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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Uh oh. Should I do anything?



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amother
Ginger


 

Post Mon, Aug 07 2017, 2:33 pm
My 3 year old daughter was touching herself today and then she licked her fingers! As she did it, she said to me something like "I also have something in my tushy that I can lick".

I said "oh no we don't do that"- still with a smile (or nervous chuckle, because I thought she was so cute!) but she must have felt that I was a bit surprised and I think she looked worried by my reaction. I told her that there are germs that we shouldn't put in our mouth and it's better that we wash our hands. Later I explained to her that the same way we don't eat what's in our ears, or eyes, we also don't eat from that part of our body.

Is there more for me to do about this right now? Aside for my worrying about what she was doing, I also feel that my reaction was not good for my daughter.

Is there anything for me to do?
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yOungM0mmy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 07 2017, 3:06 pm
I don't think you did anything wrong, you didn't react with disgust or shouting not to touch, and it's true about germs - pinworms go round younger kids at an alarming speed and are one of my biggest nightmares...
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amother
Black


 

Post Mon, Aug 07 2017, 3:31 pm
I think you handled it very well. We can't always control our immediate reaction to things like this, but the explanation you gave her later was spot on. True, age appropriate, and adequately explained why not to do this in the future. It wasn't shaming or demeaning, it just gave her a valid reason she could understand why not to this anymore.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 07 2017, 3:50 pm
Good job.

The only thing that made me giggle was this:

amother wrote:
that the same way we don't eat what's in our ears, or eyes


because you didn't mention the one they all do -- their noses!
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Mon, Aug 07 2017, 8:51 pm
I don't see it funny actually.. Why would a the yr old say she has something in her tushy to lick? I hope nobody in her class is being abused and then talking that way in school.. It raised a red flag when I read it... The germs were the least of my concern.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 12:32 am
amother wrote:
I don't see it funny actually.. Why would a the yr old say she has something in her tushy to lick? I hope nobody in her class is being abused and then talking that way in school.. It raised a red flag when I read it... The germs were the least of my concern.


I know- of course it worries me but is this really completely crazy or maybe part of discovering her body? I am saying it was funny just because she was so innocently explaining to me what she was doing. Really my initial reaction was - what the ____??!!!
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 12:34 am
imasinger wrote:
Good job.

The only thing that made me giggle was this:

because you didn't mention the one they all do -- their noses!


Haha you are right. I think I didn't mention for the very reason that kids do it and think it's ok and so I wanted to give examples of things that are more odd!!

Thank you and to the others for making me feel a bit better. I feel bad because her face dropped when I told her not to do it and I immediately started questioning myself. It's so tough to always know the best way to respond!
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amother
Gold


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 5:23 am
amother wrote:
My 3 year old daughter was touching herself today and then she licked her fingers! As she did it, she said to me something like "I also have something in my tushy that I can lick".

I said "oh no we don't do that"- still with a smile (or nervous chuckle, because I thought she was so cute!) but she must have felt that I was a bit surprised and I think she looked worried by my reaction. I told her that there are germs that we shouldn't put in our mouth and it's better that we wash our hands. Later I explained to her that the same way we don't eat what's in our ears, or eyes, we also don't eat from that part of our body.

Is there more for me to do about this right now? Aside for my worrying about what she was doing, I also feel that my reaction was not good for my daughter.

Is there anything for me to do?


I agree with the other posters.
One question- what did she mean by *also*?
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amother
Olive


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 5:51 am
I once had a situation where my DD was on a playdate and her friend - 5 yr old! - asked her to lick her tushie. I totally freaked out and never let her go there but the professional I consulted said it was not the end of the world, age appropriate exploration, yet that aspect of it was not natural - she heard it from elsewhere . 5 yr olds don't figure out to lick that
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 6:53 am
amother wrote:
I know- of course it worries me but is this really completely crazy or maybe part of discovering her body? I am saying it was funny just because she was so innocently explaining to me what she was doing. Really my initial reaction was - what the ____??!!!


I don't know what to say..I mean nothing in regular kids activity would involve that behavior and not like it normal for them to see such a thing. Therefore it strikes me as odd. I wouldn't engage it in conversation with her but if it comes up again I'd ask where she heard it from (gently)
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 6:57 am
OP, you did a fantastic job. I couldn't have done better if I'd been given advance notice. To come up with that on the spot is awesome!
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 12:46 pm
amother wrote:
Haha you are right. I think I didn't mention for the very reason that kids do it and think it's ok and so I wanted to give examples of things that are more odd!!

Thank you and to the others for making me feel a bit better. I feel bad because her face dropped when I told her not to do it and I immediately started questioning myself. It's so tough to always know the best way to respond!


It's true - it's difficult to know how to react and respond to a child's unusual behavior.
I can relate to you. Most of us Mommies are constantly second guessing our decisions.

But, why were you upset that her face dropped when you told her not to do it?
Would you have rather that she had touched herself again in front of you and licked her fingers and giggled away? and perhaps again?

I know - we don't want to hurt our kids. They are so very precious.
But, imho, I think it's better that she reacted this way. Your message penetrated.

And you answered her PERFECT Smile
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 12:59 pm
amother wrote:
I don't see it funny actually.. Why would a the yr old say she has something in her tushy to lick? I hope nobody in her class is being abused and then talking that way in school.. It raised a red flag when I read it... The germs were the least of my concern.


I agree with this poster. It is something to be concerned about.

Many young kids touch their private parts, but to touch and then lick and say, "she has s/thing there to lick," that isn't the norm in kids.

Take notice if if it happens again. It might not - she might have got put off completely by your clever reaction response. If it does happen again then I feel you should seriously check it out.

Perhaps she overheard or s/one somewhere spoke to her and her friends about licking from that area, or even worse - s/one demonstrated it on him/herself.

There are unfortunately many dirty people out there, and predators. Hashem Yerachem.

Be on the alert.


Loads of hatzlocha.

Sending you hugs.
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 1:05 pm
amother wrote:
I agree with the other posters.
One question- what did she mean by *also*?


Oh, wow!!! "Gold," you are so clever and perceptive.

You're right, her using "also" - raises a very red flag, to me.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 1:49 pm
For all those asking about the also- I am not even 100% sure that she said that word but she does use it a lot and just sticks it in randomly. I will definitely pay close attention to see if this behavior presents itself again.

You ladies are all so kind and helpful. Such a blessing to have this support!
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Tue, Aug 08 2017, 2:47 pm
amother wrote:
For all those asking about the also- I am not even 100% sure that she said that word but she does use it a lot and just sticks it in randomly. I will definitely pay close attention to see if this behavior presents itself again.

You ladies are all so kind and helpful. Such a blessing to have this support!


Your daughter sounds like such a cutie pie. A lot of nachas from her. Smile
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