Overweight child steals food

malky800

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 9:47 pm

I have an overweight teenage daughter with pre diabietes and high cholesterol.
The doctor put her on a strict low carb diet.
She drives herself (and myself) crazy to cook special foods for school lunch. I make her different side dishes for supper.
We've been trying this for 6 weeks with very little results. The doctor said it's slow in working, give it time.
Now I caught her eating a bag of cookies at 11 pm . Never mind one, she took alot.

So I asked her how long has this been going on. She said the whole time
She cries. I can't help myself. Blah blah blah. It's not fair ...etc
I am not asking to deal with the taking stuff. I'll deal with the psychologist.
I'm not going to be easy. While at home every thing is under lock and key. But outside the house I have no control and can't force her.

I'm looking for advice from someone who had to deal with a kid like this.
I feel like , let's just stop this whole diet. I'm making myself meshugah and for what. She binges when I don't look.
My husband says, at least during the day she's eating less, even if she eats a few extra cookies and I should stick it out during the day until we can figure out how to get this to clear up.
Any advice?

malky800

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:01 pm

She is very heavy. Alot is in the genes. And alot is in the addiction. She is still too immature and isn't really going along with the psychologist or doesn't want to.
Her sister in law, her father's sister to whom she is a copy is the same heavy. She suffered from many problems , and I'm petrified I'm going straight into that path.
My daughter is scared to but not enough to control herself when I am not there

groovy1224

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:03 pm

malky800 wrote:

I don't really have any advice as to the diet per say, but the attitude coming across in your post is very critical and I just hope you don't transmit that to your daughter. Blah blah blah? That's what you think of your 16 year old?

Before you can make any progress she needs to feel she will be loved and accepted by her mother at any size. She doesn't need extra shame.

amother

Natural

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:07 pm

Can I ask why things have to be under lock and key in the house? I would think the whole house would be full of "healthy" foods and options. Some of us have larger appetites and all of us need carbs. Rice, potatoes, fruit etc will probably help her cravings. Wholesome foods are filling. Fake foods (fat free, sugar free, low fat...) only make us hungrier and fatter.

Rachel Shira

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:11 pm

I just want to agree with the poster above who said that if she doesn't feel the urge to take care of her own health on her own, nothing will happen. I wasn't overweight as a teenager but definitely had food binging and sneaking tendencies and would never have responded well to a doctor or a parent putting me on a diet. It would have been one cheat after another with too much emotional energy from everyone.
Now as an adult, I can take responsibility and eat healthily without sabotaging myself. I dont really recognize this person I am now but it feels good.
Maybe she can take a nutrition class or work with a nutritionist to get her own knowledge and empower herself to make small changes toward better health.
Force will backfire. As will her havingto eat differently than the rest of your family. Maybe try removing all these tempting foods from your house, cooking the same low-carb meals for everyone, etc. Of course, you still won't be able to control what she eats outside your house.

causemommysaid

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:13 pm

amother wrote:

Diabetics need to be low sugar and low carb.

amother

Natural

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:21 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

Diabetics need to be low sugar and low carb.

She is prediabetic... and if she eats wholesome foods and not the "low fat. Low sugar" she will most likely kick it. I grew up with family who had diabetes. I'm telling you pasta and sugar free cakes were far worse than a baked potato...

crust

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:25 pm

Many hugs to you. You are a really wonderfull mother! Cut yourself some slack.

Its a hard situation. Its hard because she has to own the problem and she also has to want to help herself. Meanwhile, it doesnt seem like she does.
From personal experience, having been in similar situations all I can tell you is; do your hishtadlos only till you feel you are maxed out. When I get to the point of feeling burnt out, I usually realise that hey! I've stepped into the territory of Hashem. Only HE can take care from here on. I cannot physically make a child's teeth chew or esophagus swallow a certain food medicine or a yucky drink prior to a test. I must step back and leave things up to Hashem.

We as parents want to help our children be the healthiest possible. Unfortunately though, we are limited. We can watch our own child doing things that are detrimental to thier emotional health, physical health or social life and all we can do is
1. provide a safe accepting empowering environment where the child can choose to grow.
2. pray that they make good choices.

Other than that I had to learn to let go.
Hatzlocho in finding the right refuah for her.

das

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:33 pm

I dont think a child eating food in her own home is "stealing food."

