What's Your Advice to a First Time Mom

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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amother

Chocolate

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:02 pm

After many years of being married, BH we are having our first baby!!!
I am the last of my friends and siblings to have a baby and everyone has been so supportive and encouraging through the whole pregnancy so far.

people keep "warning" me that I will be overwhelmed in the beginning but they assure me it's normal, because everyone has a hard time in the beginning.

So, what would be your 3 pieces of advice to a first time mom, and someone with little to no baby experience?

I'm open to any and all advice!

amother

Wheat

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:09 pm

1. Not everyone has a hard time at the beginning.

2. You only have your first child once - focus on the joy, worry sucks away joy - ban it from your mind.

3. Take it day by day.

smileyface:)

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:12 pm

bsheah tova!!!

1. go treat yourself weekly
2. dont spend all the time taking pictures - live in the moment! Smile

3. dont forget about your husband

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:25 pm

Besha tovoh, congratulations!
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps.
2. Give bottles from day one so you should be able to send to a babysitter.
3. Eat healthy!!!

Good luck!!

agreer

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:29 pm

1. If you can afford it: night nurse!
2. Fed is best; don't feel bad if you can't breastfeed.
3. Don't listen to everything everyone tells you!

amother

Chocolate

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:36 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Besha tovoh, congratulations!
1. Sleep when the baby sleeps.
2. Give bottles from day one so you should be able to send to a babysitter.
3. Eat healthy!!!

Good luck!!

OP here
I read this idea online (giving bottles right away)- this way my husband can do some "shifts" and allow me to rest. But other friends suggested the baby might have a hard time going from breast to bottle -- and the fact that its important for bonding in the beginning to have only the mom feed....

so lots of conflicting suggestions on that one. But I did like the idea of getting rest! Smile

LittleDucky

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:36 pm

Don't ask random people for advice. Seriously- don't fall into the Mommy Wars. Bathe the baby how often you think they need it (and most people do it too often anyways, as per my kids' pediatrician it isn't healthy to do it daily.).
Peer pressure/Mommy Wars is crazy and drives many moms crazy. Use the stroller you want, and works for you, not whatever is popular.

Water Stones

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:42 pm

My only advice is what some one else said: sleep when the baby sleeps! Even if you can't fall asleep, then just lay down for rest.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:43 pm

LittleDucky wrote:

I second this advice. This was one of the hardest things for me - feeling my head spin with mountains of conflicting advice. And some advice while very good, was not for me! It took me time to figure out what I and my family needed (including my husband!) and after that things really settled into place.

Bshaah Tova!

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 8:51 pm

amother wrote:

Besha tovah! Hope everything goes well for you! I promise you, you will bond with your baby and your baby will adore you no matter how you feed him/her. As someone who has done both I can honestly say that although the experiences may have been different I bonded with all of my kids no matter how they were fed. If you feel you need to rest to function then that's how you are being the best mother if you want to nurse full time and that's what you really want then that's how you are being the best mother.
I want to reiterate what previous posters said; don't listen to everyone and take it one day at a time. Those first few weeks seem endless while you're doing it but they really do fly by and soon you'll be a mommy pro iyH giving other people advice!
Good luck!

LiLIsraeli

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 9:05 pm

I have only one bit of advice: Trust your Mommy instinct. You know what's best for you and your baby. Run every other bit of advice through that filter and you'll know what to listen to, what to ignore, and what to adapt to suit your needs.

thnkuHashem2146

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 9:17 pm

Bshaa Tova!!
My first just turned one so here's some FTM to FTM advice Smile

1.Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are people available and able, they're just waiting for your ques.
2. Prioritize what's important and don't stress about the other stuff - your apartment hasn't been mopped in a few weeks? Linen isn't folded? It's ok, let it go. Focus on feeding, changing, bonding with the baby, and sleeping and recovering for yourself so that you can be the best mom you can be. There's only so much you can do and some things are just going to get lost a little bit. Obviously, if you can hire cleaning help, or someone is available to help with laundry etc go for it, but don't expect that you'll be able to do everything. Your baby and your recovery is first priority.
3. Don't compare yourself or your baby to others.
4. Do include your husband - help him bond with the baby and help you out, while still recognizing that this is a big change for him too and he may need some rest/space, etc.
5. Do enjoy your little one at each stage, as the time passes more quickly than you expect (even if the days seem long Smile

)
6. Do buy clothes for yourself that fit you nicely (assuming you don't drop the extra weight quickly) to help you feel pretty and beautiful. Body image was something I had to deal with myself, and I found that once I stopped trying to fit into my before pregnancy clothes (and stopped wearing anything maternity), and actually bought clothes that fit me properly in the next size or two up, I felt so much better with and more comfortable in my body. Also not stressing about the extra weight and instead focusing on being healthy, and if you're nursing, eating right for two people, is a big one.

