Ideas that changed your life

tichellady

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 8:50 pm

So there are lots of things that people have told me but until I could really internalize them ( which took some maturity and life experience and therapy) I didn't really get them. But once I could internalize them, it was life changing. I'm curious if anyone can relate and if yes, please share which ideas you found impactful

Here are some I have been thinking About

1. You really don't know what is going on in someone's life. Even if that person is a friend and shares personal things, you don't know what things she is not sharing or sometime she may paint a painful situation in a less painful way because she needs to see it that way. keep this in mind before judging people

2. If is not my business what my parents do with their money.

3. Everyone is flawed. People we may love and admire have flaws. Once we get to them more we can see their flaws, but don't let that detract from their strengths and don't be so surprised every time someone you admire ends up having flaws

4. $ does not bring happiness. Yes it can alleviate stress, but happiness really does not come from things that can be bought

iammom

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 9:32 pm

I relate to your examples so much!

After going through a down period in my mental health I started being able to internalize what you say in example 1. I walk around looking happy and cheerful and talkative but no one - not even my parents- know what I am going through (I have a friend and sister who know but otherwise I'm Mrs perfect). I look at my family and friends and realize how much they don't know which brought me to a great understanding of how little I know about other people I interact with.

On a similar note, I've learned not to judge people. I've learned that I can't judge a person because I am not in their place. I came to this realization after I became a mom and all the judging I had of other moms (whether I thought them or spoke them out) were exactly things I did. From there I learned that until I am in the other persons spot, I cannot judge.

About your example 2, through therapy as well as my husband's help, I've learned to separate myself emotionally from the things my parents do that drive me nuts. For examples, how they spend their money, how they keep their house, how they raise their kids etc.

And your example 4, very similar, I've learned that my happiness does not depend on life being easy. Even if a persons life is 100 percent amazing, they can still be unhappy.

Lastly, worrying doesn't change anything so just learn to live in the moment.

TeachersNotebook

Wed, Aug 23 2017, 10:39 pm

amother wrote:

Have kavana when doing housework. I think about who can benefit from what I am doing and daven that they do benefit. Consciously think that this is a chessed for so and so...lichvod Shabbos.
It gives such important purpose to the most mundane tasks.

I love this idea! Wrapunzel (a tichel store) has taken this idea further with kavanah in wrapping: as we wrap our tichels, we have kavanah for a specific person or group of people (everyone struggling with X). It adds a new dimension to your covering, and it can be used in so many different contexts.

amother

Denim

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 12:08 am

To Daven that Hashem should help me pass the nissayon gracefully.

That Hashem is my Father that is always looking for my best interest in the situations that he places me in.

That a pregnancy that did not yield a live baby was never meant to, and not to think 'my baby would have been x old now' or 'would have been starting 1st grade now' etc. because he/she wouldn't have. He/she was never designed to. -This has helped me tremendously over the years, many times.

tichellady

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 12:24 am

iammom wrote:

Still working on the worrying one. Lately, I worry so much about worrying 😀. I hope to see progress in this area

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 4:22 am

On a more practical level, someone told me before getting married that you should get used to telling your husband what you'd like him to say when you're upset/worried etc. So every now and then, after I've been upset at the way he handled me, I'll sit down later in a calm moment and gently explain to him what I'd like him to say next time I feel this way. In the beginning it's a joke as he tries to remember his "script,"and it sounds stilted and awkward but with time it evolves into a natural conversation. This has really enhanced my shalom bayis.

LovesHashem

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 5:17 am

amother wrote:

Heard that one in seminary. It's wonderful!!!!!!!!! I've never lived without it.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 7:34 am

My DH has taught me not to get insulted so easily. The problem is in the person doing the insulting, not in you, the person being insulted.

So my neighbor screamed at me because I leaned my kid's bike on her wall (well on my side of her wall) - (yes I have neighbours like that). Once I would have burst into tears (hopefully not in front of her, but immediately afterwards, once out of sight). Now I say "it's ok don't worry" and move on leaving her muttering to herself.

imasinger

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 7:58 am

Here's one I've just been learning.

I have an elderly neighbor who has unfortunately started to slide in cognition, and can't be left alone. I try to go and stay with her so her DH can get out to shul.

It's really hard for her; she hates "needing a babysitter".

But even though she can no longer consistently remember the names of all her beloved grandchildren, she still can access those mantras which she has repeated all her life, to herself and her family. She says a lot:

"It is what it is, so we might as well make the best of it".

It has gotten me thinking. What will my catch phrase be? What am I saying, to myself, and to others? What do I want to remember when other things get forgotten? And how can I live it and live up to it in the right way?

heidi

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 8:24 am

I live in Israel and am constantly amazed by the strength of parents who somehow continue to live and breathe and actually function after losing their children.
The son/brother of the family killed in Neve Tzuf a few weeks ago said at the bris of his baby named for his murdered father that their family has made a choice to behave not as a bereaved family but as a family of joy and of continuity.
This is a lesson that I pray every day never to have to put into use, but definitely a lesson for life.

yOungM0mmy

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 8:37 am

After my father was diagnosed with a (non-cancerous bh, but life changing) brain tumour, his mantra for a while was "it doesn't matter". So much stuff we get upset at really doesn't matter. I internalised this best when I had asked DH to turn off the roast I was cooking for rosh hashana, had even turned on his alarm as a reminder, and came back to a burning roast. I could have shouted and screamed at him, how much easier could I have made it for him, instead I stayed calm and turned it into steak salad. Don't always manage, but definitely helps to cut down on the shouting, anger or blame.

amother

Olive

Thu, Aug 24 2017, 8:52 am

heidi wrote:

Thank you for this perspective! I needed to read this right now.