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Forum -> Household Management
Chores for 11 yr old girls
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LO




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 10:47 am
Hi all,

I am trying to create a chore chart for my twins, almost 11 yrs old. I would love some ideas on what your kids this age are doing, and also how you structure the system - do the kids take turns doing a specific chore, or do they choose what they like best from the available options and do it long term?

Any other suggestions and experience in doing this would be greatly appreciated as well! I am having a baby soon IY"H so would love to get this in place sooner rather than later....

Thanks in advance!
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 11:00 am
By 11, the kids in my house can do their own laundry, wash dishes, babysit the younger kids, cook (depending on the kid) Sunday breakfast, clear and clean tables, set tables, sweep up leaves from the front of the house, plus maintain their own bedrooms and belongings. I used to have one dd clean a small bathroom once a week at 8 (she liked it), but she no longer does that. Our 6 year old sweeps up the kitchen and dining room and organizes the baby's play room once a week. My 11 year old also likes to make challah so recently I have her making her own 5lbs with me. Not a chore per se, but it saves me a ton of time getting 10lbs of challah dough out of every attempt nowadays.
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LO




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 11:01 am
Wow, that is amazing! Do you have a chart for them? how do you divide the responsibilities?
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LO




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 12:27 pm
bump Smile
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Gneshe




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 12:29 pm
Wow, Nicole81
That's a lot of work!
When do they get to be kids?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:10 pm
Why the gender specificity? There's no chore an 11year old girl can do that a boy the same age can't.
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LO




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:12 pm
I am not discriminating between girls and boys....I just happen to have girls.....Can we get back to the question, please? Smile
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:15 pm
Nicole81, that's way way to much For kids to be doing, they're just kids.
LO, have them do simple things like making beds, picking up toys, packing away the playroom, drying dishes, unpacking the grocery order, keeping the little kids occupied for an hour, packing away things where they belong... you don't want to overwhelm them with to much/difficult chores.


Last edited by Blessing1 on Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:26 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Natural


 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:19 pm
I have my 11 year old bake. I check the eggs, but he cracks them. My 9 year old and 5 year old wipe down/clean counter tops. They don't like to sweep, so I give that job to my 11 year old.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:20 pm
Um Nicole81 said her kids can do those things she didnt say they do all of them at the same time.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:22 pm
amother wrote:
I have my 11 year old bake. I check the eggs, but he cracks them. My 9 year old and 5 year old wipe down/clean counter tops. They don't like to sweep, so I give that job to my 11 year old.


Someone hugged my above post. Is that because I give too much or too little jobs? Because my 11 year old sweeps because my 9 year old doesn't want to do it? Explain yourself!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 1:31 pm
Gneshe wrote:
Wow, Nicole81
That's a lot of work!
When do they get to be kids?


The chores described are not onerous, and well within their abilities. And, because Mom isn't tied up doing those chores, she has more time to do fun stuff with said kids.

Being a kid can't be all about being waited on hand and foot. Part of being a kid is learning how to become an adult , and that means being given responsibilities and living up to them. It also means acquiring domestic skills in addition to scholastic ones.

In my years on ima I have seldom read a thread complaining about dh or dc who selfishly do all the housework and leave amother with nothing to do. I have, however, read many threads by ima-drudges complaining about dc or dh who don't lift a finger around the house. bringing up children as Nicole81 does, with regular age-appropriate chores that are accepted as a normal feature of life (even if they gripe about them), does them a favor two ways:
1. Endowing them with domestic skills while they still live at home, so that they don't have to learn them the hard way on their own; and 2. Contributing to their SB by creating individuals who are used to shouldering housework and to whom being responsible for their rightful share is neither a foreign nor an offensive notion.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 2:53 pm
zaq wrote:
Why the gender specificity? There's no chore an 11year old girl can do that a boy the same age can't.


Supervise 6-year-old sister's hairwashing in the bath? Otherwise I agree.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 3:05 pm
Since we are not being gender specific, this is what my 11 yr old DS is able and willing to do.
Dry and put away dishes
Vacuum under beds and behind couches etc
Dust furniture
Clean windows, porch door and mirrors
Transfers dry clothes out of dryer into laundry basket and puts clean clothes into dryer, with explicit instructions
Takes hampers to the laundry room and sorts laundry into piles on the floor
Cleans bathroom ( but is not as thorough as I'd like it to be)
Loves to wash floors
Does not like doing basic yard work
Likes to feed and take care of our chickens
Makes his own bed for Shabbos ( during the week he doesn't bother and I don't enforce it)
I do not expect him to be responsible over younger siblings even though I was at his age.
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 5:10 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
Nicole81, that's way way to much For kids to be doing, they're just kids.


I disagree. And I think kids today are way too coddled. If kids want something, they should learn to put in a bit of effort. It does wonders for their character, self esteem, and relationships they IYH should have in the future.

My stepson was 11 when he started telling us last minute that he didn't have clean pants for school. After a couple of times of having my evening disrupted by putting up last minute laundry loads, I decided that if he could take on the responsibility of monitoring and fulfilling his own laundry needs. He's nearly 13 and does all of his laundry himself. He came back from camp this week and did ask me if there was a special cycle for doing his blanket, but aside from the occasional question, he's self-sufficient. I'm sure his future wife will love the fact that he does laundry!

A couple of years ago, my older kids started complaining about breakfasts and lunches on Sunday. They also love walking through the kitchen saying "I'm hungry..." and complaining about "nothing to eat.'" Well, I'm not a chef-on-demand and waitress. We asked them what they liked and taught them how to make simple dishes. More often than not, the now 12 year olds (boy and girl) make their lunches in addition to breakfasts on Sunday. And we've raised great kids, so they always ask if they can make for us, too. Again, I'm sure my stepson's future wife will love the fact that he cooks! And the kids feel empowered that they can make their own meals.