You are in a very difficult situation. But as others said, ultimately the only one who can take charge of her eating is her. I dont think the food in your house should be under lock and key-it sounds like a crazy way for a teen to grow up. I urge you to consult with an expert on food addiction on how to proceed.

amother

Brunette

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 10:58 pm

Another thing:

There is more to feeling satisfied after eating than just the amount of food consumed.

You know how when you eat on the run, or graze all day, even if you've eaten enough calories you don't feel satisfied? You don't feel like you've really eaten properly?

The same thing can happen when mealtimes are too stressful and someone is watching every bite you eat. I know this from first hand experience.

Mealtimes in my house were so stressful (family discord PLUS an eagle-eye on every bite we ate) that even though I ate enough (possibly more than enough) at meals, I never felt satisfied. I would sneak bagels into my room and eat them in peace at night in my bed, without any drama, and only them would I feel satisfied.

I urge you to take a massive step back in all the controlling you're doing.

amother

Copper

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 11:03 pm

I understand that as a mother it hard for you to see this. But your child needs your loving support more than anything.
As an overweight child/teenager, my mom always sent me to nutritionists and different weight loss program - I grew up with a tremendous aversion to the scale. The more I was restricted the more I got food elsewhere. I was very creative how to get food without her knowing. Shopping with her was disastrous. I would come home feeling like two cents. Her disapproving looks (while she didn't always say something) chipped away at my self esteem.
I know that she wanted the best for me but it was the wrong approach. So please change your attitude and work together.

yogabird

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 11:08 pm

OP your child is likely picking up on your anxiety (panic?)that she will turn out like her aunt and that is definitely not helping the situation. She's probably also already picked up that you think she is a "copy" of that aunt who you apparently don't like much. I have a feeling that if you'd work on accepting and loving your daughter for who she is the way she is, and managing your own anxiety about this whole situation, things would look different.

amother

Papaya

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 11:31 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I think the OP is just tired. I think the blah blah blah was just used instead of an "etc". I had (am slowly getting over) an eating disorder so I'm sympathetic towards the daughter, but I understand how hard and tiring this must be for the mom also. The OP specifically said that the girl is making both of them crazy to make special food for her so I can totally understand the OP being upset that the daughter has been eating cookies and such, kind of undoing her hard work and being deceptive to everyone, doctor included.

to the OP: my advice follows what everyone else here is saying. don't restrict so much. she's old enough to make her own choices when it comes to this. Locking up food and being so strict will only backfire. Continue helping her make her healthy food. Talk with her. be open and there for her. don't tempt, don't leave things she can't have out in the open. Try to limit the amount you have in the house to begin with. Continue to talk with nutritionist/doctor about how to help her best. But most importantly- talk to her about how to help her and give her some space. Make it so super clear you're there for her whenever she feels the need to talk. Make sure she's educated on the nutritional aspects of this. Just don't nag.

I'm sure it must be SOOO hard to stand on the side knowing what she SHOULD be doing but not being able to MAKE her do it. and especially hard to see her sabotaging her progress towards a healthier lifestyle.

anonymrs

Sat, Aug 19 2017, 11:34 pm

I second what yogabird said.

Also.

Please read the book Stop the Thyroid Madness. It sounds like she is having a problem with thyroid/adrenals that is not treated. Even if you already had her thyroid tested, it's worth looking into as most primary docs and even many endocrinologists do not treat thyroid effectively. Feel free to pm for more info. I know a bit about this topic.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:05 am

I'm sure everyone here will be furious at my response but here goes. Perhaps she doesn't even grasp the dangers involved in being diabetic. I have a friend whose sister lost her life in her low 20's due to diabetes and know orhers who have lost limbs etc...maybe a factual discussion about the dangers, by her doc will help....
Hatzlacha to you both

Blue jay

Sun, Aug 20 2017, 12:13 am

how about changing the mindset:

Like "Ok dd, we need to fix our eating habits here at home so you and the whole family can be healthier! I think you are beautiful and special and I know it can be very hard to eat healthy and give up some of the treats we all love. So lets challenge ourselves and try to find fun foods and things we can do together to help us all become healthy. We can look up some healthier dessert recipes and fun dishes..."

I recommend looking into "Hungry Girl" Lisa Lillians recipes. She is going all natural now and avoiding fake sugars and such. Also, making ur own version of indulgent comfort food like pizza and such. But most important, sitting down together as a family and enjoying the eating experience together along with dessert will make ur dd feel normal and comforted.