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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
His best friend switched



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amother
Cyan


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2017, 7:01 pm
I have a son who is on the spectrum. He attends a special yeshiva, and we are hoping to mainstream eventually, but we're not there yet. His best friend was just mainstreamed this year and is no longer there. DS is very upset and wants to go to the same school as his friend. Truth is, that's probably the school we're going to send him to when he's ready for mainstream, but for now, he needs to stay in the special needs program. He's now saying he's never going to his current school again, that I have to go sign him up for the other school, etc. Not sure how best to handle this. I mean, obviously he doesn't get to decide about school, but I mean like helping him come to terms with it so he's not miserable about school this year. He is 6, just started 1st grade.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2017, 8:06 pm
We had this. DS threw a fit daily for months. Only two things worked:

1) bribery. We validated, but that didn't actually get him to go, so for behaving and going nicely for x amount of time, he earned something.

2) Distracting him into following his routine. Once he starts a routine, it tends to just go. So "I won't go!" got answered with "I know, it's so hard" while handing him his clothes, or his backpack, or whatever, and he would continue the routine. Because as much as he loves his friend, his school and routine are comfortable for him.

He will likely adjust. We found that other than validating, no explanations were helpful. He didn't really understand or care about the difference is his level of functioning and his friend's, or that "each child goes to the right school for him." We went fully tachlis.
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