Along the same lines, my kids started requesting certain dishes for shabbat. Guess what? I get home at candlelighting and they're home early, so I taught them how to do it. My stepson roasts zucchini and makes farfel. My oldest dd makes desserts. My girls wanted shepard's pie last week, so the deal was they had to peel 16 potatoes. My kids love my homemade challah, so my 11yo decided recently to make a batch with me every time to ensure we never run out.

My daughters especially like having sleepovers, and it's hard enough caring for 5 kids. So my rule is if you want a sleepover, you need to take care of breakfast for yourself and your guest.

The only "chore" per se that is actually monitored is the washing up of dishes by the 11 year old. It's her once-weekly contribution since that child is generally less naturally helpful than the others. We ask the 6 year old to sweep usually twice a week, and she loves being able to help out.

Regarding clearing the table, everyone is responsible for clearing their own dinner plates, scraping them, and stacking or loading them into the dishwasher. If they dirty the table, like the 6 year old often does, they know to grab a rag and windex right after the meal. It took a lot of reminders, but now they usually just do it.If the table needs to be cleaned before dinner, it's usually as simple as saying "hey you and you, do you mind windexing the table while I'm finishing up dinner here?" My poor kids Rolling Eyes

Friday evening we try to encourage all the kids to go to shul. The rule is whomever stays home from shul has to clean and set the table, but if they all go to shul, then they all have to pitch in together.

We don't use a chart, and the rewards are self-sufficiency, having their needs met, and calmer, more available parents.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 5:25 pm
I'm sorry Nicole81, it's the mothers responsibility to make sure her kids have clean cloths every day. If ur son tells you that he doesn't have clean pants for tomorrow it means that you where not on top of the kids laundry. Again, 11 is just a kid, they don't have to keep track if they'll have clean cloths the next day. They don't have to "remind" you to do laundry.
About his future wife loving fact that he does his own laundry, I don't think she'll "love" it when she finds out that he's doing his own laundry since he's 11, it's just sad.
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 5:40 pm
Blessing1 wrote:
I'm sorry Nicole81, it's the mothers responsibility to make sure her kids have clean cloths every day. If ur son tells you that he doesn't have clean pants for tomorrow it means that you where not on top of the kids laundry. Again, 11 is just a kid, they don't have to keep track if they'll have clean cloths the next day. They don't have to "remind" you to do laundry.
About his future wife loving fact that he does his own laundry, I don't think she'll "love" it when she finds out that he's doing his own laundry since he's 11, it's just sad.


I was doing my own laundry since I was 10. It certainly isn't sad. It's called being self-sufficient in an age-appropriate manner.

I believe it is my responsibility to provide clothing for my kids, but depending on their age, definitely not my responsibility to check their hampers daily to wash, fold, and put away said clothing.

We obviously have different opinions on what a mother's responsibilities are, and that's fine. I prefer my opinion. If you have any girls, let's just make sure they don't marry my stepson, because he doesn't need anyone feeling sorry for him. And if you have boys, let's make sure they don't marry my girls, because I don't want my children marrying spouses who are used to having everything handed to them. Lord knows I know enough from imamother as to how that turns out.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 5:47 pm
I am with Nicole on this. I grew up making my own lunch from 3rd grade on. When my parents offered to make it was a threat not a privilege. It was make your lunch or I will make you whatever I thought was gross. I learned how to clean a toilet my first summer of overnight camp so the age of 11? I started doing my laundry in 10th grade. I think all of these things have made me a better person and I intend to teach my currently six year old son and my other boys to do the same if not more.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 6:02 pm
nicole81 wrote:
I was doing my own laundry since I was 10. It certainly isn't sad. It's called being self-sufficient in an age-appropriate manner.

I believe it is my responsibility to provide clothing for my kids, but depending on their age, definitely not my responsibility to check their hampers daily to wash, fold, and put away said clothing.

We obviously have different opinions on what a mother's responsibilities are, and that's fine. I prefer my opinion. If you have any girls, let's just make sure they don't marry my stepson, because he doesn't need anyone feeling sorry for him. And if you have boys, let's make sure they don't marry my girls, because I don't want my children marrying spouses who are used to having everything handed to them. Lord knows I know enough from imamother as to how that turns out.


I am on board with Nicole81. Having children contribute to the team effort of running a home is good and healthy. As long as the child is not overworked or feeling resentful. My sons were all home now running the house while I was in the hospital with my other son. Had they never done laundry, dishes, cooked etc they would have been overwhelmed and clueless. My boys washed the entire family's laundry, cleaned the entire house AND cooked nightly suppers and Shabbos all on their own. That's because they have experience. My boys usually don't like doing housework during the week but they all contribute for Shabbos and my seven year old can rattle of the gefilte fish recipe to you by heart. I myself was an overworked daughter at age 11 coming from a single parent home. I know where to draw the line. You do have to be careful not to take advantage of your kids that are super helpful. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with children participating in chores and to do their own laundry if they are able. If my kids wouldn't assist , I would literally be a shmatta. My kids will also volunteer to clean the shul before Shabbos and maintain the property of the shul they daven in and shop for the shalosh seudos and kiddush. They are eager to help and to work a little. A good work ethic goes a long way.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 22 2017, 6:05 pm
My husband grew up similarly to me. Who do you think cleaned the toilet when I was 9 months preg and could not bend over. He made challah for ages is a fantastic cook is much more medakdik when it comes to cleaning then I am. I am more motivated to clean (his tolerance for mess is higher then mine) but it looks sooo much nicer when he does it.

Also, there are boys going to yeshiva in 9th grade dont they need to be able to do laundry and other basic things for themselves?
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