Do you REALLY want a website that only reflects YOUR views?

kjb

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 3:51 pm

This is a spin off of the locked 'jewish women talk' FB group thread, but I couldn't fit that into the title. Want I want to ask is this: Even if some Jewish sites are totally wrong for you and you don't participate in them, how much do you really and truthfully think you'd enjoy a forum that only reflected PRECISELY your own point of view and level of observance? And who is to decide the boundaries of that?

I admire any website owner or moderator that is able to maintain a functioning, religiously diverse site for Jewish women. It must be a nightmare. Yael, who I truly admire, does a fantastic job with Imamother. Even though the requirement is that everybody on this site is an observant married jewish woman, the range of opinions and hashkafa is vast and often results in verbal violence. She brilliantly steers a middle course and the whole business must be close to a full time job. She even lets 'naughty' threads roll for a while (to the amusement or interest or education of almost all and if you don't think so why did you read them?) before closing them down, as she has to if she's going to maintain an inclusively frum tone to the whole thing in the long term. And although it must be massively tricky, she maintains the intimacy forum despite it often tipping over the edge and causing outrage to more 'right wing' members. Why? Because for many newly weds or women in unsuccessful marriages it's a really important source of information and chisuk that might not be available in such a safe and non judgemental environment elsewhere. So she puts up with the daily complications of keeping it open even when the wording of threads sometimes has to be un-tzniusly 'frank'

Most of all, how often does she actually throw people off for starting these threads, or exclude members for being too left or too right wing? Let's take Marina as an example - I'll bet you know who SHE is. She's actually been thrown off ima multiple times for various 'outrages' and always let back in. Why? Because she adds to the range AND the amusement of this forum; she is a very good and very warm and very honest woman. Even if Yael doesn't actually know Marina in real life I can bet that - given that they've now had dealings with each other for years - she in some real sense genuinely loves her as a fellow jew (as indeed we are all commanded to). And what would this site be without Marina and her interesting provocations? Even if you utterly disagree with her, I'll bet she's drawn you in to a fascinating and passionate discussion before now.

To the 'shut them out' brigade: If you really want a jewish website that reflects exactly your religious views and lifestyle, you could found one and see how you get on with moderating it (have fun!) But, unless you actually enjoy kicking people out, you'll probably be mighty bored with the content.

For me, it's the wide scope of opinions and experiences and hashkafas that makes this site so lively and informative and useful: it helps me to understand and empathise with my Jewish sisters however much they differ from me in their frumkeit.

marina

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 4:49 pm

Quote:

Most of all, how often does she actually throw people off for starting these threads, or exclude members for being too left or too right wing? Let's take Marina as an example - I'll bet you know who SHE is. She's actually been thrown off ima multiple times for various 'outrages' and always let back in. Why? Because she adds to the range AND the amusement of this forum; she is a very good and very warm and very honest woman. Even if Yael doesn't actually know Marina in real life I can bet that - given that they've now had dealings with each other for years - she in some real sense genuinely loves her as a fellow jew (as indeed we are all commanded to). And what would this site be without Marina and her interesting provocations? Even if you utterly disagree with her, I'll bet she's drawn you in to a fascinating and passionate discussion before now.

Awww, this was so nice to read! Thanks1

Yael and I have grown in our relationship, LOL

mostly in that I've learned what not to write and how to phrase things. So I guess I've grown in our relationship LOL

MagentaYenta

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 4:58 pm

marina wrote:

Quote:

Awww, this was so nice to read! Thanks1

Yael and I have grown in our relationship, LOL

mostly in that I've learned what not to write and how to phrase things. So I guess I've grown in our relationship LOL

Did Yael give you any warnings you were going to get banned? I've had 1 or 2 to the best of my recollection and they have been learning experiences.

amother

Bronze

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 5:09 pm

Op, you didn't answer your question. You just said that yael does a great job. I agree. Now to answer your question: I don't think a site or group run by frum jews should be allowed to voice opinions that are directly against the torah. For example a question and answer like this shouldn't be permitted: hi, I'm a bais yackov girl that has had enough of hashem and the torah. I'm really thinking about not fasting this Yom Kippur. Can anyone suggest ideas how to do this in a guilt free way?
Answer: don't worry girl. The first time probably won't feel right but it'll get easier as you get used to it.
So in short, we can debate hashkafa, societal norms, pros and cons of yeshiva and learning, ect. I don't think a site or group run by a frum person should provide a forum for ideas that are indisputably against the torah.

out-of-towner

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 5:48 pm

amother wrote:

This.

tichellady

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 6:12 pm

amother wrote:

I disagree but I understand why you feel differently. There are pros and cons to each perspective but in general I prefer openness to censoring thoughts and feelings

amother

Bronze

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 6:25 pm

tichellady wrote:

I disagree but I understand why you feel differently. There are pros and cons to each perspective but in general I prefer openness to censoring thoughts and feelings

Fair enough. But let's put the debate in the proper perspective. The op of this thread seems to think that there is a question as to whether or not people would want to participate in forums with others who have a different hashkafa. That clearly is not the debate. I think we all agree that we can argue about the issues of tuition, woman not allowed to drive, parents supporting adult children, regardless of which side of the argument you're on. The debate is whether or not a frum person should provide a forum for people to advocate things that are indisputably against halacha.

tichellady

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 6:27 pm

amother wrote:

I agree. Well-said. That debate was discussed in the thread about the Facebook group and I imagine the op was thinking about that when she wrote this post but you are right that it's not the same question

MagentaYenta

Mon, Aug 07 2017, 6:29 pm

amother wrote:

This is a point well made. I'd like your post, but unfortunately I don't vote up anon posts.