What's Your Advice to a First Time Mom

mha3484

Thu, Aug 31 2017, 1:02 pm

I am a terrible napper so I always used that time to eat or shower or even just relax with a book/magazine or imamother. I did try to be in bed an hour or two earlier to make up for the interrupted sleep.

I need to see the outdoors every day or I will go batty. Anyone who gives me dirty looks when I am reasonably out and about after birth can get one right back thankyouverymuch. When my second was born my older one was in a playgroup a block away. I used to walk him in the morning and the morahs thought I was nuts for going out. They were older women with a different frame of reference. I saw it as a good thing for my older child to keep his routine as much as possible. There is a balance between running a marathon and not leaving my bed all day. For all of us it will be different. Find yours and be confident in it!

Raisin

Fri, Sep 01 2017, 6:28 am

naomi2 wrote:

Get a night nurse. It's invaluable.

Do your best. Don't stress out about following everyone's advice or if you are a good enough mother. Your very best will be just fine.

See a lactation consultant. Nursing doesn't just happen automatically.

I would probably find a night nurse useless and annoying, (since I nurse and I would hate to have a stranger in my space who often, according to several threads on here, needs custom prepared meals made for her) but household/cleaning/cooking help is essential for me. If the baby has colic I guess a night nurse would be useful, otherwise babies sleep, eat and need changing. I'm not spending that type of money for someone to change my baby. You have got to know yourself. Also how much family or community help you are getting.

And while some women have difficulty nursing, there would not be a human race if "Nursing doesn't just happen automatically." There were no lactation consultants until recently. My mother and my sisters all nursed most of our kids and afaik none of used a lactation consultant. (and I didn't even have google or decent internet when I had my first)

Obviously be prepared to ask for help if you feel it is needed (as with anything!) but you may find it manageable.

amother

Gray

Sun, Sep 03 2017, 11:42 am

Yep, definitely acknowledge advice and feed it through your own filter. There are many things on this thread that WOULD not have worked for what I want to accomplish with my parenting, or with my baby's temperament.
I found the best way to figure it all out was to read a lot of the popular books that span the spectrum of parenting styles (happiest baby on the block, baby whisperer, Dr. Sears, Dr. Spock etc.). I didn't have to worry about offending people so I could really figure it out. It would've been great to do it before the baby was born, but I did actually have time to read while nursing (no time to do anything else!!! Most things require mobility/hands!).

In terms of nursing, 1. If you need a lactation consultant, make sure you get a very good one. The price difference isn't usually significant but the care is. I'm not talking ibclc - that's a must, but lots of experience with lots of issues. 2. Oversupply is almost as much a problem as undersuply. If you're crazy engorged and have milk right away, read up on it. Kellymom, LLL, and Dr. Robert Newman all have good articles. 3. Layering with tank tops makes everything nursing friendly. 4. Kohls has really great, really cheap nursing bras.

Accept any offer for help if it helps you. don't feel guilty, most often they really want to help and you're allowing them to feel good. Ask for help if people are willing but not offering.

Baby carriers are life savers! The Baby Ktan is a great cross between structured and wrap and is really comfortable.

Recovery (emotional, physical, managing household, etc.) from labor can be worse than labor. You will eventually feel normal. Don't compare yourself (good life advice for all subjects really) - some ppl feel good a day later, some months and months later. Don't take on more than you can handle even if you think you should be over it b.c everyone else is.

Birth control can turn you into a monster...

Bshaa tova! Easy labor! Feel good! Enjoy your prince/princess!

amother

Oak

Sun, Sep 03 2017, 5:46 pm

amother wrote:

After many years of being married, BH we are having our first baby!!!
I am the last of my friends and siblings to have a baby and everyone has been so supportive and encouraging through the whole pregnancy so far.

people keep "warning" me that I will be overwhelmed in the beginning but they assure me it's normal, because everyone has a hard time in the beginning.

So, what would be your 3 pieces of advice to a first time mom, and someone with little to no baby experience?

I'm open to any and all advice!

My only piece of advice would be: do not take advice from anybody. Seriously. Nobody knows your baby like you do and hearing what/how other people did things with their babies may not work for you. Seriously, don't listen to anybody. Especially when they offer unsolicited advice on feeding, sleeping and when they comment on your baby's size.

Feel free to solicit advice from others if you can handle it. My advice relates solely to unsolicited advice. Try to find a way to filter it all out.

BShah Tova.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Sep 03 2017, 10:41 pm

Really like the baby whisperer

If you have a car and can afford it, the doona

Don't listen to anyone's advice seriously. So far the only parenting mistakes I regret (first baby only 6m) are when I listened to mom and sister instead of my own instinct or following baby's lead.

