Morning - Getting out to work - Mom of 2 babies

May

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 3:17 am

I know two mothers of large families who survived that way. Very functional homes - think between 8-13 children, all whom were bathed, hair brushed and put to bed in thier clean clothing for the next day. Sure sounds very functional to me! Both are families of Roshei Yeshiva/Roshei Kollel where the wives worked out of the home and their husbands left the house very early in morning, so they had to manage the morning routine themselves.

Last edited by May on Thu, Aug 03 2017, 3:26 am; edited 1 time in total

May

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 3:24 am

MagentaYenta wrote:

Can't you hire someone?

Oh please. How spoiled of a generation have we become?? Baring unusual circumstances, most mothers are capable of getting themselves and two babies out in the morning without hiring help. BTDT many times over. With a bit of planning ahead and some tips from friends she will be fine.

May

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 3:34 am

amother wrote:

That's a separate issue.
My husband really wants to help me, but he only helps me when I tell him exactly what to do and how to do it.
Telling him to complete a task means preaching for half an hour...bla bla (which is not pleasant for him nor for me.)
So I'd rather do it myself Confused

This is a game changer. If he is home and available you are in very good shape! Have a discussion with him before hand, not during the morning rush. Discuss how you'd like mornings to go smoother and you'd like it if there was one or two aspects of the morning rush that he could help with. It should be the same task every day so he doesn't need constant preaching or instructions. Maybe he can be the one to feed breakfast while you dress yourself and/or nurse the baby, etc. In advance, discuss what the kids like to eat, what bowls/ cutlery you'd like them to use, etc. so there isn't much need for on the spot instructions. Or, maybe he can be the one to dress the kids. If you prepare the clothing the night before, down to the underware, shoes, etc, and leave it in the same spot every day, he should find it relatively brainless to simply dress them in their pre-picked clothing, etc.

I know it often seems easier to just do everything yourself instead of taking the time out to teach and explain, but at the end of the day you are doing everyone a big favor if you get your husband used to being an active participant, considering that he is home and available anyway.

jewish613

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 8:57 am

amother wrote:

OMG I wish I would be able to come close to this. After supper I fall apart and can't do anything.

Depending on your schedule, kids' ages, etc., you may be able to do some of the preparation in the afternoon/early evening. For example, emptying the bags and repacking the non-perishables shortly after you get home. You can pack lunches before/during/after dinner while you're in the kitchen anyway. You can pick out clothing for the next day around bedtime. If you are able to build some of these things into your daily routine, you won't feel like you're left with a ton to do after your kids are sleeping. You can possibly get your kids involved in an age-appropriate way (how old are they)?

For lunches and snacks, I try to prepare food for a few days at a time all in one shot, when possible. For example, If I send a dry snack in a ziplock bag, I'll prepare all the bags for the week at once so I don't need to do it every day. If I'm packing a container of cooked food, I'll pack 2-3 at a time to use for a few days of lunches. I would also try to send as much stuff as I could in bulk to store at the babysitter, if she's ok with it (diapers, wipes, formula, cereal, snacks, change of clothes, etc.). That way you don't need to pack them every day.

I definitely think it can be worthwhile to train your husband in a few specific tasks that can be his responsibility every day.

keym

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 10:16 am

Hanging lists work wonders for me especially to let husband know exactly what I want.
Ex. Estis bag: pink bag on hook, 5 diapers, pkg wipes, banana, 1 cream cheese sandwich cut in half, bag of pretzel, 2 bottles filled 6 oz with milk.
Then you tell him take care of estis bag the instructions are written clearly.

Many sandwices like cream cheese, peanut butter, cheese, cold cuts can be prepared, sliced and put in freezer on Sunday. Grab one in morning it will be defrosted and soft by lunch.
Dont worry about variety for your kids. Basic is less stressful. Sandwich, banana, yogurt is well balanced and nutritious and not stressful.

I try to buy all my kids clothing mix and match. Basic tees and black and denim shorts or pants. It makes choosing less stressful.

Set out clothing night before. Pack bags, leave by door. Lunch boxes or coolers with food in fridge ready to graband go.
Use disposable for breakfast so you dont have to choose between washing or coming home to dirty dishes.

Until 9 months easily there is nothing disfunctional with keeping kids in basic stretchies. Bathe and change them at night. In the morning just change diapers.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 10:42 am

keym wrote:

Until 9 months easily there is nothing disfunctional with keeping kids in basic stretchies. Bathe and change them at night. In the morning just change diapers.

My kids wore stretchies exclusively until I couldn't get any to fit them. About a year old. Real clothes only for the annual portrait. Diaper and onesie in summer except when diaper only was ok. As a full time working mom of twins I had to make things as simple as possible. The neighbors don't like the way my kids are dressed, they're welcome to come dress them --and do the associated laundry too.

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 10:44 am

May wrote:

I'm freaking out just imagining being basically a lone parent to an extremely large family. I'd require a live-in or a daily maid at best.

May

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 10:56 am

Ruchel wrote:

I'm freaking out just imagining being basically a lone parent to an extremely large family. I'd require a live-in or a daily maid at best.

It's definitely not for everyone, it's a life choice that these families made, and IMO they handeled them beautifully. (Past tense, both families are all grown up by now).
I just wanted to point out that was nothing dysfunctional about their homes, even though the children were dressed in clean clothing at night, instead of in pajamas, to save time in the mornings.
And to point out that there isn't always money for paid help, even if the husband is not home much.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 11:25 am

May wrote:

.

I just wanted to point out that was nothing dysfunctional about their homes, even though the children were dressed in clean clothing at night, instead of in pajamas, to save time in the mornings.
.

I didn't do this all the time but we did when we were all taking an early flight to visit the grandparents. We'd be leaving the house around 5.30 am and every minute saved was a minute longer the kids could sleep and a hassle eliminated.

Other parents might choose to bring their kinder to the airport in pjs and change their clothes--or not--there or on the plane. TBH that never occurred to me, and looking back that might have made more sense. People bring their tiny tots to simchas in pjs and I'm all for it. They're tiny tots and they embody cuteness regardless of how they're dressed. Why hassle yourself and them?

Bottom line you have to think outside the box and prioritize convenience and efficiency.

dancingqueen

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 11:49 am

salt wrote:

Don't understand why. What's so holy about pijamas?
As long as you're clean in the morning. I can see it saving 15 mins at least! Some people on this site are so overdramatic!

The reason for pajamas is that a lot of kids get sweaty, clothes get wrinkled, and if they're young diapers can leak or they can drool at night etc.

That said I think sending babies in their stretchies is totally fine, but once they are walking, they kind of need regular clothes and hair brushed.

BrachaC

Thu, Aug 03 2017, 12:33 pm

I know that it is a lot of detail oriented activities that if they don't all go exactly right the whole morning feels like it implodes. If your husband is around- and he won't be changing his schedule for the foreseen future it is worthwhile to try and articulate your needs. I have had scenarios like this in the past, and have taken some time to really articulate step by step what needs to happen. Make a list of all the tasks, and then figure out if you can make a formula at all. If you can then you would be able to pass that formula on to your husband. Now when the kids are babies and it is somewhat manageable to do it all yourself it is a choice, but you are setting yourself up for a lot of work and inability to delegate as your kids and family iyH grow.

sfynyc

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:26 am

amother wrote:

It sounds like you need to let go a little bit and allow him to figure out how to do it in a way that works for him. It's about it getting done, not about it getting done your way.