offer a reward. how can I get my mature, clean DH to make his own bed? I do my own and my kids beds should I just give in and do his too?


I would not harass over this. It's not worth the friction. You can either make it yourself or leave it messy. Decide which of these options is least annoying to you.
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 3:57 pm
I had no clue he should! But I get there can be things that make you feel unimportant. Focus on the things he does do for you. Try to imagine he asked u to do something difficult for u and felt u didn't care if u didn't do it. Sounds like he's a nice guy but habits are hard. Personally my husband gets annoyed if I do too much for him like make elaborate dishes or go too much out of my way etc. He feels couple should respect and love and not stress trying to prove it. We have come to learn what's difficult for each and don't expect it of each other. We show love and respect in real ways. By caring about what someone else says and being supportive. I could never get how 'thing's make it break that...I may like flowers but not receiving them indicates to me he is busy or forgot. Just as I would.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 5:05 pm
OP,

How old are your kids? Why don't you have them make their beds?

In my house, everyone makes their own beds starting from a young age. I don't agree with the philosophy that because DH doesn't want to do it, you should cater to him for peace. There are a lot of things in life people don't want to do, but it is their responsibility.

The only time DH and I don't make our beds is when the other is still asleep in it. I would keep reminding him when he forgets. You are not his maid.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 6:14 pm
amother wrote:
I've asked nicely and not-so-nicely. I've complained and explained. I've done everything I could think of besides for offer a reward. how can I get my mature, clean DH to make his own bed? I do my own and my kids beds should I just give in and do his too?

It would be nice if he would help you out and make his bed , but realistically he probably doesn't feel like its his job , does he help you with the kids or other chores in the house.
You are anyway cleaning the room so whats the big deal to make his bed too. I think there are more importand things to focus on then him making his bed in the morning , My husband of 30 years never made his bed and I never asked him too , how long does it take to make a bed 1 minute its not worth fighting about it, keep your anergy on more importand things that you could use his help.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Wed, Aug 02 2017, 9:17 pm
I agree with the other posters that said it's really not worth making a big deal out of. Plenty of times DH doesn't make his bed, so I take the extra 30 seconds and make it for him. It's something easy I can do for him, and why not? I'm sure your DH has other great qualities. Don't ruin a happy marriage for something so trivial.
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jewish613




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 03 2017, 12:00 am
amother wrote:
thank you for clarifying this for me. yes, when he doesn't do it it makes me feel like my needs are not important. he's not so good about cleaning up after himself and in most areas I've made peace with it. early morning when I'm doing it all I just want to see it done, BY HIM. I know if it's so easy I can do it myself but I don't want to. he told me it's no big deal for him so why can't he do it? I don't want to nudge but when I see his unmade bed I get frustrated, every day again.


Did you explain this to him?
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Aug 03 2017, 12:15 am
I smack him with my cane. LOL
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Thu, Aug 03 2017, 12:49 am
At one time I used to pay my kids to make my bed. I like the bed to be made but hate making it myself, not because I'm a slob but because I just hate this job. So I paid the kids. Win-win. They had their regular jobs that they didn't get paid for. This was extra above and beyond.
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