Bravado body silk seamless nursing bra, so comfy, and I'm a triple D

I wanted to buy all my own gear and clothing so I can have a stash for future babies but.. Believe it or not they really do outgrow so fast... Try to borrow if you can or buy secondhand (equipment maybe not clothes) on Craigslist or fb marketplace

Something I'm glad I started and still going strong but you have to plan for it before! So you don't miss it! Monthly pics of baby wearing a belly sticker that says age. Or blocks that say age. Google you'll see what I mean

Buy oxi clean. Any poop or spit up, soak in oxi clean in warm water for a few hours to overnight and then wash as regular. Air dry in sun. Also if you borrow clothes and they have yellow stains, soak in oxi clean til it comes out.

Blue jay

Sun, Sep 03 2017, 11:58 pm

1. Buy yourself some nice comfy house clothes "loungewear" so you can be comfortable at home taking care of yourself and baby.Plus you will always be ready to sleep when the baby is napping!

2.Research now about nursing ( if you have not done so already) and get 'My breast friend" nursing pillow. Really helped with position as an inexperienced mother.

3. Remember that newborn babies need to rest every four hours or so Naps during the day actually help your baby sleep better at night!

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 8:09 am

1) Read up now about baby sleep patterns and habits. I recommend 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' to know what to expect and how to get your baby to sleep as best they can for the age they are at.
2) Even if nursing is going great, get a lactation consultant for 1 meeting within the first week. Often, people wait until there's a problem ,and even if there isn't one, a few pro tips at the beginning go a really long way.
3) If you need a breast pump at any point, spend the extra money on a really good one (and make sure it's double sided) - this can make a huge difference.
4) Freeze food for yourself in advance for after the birth
5) After birth, focus on getting help for your house. After I had a baby, everyone wanted to come hold her or rock her while she cried, or feed her. But that was my job - what I really needed was someone to take out my garbage, wash my dishes, sweep my floor. My mother in law tried to be helpful by taking care of the baby so I could clean and that just exhausted me, but my mother tried to be helpful by cleaning so I could take of the baby and that was AMAZING!
6) Don't be afraid to ask for help. I really needed help, but I thought I should or could just cope on my own. Big mistake! even little help is good, like if someone comes over with a gift ans asks if they can do anything (or even if they don't offer, you can ask them), ask them to take the garbage with them on their way out or wash a few plates or help you fold all those baby clothes.
7) Not everyone feels a bond with their baby right away and that's completely normal!! It takes time to learn to love your baby - some people will feel it instantly, and others won't feel it for a few days or even a few weeks. It's all normal and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't love yuour baby the minute you see it. It takes time to get to know each other and as long as you are loving and taking care of the baby, the bond will come when it's ready.
8) There is more than just PPD. If you haveeven a doubt that you have post-partum depression, post-partum anxiety, or post-partum-any-other-mental-health-problem, get help right away. Don't wait until you are sure. A good first place to go for this is a talk with your GP and they will point you in the right direction.

Blue jay

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 10:07 am

amother wrote:

great advice!

SixOfWands

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 10:22 am

B'shaa tova.

Every baby is different. Every mom is different. Read the advice. Then if it doesn't work for you, do something else.

Someone said rest when the baby sleeps. Others said don't. Me, I enjoyed a morning nap with the babies, but got things done during later naps.

Someone said stay in bed for 2 weeks. I would have seriously considered killing someone if I had to be in bed that long. We were taking walks around the block by then. But that's me.

That said ...

(1) Get a good baby carrier that is comfortable for you, and get the baby used to it early. I'm not opposed to stroller use, but a carrier gave me my arms back in the early months.

(2) Remember to enjoy it. Its too easy to get caught up in the anxiety of each second. Don't. Step back. Enjoy.

(3) And don't sweat the mistakes. You'll make them. Everyone does. Its fine.

amother

Orange

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 7:52 pm

You said u had been married a long time and this is your first child. Having just had our first child after 10 years of marriage the only advice I can give you is this don't feel that u can't feel exasperated or overwhelmed just because you waited for this baby for so long. You are just like any other mother and u can feel overwhelmed and like what heck did I get myself into even though u waited so long don't feel bad or beat yourself up about it. I always feel bad venting about how hard it is and I shouldn't my baby is not easy and it's been a rough couple of months. (Baby doesn't sleep ever not during the day or night or ever and we tried everything even hired a sleep trainer) so don't feel bad having those feeling cause they are normal.