Also, just fyi, I had a pretty easy (relative) beginning few months - I was experienced with kids and babies before, I was so happy and excited to finally be a mother (a long time dream), I had family to help, I took it day by day, and I wasn't working. I wasn't expecting things to be easy and calm and maybe that helped. It was more around 6 months, when I sort of expected things to get back to normal, I was working, was ready to resume my social life and everything, when I started realizing that things weren't going to back to how they used to be [so quickly and maybe not ever]. Between my own expectations to be back to normal and possibly some other people's expectations/not treating me like a brand new mom, I had a harder adjustment at that point. I will say now though, at a year, I feel adjusted to my role of mother (of course, there's always new things and it's not easy) and pretty much back to myself.

Sorry for the long post!

GetReal

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 9:18 pm

There's a "fourth trimester" when the baby needs lots of warmth and touch. Don't be afraid to hold the baby a lot, nurse all the time. There's all the time in the world for the baby to be big and independent.

And after being awake for about two hours, newborns get tired. If you put the baby down before it gets overtired, it will hopefully learn how to fall sleep on its own.

Take care of yourself! Give yourself lots of time to heal and get back to yourself.

Bshaa tovah!

amother

Indigo

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 9:25 pm

Allow yourself to be guided by your motherly intuition and seek support from those who have capacity to support you in being guided by your motherly intuition.

Blessing1

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 10:42 pm

OP, if your concerned about bottle feeding, one bottle a day is fine, preferably from DH & the last feeding before bed time. Just so the baby has an idea what a bottle is. Worked out great with all my kids.

amother

Natural

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 10:45 pm

ENJOY!!!!!
take videos.
I LOVE watching the videos from the first few months especially. SO cute.

when your newborn/infant is crying and will NOT stop go onto youtube (if you have a computer that has access to it) and look up comforting sounds. "Womb sounds", rain, thunder, fans- there are tons of white noise videos- it didn't help all the time, and I realized that I had to switch it up because after a while the same sounds wouldn't calm him down anymore, but it's worth trying.

if you're nursing make a little "nursing basket" with things you'll need (burp cloths, books or something else for you to do, etc). I actually ended up making two of those so I'd have one in both of the rooms I nursed most often in.

But seriously just enjoy. This has been the most AMAZING time of my life. I know everyone has a different experience but mine is 1 and a half now and I still can't get over about lucky I am and how adorable he is.

SuperWify

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 10:58 pm

1. Don't get out of bed the first two weeks EVEN if you feel good. Your body went thru a major trauma and will need to heal
2. It is normal for new dads as well to be overwhelmed and withdrawn the first few days... it will take your DH time to process what has happened and adjust to being a dad just like it might take you time to adjust to being a mom
3. Ppd is common. If u Chas v shalom have any worrisome symptoms please don't be shy to ask for help. The earlier it's caught the better.

Most of all rest up and bond with your precious bundle!

amother

Black

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 11:03 pm

amother wrote:

I waited a week to give my baby a bottle, and then I did one bottle a day. Baby had no nipple confusion and it was great that someone else could feed her.

amother

White

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 11:05 pm

I had my first now after many years here's my advice:
1) give a bottle once a week at least I didn't and I gotta take my baby along to every simcha.... It's not easy
2) don't get your baby used to crazy things like rocking to sleep.... I did in the beginning as soon as I got home from Mom I stopped it all I'm so happy I did
3) enjoy every second I keep on taking pics they grow up really really far it's really cute too see
4) if you have a car get the doona car seat stroller it's the best investment we did!
Hatzlacha nobody said it's easy but it's very very rewarding. Beshoa tova

amother

Ruby

Wed, Aug 30 2017, 11:07 pm

SuperWify wrote:

3. Ppd is common. If u Chas v shalom have any worrisome symptoms please don't be shy to ask for help. The earlier it's caught the better.

Most of all rest up and bond with your precious bundle!

This.

If you don't feel like yourself, it might be PPD. PPD doesn't mean only if you want to hurt yourself or your baby. It also doesn't only mean that you are depressed.

If you are feeling "out of it", get help. Talk to your doctor. It's a pity to suffer.

Also, there's no such thing as spoiling your baby. There's no "training" a baby under at least 3-4 months. Let him sleep where it's best. Let him feed as often as he wants. He's not "learning" a bad habit. Do what works. You'll train him later.

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