Do I let my son play with dolls?

greenhelm

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 2:19 pm

Iymnok wrote:

Ds3 puts on the shtreimel my mother made him and pushes a doll in the toy stroller. He says he's the Tatti. He sometimes tells his sister to be the mommy, she's 20 mo. She walks next to him as he pushes the stroller around the house.
I made cloth diapers for the dolls with Velcro closures, he likes to change the diaper.
This is a responsible Tatti!

Sounds like a sweet, nuturing little boy!

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 2:42 pm

I dont understand the problem. please explain.

my ds asked for a doll, so he can play tati...I really dont understand what the issue is????????

sorry, thais CANT be cultural, as dh is russian, I am german and we live in yet another country and NONE of our relatives/friends ever mentioned that our son playing with his babydoll is a problem.

MyUsername

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 2:48 pm

Dolls are actually great toys for both boys and girls - this is because it allows them to role play and do role reversal of real situations in their lives - they get to be the parent and the doll gets to be the child (or they can be the teacher and doll is student). All children, male and female, benefit immensely from this kind of play, as it allows them to sort out real life situations and feelings, as well as feel a sense of control during play while being the adult/parent/teacher that they don't have in day to day life. It's a great outlet. Furthermore, the imagination that comes along with realistic imaginary play of this type helps build creativity and EQ (emotional intelligence), which are valuable skills for both boys and girls. Additionally, playing with dolls builds nurturing skills, which down the line can really enhance being a good father and husband (not that you can't be without it, but sometimes boys aren't allowed to be as nurturing or emotional as girls in play and in life, and this can set up mistaken expectations for later in life). I also think the fact that your children are playing so nicely together and finding common ground, positive interactions, and shared play is incredibly important for sibling bonds and reducing sibling rivalry, as well as providing a strong foundation for getting along with peers in other areas of life. Lastly, encouraging your children to explore interests, hobbies, and play that engage them is healthy and encourages self-esteem, self-expression, and healthy individuality - boys and girls both deserve that, and I would no more say no to a boy playing with dolls than I would to a girl playing with trains.

As far as tznius goes, this isn't any different than a little girl playing with a Ken doll or a boy baby/child doll - there is nothing anatomic to see, so I don't feel there is an issue. I know there are others who may disagree, but this is how it's viewed where I come from.

Lastly, you may want to think how a conversation would go if you did tell your son it was a girly toy - how would you answer when he asked why it's a girl toy? Or how would you answer if he said he likes it anyway? Or if he doesn't understand? And is the message that boys and girls can't do the same things one that you want your son to internalize? And would you want your daughters to internalize that message as well when they hear it?

Most importantly, sit down and talk it out with your husband - see what's really bothering him about it. Is it because that was the rule when he was little and so he's uncomfortable with doing things differently? Is it because of a potential tznius issue? Is it because he feels the need to have more shared interests with your son? Does he think that it's developmentally inappropriate? I think figuring out what your husband's underlying discomfort is is the first step, and then the two of you can sit down and discuss the pros and cons of letting your young son play with a doll.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 4:23 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I feel like I just stepped back into 1852. Op, let your son play with the doll. I honestly think that not letting him play with a doll because "it's for girls" will be emotionally damaging for him.

Actually in 1852 boys had dolls and wore dresses until they got their first pair of pants.

purple 1

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 4:36 pm

Let him! What's wrong with a little boy playing with a doll? And on that note what's wrong with a girl playing with cars or trains?

finprof

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 5:43 pm

He is 6, let him play!

mommy3b2c

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 5:53 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

Actually in 1852 boys had dolls and wore dresses until they got their first pair of pants.

I believe that was more like in 1773.

imasinger

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 5:55 pm

When one of my boys was 6, he would play with his sister's old Barbies. They were the bad guys in his imaginative games. I would find them tied up in jump ropes, hanging from the bannister, or other severe fates.

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 6:16 pm

How are dolls so different from Lego people or Playmobil?

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 6:24 pm

Well, I only have boys and my DSs ages six and eleven play with American Girl dolls at my inlaws home. They get very creative dressing and undressing pairing clothes, shoes and accessories.
My boys until age three preferred dolls over cars or legislation etc. and pranced around in my high heels, wearing pocket books, and pushing dolls in a doll carriage . It brought out the loving and nurturing side of them. What could be wrong with that?
On the other hand, my father never cared for dolls and was/is very unloving or nurturing AND he is openly gay... just some food for thought

MagentaYenta

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 6:47 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I believe that was more like in 1773.

Actually if you travel a bit and visit local town museums throughout the west you would find a very high incidence of boys and dolls as well as boys in dresses. This was quite typical during the western expansion. The Mormon Museums of UT have some fine examples as do many of the western Mennonite museums. Pioneer diaries also confirm these practices. In rural America dresses were a fact of life for boys until they were sufficiently potty trained, to get in and out of trousers. These were simple flour sack shifts used by both genders. Only upper class people could afford to dress their children as miniature adults.

Immigrant populations also adopted the use of shifts for boys as a matter of practicality. Documentation of this is relatively easy to find in some of the historic photograph collections now available online. (The WPA collections document this practice as late as the American Depression.)

Amarante

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 8:41 pm

greenhelm wrote:

Sounds like a sweet, nuturing little boy!

And he must also have a great Tati since he is modeling his behavior in that way.

amother

Brown

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 8:51 pm

This thread is reminding me how when I was a little girl, I would run around dressed in princess dresses while brandishing a lightsaber Very Happy

miami85

Tue, Aug 01 2017, 10:30 pm

I think that he will outgrow it soon enough. That said, my boys (5 &6.5)--who love cars, trucks, planes, construction play "house" with their lego mentchies and my daughter (2.5) who loves her babies and pocket-books is now playing with the trains and cars and putting them "shluffy". Dramatic play is part of childhood. Even in the movie Toy Story Andy played with his toys--Buzz and Woody are DOLLS. A few generations ago boys played with "GI Joe" and other figurines. And my brothers are quite masculine.