Needbadvive about Social skills for 8 year old

Laughing Bag!

Thu, Aug 10 2017, 5:08 pm

My 8year old dd is very outgoing and friendly, she lots of friends in school she knows kids from grades older as well as younger than herself.she would also play with neighbors younger and older. She likes to be a leader, she lives to play school and be the teacher. She's always running out to play, going to neighbors... Yesterday she was upset about some kids in her class that were bothering her and she started crying that no one likes her, no one's her real friend. At first I thought it's just because she was upset about what happened then but then I realized it's not exactly a one time thing she's taking about.
She is very friendly and loves to play with others. Her complaint was no one ever comes looking to play with her! No one comes knocking on my door asking her to come out or if they can come. She calls them over they sometimes cones but often find excuses to keep her at one if their houses. Even her classmates the ones she's really good with never call to ask if they can come it's always her initiating and usually me trying to figure out how she can get there since she's my oldest.
How can I help her with some skills to make her friends/neighbors want to come here.

Lizzie4

Thu, Aug 10 2017, 5:22 pm

A wise teacher from seminary gave me good advice about this.
She said: Make your house fun, you want to know what your kids are up to/ observe your child with other children in the framework of your home. Then be that family on the block with the exciting pool/ trampoline/ fun mommy who bakes/ does projects with the kids. Invest in a collection of great story tapes/ book/ exciting toys/ american girl doll + accessories/ dollhouse... age appropriate things that will be exciting for other kids to play with. It's worth it to be that hands on parent .

Separate point: Be careful that your not unwittingly pushing people away. You may want to entertain the possibility that you / your child have a _____ (fill in the blank : social skills issue, boundary issue, dysfunctional- super messy, yelling issue... ) and ask someone objectively if this is a constant issue - that parents don't allow their children to come over etc
Also , depending on your community, If the parents don't let their children watch movies, have access to internet, eat hechshers not commonly eaten etc thats something else to watch out for.
Are you friendly with other mothers? Could it be people don't know you well enough to feel comfortable sending their kids over..

All points to ponder.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Aug 10 2017, 8:32 pm

I've been in the same boat with my oldest. I had to get professional help. Speaking to the teachers in the school, in detail, helped me realize what kind of help my child needed. Try talking to someone else who knows your kid well. If it's just an issue of making your house fun as above poster said it will be easy to solve. Or it might mean working a little extra with you daughter on social skills. Good luck, it's hard to watch as a mother

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Aug 10 2017, 9:06 pm

Lizzie4 wrote:

These are great ideas that likely will help young child maintain friendships. What are your thoughts for when the child is a little older, around teenage years? Unfortunately usually social skills are hard to meaningfully improve on and the ideas your suggesting that will probably work when a kid is 7 or 8, probably won't work when a kid is 14 or 15. At that age kids tend to gravitate towards other cool kids and the nerds/not fun/poor social skills kids are left friendless.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Aug 10 2017, 9:21 pm

The issue might not be with your daughter at all. There are many different types of parents out there.

Some parents consider 8yo kids to still be "babies", and are not allowed to go out to other kids' houses. All play dates have to happen in their home, under supervision. Basically, the kids suffer from helicopter parents. Some parents are too scared to let an 8yo walk to the end of the block by themselves!

I know one family that does not allow any play dates, EVER. "School is for socializing, and afterwards is family time. Kids see enough of each other during the day, they don't need to play after hours." Even if the siblings are killing each other, they are not allowed to leave the house after school.

Some parents have very strict schedules about homework, dinner, bath, bedtime, and don't allow any deviations from the pattern.

Some parents pack every spare minute with sports, music, dance, and all kinds of after school lessions. These kids don't get any time at all for free play.

Some parents don't want the hassle of driving back and forth to someone else's house, so they don't let their kids go anywhere that is not easy walking distance.

I have a very social, outgoing, popular child, and I've met every one of these types of parents, and it's more often than not. I'm the parent who lets my child walk all the way around the block, play in the mud, and be creative.

I've actually had helicopter parents threaten to call CPS on me, because DD was not "in my line of sight at all times." These people had 3 boys who were terrified of setting one foot off of their front lawn, and their dad would yell and threaten them if it even looked like they were going to have any sort of fun.

Parents like that not only make their own kids miserable, they make our kids feel unwanted and unpopular. Sad