Baby named with same name as ex?

amother

Seashell

Tue, Sep 05 2017, 10:49 pm

Maybe the name bas other meaning to her and her dh and she had reason to name it. Honestly bh I am not in it situation but I think it's none of your business and I don't think she needs to give you any heads up. Her baby, her name.
It seems like you have lots of issues with this who saga in your life and you need to take care of them. I don't think your sister should have to tell you what she an she dh decide for the name of their new baby.

WhatFor

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 12:48 pm

Your issue seems to be that you feel like you were neglected by your sister. I'm curious - is she older than you?

She just had a baby. Her hormones are settling down, she is probably sleep deprived and her body is going through a healing process. She liked a name and she and dh chose to use it.

Given that she was/is probably compromised on her ability to give to people immediately post-partum, she's probably more focused on those who need her the most, like her children, dh, and herself.

Maybe you weren't in prominent in her thoughts in that moment and that is okay. You're a grown adult and she probably didn't think you needed babying. She probably didn't make the same association with the name that you did.

It's not unreasonable to be upset if you'll constantly be reminded of someone who hurt you, but your expectations of your sister in this situation seem a bit unreasonable.

pesek zman

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 1:19 pm

WhatFor wrote:

This. Exactly. Perfect post

hotzenplotz

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 1:32 pm

Your sister is probably close to you and loves you. However, she can never understand the pain of having an ex. She can never understand the pain of betrayal. and if she never went through anything of depth, she simply may not have depth. And she may simply not have the concept of being considerate. She is like most people. They do not have extra consideration. It is a fact of life.Try to focus on the good parts of your sisterly relationship. It is a fact of life that with family we always have to live on good terms, no matter what it is about them...

heartinzion

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 1:49 pm

Am I the only one who agrees with OP? I agree that it was really insensitive and thoughtless and that a heads up and/or asking her if it would cause her too much pain would have been appropriate.

That being said, OP, I don't think it was deliberate or malicious. If you two are close like you said, then I'm sure it was unintentional. Like others said, either she completely forgot that it was the ex's name, or she figured that since it was so long ago you're over it and wouldn't care. I agree with you that it wasn't the nice thing to not discuss it with you, but I'm sure there was no malicious intent.
Try to forgive it and let go and make new associations with the name (the adorable nephew!).

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 10:38 pm

I have been thinking about it a lot. And I know it wasn't a malicious thing for my sister to do. she is my older sister by the way.- for the poster that asked.I think she doesn't know to what extent this person hurt me. My mother(who at the time that he came to apologize/get back together with me,threatened to call the police if he shows up near my house again) hasn't spoken to me about the name. I think she knows how I feel and she is choosing to ignore the situation.(which is something she does and has always done)

I am really ok now. I hold nothing against this baby. I hope he grows up to be nothing like the other person with his name. I was just in shock. The truth is I spoke about the name with my other sister(who is also older) and she also said my other sister probably forgot. She was also already married when I was going through my ordeal with this person so she doesn't really know to what extent he treated me.

I blame this person for my trusting issues that I had with my husband in the first few years of my life. And I know I only married my husband(who I am soo happy with-B'H) because his personality was the exact opposite of this other person.So this person did mold my future in a way.But I wish I didn't have to go through the hell I did.

But again, I don't think she chose the name to hurt me and I just have to get over myself enough to call and say mazel tov on her sons name.I am working on it.

Thank you everyone for your help!

Wed, Sep 06 2017, 11:13 pm

Do you get this feeling towards ALL men with this name? If so, there's ptsd to take care of. You shouldn't feel horrible towards people who haven't hurt you, even if they have the same name.
Your sister's baby definitely didn't do anything harmful to you, so maybe it's a good time to use as an opportunity to heal old painful wounds with courage inside you that you never knew you had?
I know. It's painful. But you don't want to stay with the pain your entire life, and sometimes it's necessary to scratch old wounds open in order to become healthier. Keeping it in yourself you're basically allowing this terrible man to continue hurting you consistently under closed curtains.