Asking DH siblings to take him out

amother

Ginger

Thu, Sep 07 2017, 9:14 pm

Sorry this is long:

DH is graduating from a grueling doctorate program. I spent a long time thinking about how to celebrate this huge milestone. We had always planned on taking a nice vacation to celebrate but money is really tight so we decided to cancel it. Disclaimer: with years of myself being the sole breadwinner money is really really tight.

After much thought I decided that he would enjoy a night out with his siblings. I will be staying home in order to avoid babysitting fees. I was hoping they would offer to take him out but but that didn't happen so I asked them, knowing that then I would have to pay. I coordinated a convenient night for everyone and offered to sponsor the entertainment, which costs a few hundred dollars for all of them. A few of them asked me about going out to eat as well and I very honestly responded that if they want to go out to eat they're welcome to, but I can't sponsor that for everyone.

I bought decorations for them to dress up the car before picking DH up. Today one of them called me that no one wants to take their car because of mileage, gas, etc. Aside for the added cost and mileage, I don't know logistically how I'll get my car to them in time to decorate it and surprise DH.

Am I justified in being annoyed that they're not willing to spend a penny on their brother's celebration or am I wrong in expecting them to take one of their own cars? I can take the criticism, want honest opinions.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Sep 07 2017, 9:34 pm

Squishy wrote:

I think you should bag the whole thing and take DH out yourself and hire a babysitter. When you are in a position to sponser the entire affair then he can enjoy an evening with his siblings.

Too late for that now but I wish I would have. I thought it would be nice because they never go out together and DH enjoys their company. Live and learn

lucky14

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 12:14 am

seeker wrote:

I don't get it, you are covering several HUNDRED dollars worth of entertainment for DH and his (possibly stingy) siblings instead of taking some time out with him yourself? Scratching Head

I was confused about this too.
In any case, that was lame of his sibs to cancel.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 12:15 am

seeker wrote:

I don't get it, you are covering several HUNDRED dollars worth of entertainment for DH and his (possibly stingy) siblings instead of taking some time out with him yourself? Scratching Head

I know

I'm regretting this whole thing, I thought it would be nice for DH because they never go out together but I did not think they would behave this way... Thanks for all the validation!

seeker

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 1:29 am

Do they live, like, four states away that they're so worried about mileage?

I'm not so well versed in the ways of the world but could it be that they lease their cars and are limited in the amount of mileage they're allowed to use? Is that a lease-y thing? (I've never leased a car so that was some creative thinking there)

devash1

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 2:53 am

I agree. I say cancel even if it's too late. You're the one that has been sacrificing by working extra hard while he has been in school. Why should you miss out on celebrating? $300 is not a small amount of money, you could probably go to a hotel for one night for that. I just don't know how much babysitting help is. I hope you get to celebrate with him.

mommy3b2c

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 8:02 am

Wow.

No words, yet so much to say.

1) I doubt your husband would want to spend time with these people. They sound awful. I was unaware till your post that such a level of stinginess exists.

2) are these people idiots? Someone is paying a few hundred dollars for their entertainment and they'd rather stay home?

3) they are selfish and couldn't care less about their brother. It doesn't sound like they have any interest in spending time with him at all.

4) you sound like an incredibly selfless person. You don't have much money, but you are willing to spend on other people, just to make your husband happy.

5) cancel their trip. Go out and enjoy each other. You can do it for $300 or less including babysitter. You deserve it. Never offer to pay anything for these selfish brats again.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Sep 08 2017, 8:05 am

Thanks everyone! So I texted them that I can't give my car and if it doesn't work for them his friends will take him instead. (I figured that would put them on a guilt trip a bit.) In their defense they responded that they'll rent a car and as part of the surprise they'll pay for a nicer car. I guess they got the message... Smile

I said great thanks and left it at that.