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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Son is having a hard time adjusting
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amother
Blush


 

Post Sun, Sep 10 2017, 12:28 pm
Gan started a week and a half ago. My son is now in an old boys hebrew gan and he is new to the language (and Israeli culture I guess).
My sweet, normally well-behaved 3 year old boy is cranky, weepy, easily irritable, has a hard time communicating his feeling and has been leaking in his pants (was toilet trained for about 6 months now and hasn't had this issue.)
Here's the weird part:
When I speak to his Morah's, they all tell me how adorable, smart, well behaved and friendly he is and that the other kids love him and he is already picking up the language.

Is this normal? Any ideas for an easier transition?
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amother
Linen


 

Post Sun, Sep 10 2017, 4:33 pm
ask him if he ever left school during school hours. Or if he ever went on a bus in the middle of the day. ask him if anyone ever touched his private part or made him feel uncomfortable/reiterate personal safety rules. Ask him if anyone ever hurt him at school. (don't just listen to his answer. Watch his body language.)

The most important thing is to use your maternal intuition. A mother can sense when something is wrong. Turing off your intuition because your are American, or a new parent, or young, or any other reason, is the start of disaster.

Hashem yishmor. hamaivim yavin.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Sun, Sep 10 2017, 7:29 pm
Please don't listen to amother Linen.

It is ENTIRELY normal for a kid to have difficulty transitioning. He's THREE! AND he doesn't understand the language.

No need for panic. But maybe switch him to a half day for a few months and then extend.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Sun, Sep 10 2017, 11:20 pm
I agree it definitely sounds in the realm of normal in this situation. It also seems perfectly reasonable to me that he behaves fine in gan, so the ganenets say he is well-behaved, but he's in a (normal but) stressful situation, so he is displaying signs of stress where he is more comfortable (with you). I think this adjustment will just take time. I would for sure ask him if anything in particular is bothering him, but not worry if he says no. You can speak to him about the new situation and tell him it will get easier for him as he gets more familiar with the language and the way they do things in gan. My son is in a very similar situation, and I told him upfront that it might be hard for him because he is only somewhat familiar with Hebrew, but definitely doesn't understand most of it, but it will get easier as he learns more. He told me he still "cries a little bit" in gan because it's new and he's still getting used to it. But he told me nobody gives booboos in gan, which was really good to hear. You can also ask him if there is anything he thinks he should learn to say (like "I need to use the bathroom") and try to teach him those words. Could be if he feels like he can say something if he needs, he'll be less nervous. Good luck and please don't be too nervous! This sounds very normal for this situation!
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 10 2017, 11:30 pm
Teach him the basic Hebrew words and commands.
Stand up
Sit down
Drawer (where they put their projects)
Yetzira
Tzvaim
Safsal

And make a game out of asking and answering basic questions, what's your name, who wants...

Talk to the teacher and assistants. Let them know he's uncomfortable, and ask them to give him a little more attention and make certain he understands what's expected of him (to color the page, spread plastalina, etc.)
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 10 2017, 11:35 pm
Oh, and make play dates!
Ask the morah for the class list, or at least to copy the names and numbers of the boys who live nearby. Call and meet the moms.
My son is 3.5, but he started off with five friends in his class. From our street.

You can also visit during the day. Ask the morah when the best time is. Shaat chatzer is often 11-12.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 1:24 am
amother wrote:
Please don't listen to amother Linen.

It is ENTIRELY normal for a kid to have difficulty transitioning. He's THREE! AND he doesn't understand the language.

No need for panic. But maybe switch him to a half day for a few months and then extend.


Totally! Talk about alarming someone!!
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amother
Blush


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 1:58 am
Thank you all for these great ideas.
B"h he has a few friends from before in the class. 4 kids he knows. Lymnook, teaching him the language is a good idea. My own Hebrew is pretty decent so I could try to use some words/phrases, teach him a bit.
Playdates are also a good idea. I also think I will also try to set aside some special time for him, maybe take him out himself.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 1:58 am
amother wrote:
Totally! Talk about alarming someone!!


Yeah, that whole thing completely freaks me out
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amother
Blush


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:01 am
amother wrote:
I agree it definitely sounds in the realm of normal in this situation. It also seems perfectly reasonable to me that he behaves fine in gan, so the ganenets say he is well-behaved, but he's in a (normal but) stressful situation, so he is displaying signs of stress where he is more comfortable (with you). I think this adjustment will just take time. I would for sure ask him if anything in particular is bothering him, but not worry if he says no. You can speak to him about the new situation and tell him it will get easier for him as he gets more familiar with the language and the way they do things in gan. My son is in a very similar situation, and I told him upfront that it might be hard for him because he is only somewhat familiar with Hebrew, but definitely doesn't understand most of it, but it will get easier as he learns more. He told me he still "cries a little bit" in gan because it's new and he's still getting used to it. But he told me nobody gives booboos in gan, which was really good to hear. You can also ask him if there is anything he thinks he should learn to say (like "I need to use the bathroom") and try to teach him those words. Could be if he feels like he can say something if he needs, he'll be less nervous. Good luck and please don't be too nervous! This sounds very normal for this situation!


You are have such a great way of communicating with your son. Thanks for your encouragement.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 2:03 am
Also there's PTA - parent night out soon. Im sure I will learn more about how the gan is run.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 4:34 am
My advice was not out of place given what is still going on over there. I wouldn't have written this to someone sending to a playgroup in America. Yes, hard adjustment CAN be normal. Except when it isn't. It is just a fact that given the circumstances you need to have your eyes, ears, and intuition more perked up than you would in an average school in America without any of these cases (emphasis these , not normal molestation) and with normal laws/safety protocol in place. To deny this is to put your kid in danger.

Blush, I am happy you are aware of the situation. It could be that all is well and normal and safe.

But instead of listening to the other amother to ask the morah when to come visit, just pop in. You want to be 100% sure your kid is where the morah says he is. Also, although there are no guarantees, at least make sure your gan doesn't have a reputation of having numerous cases from this situation.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 5:14 am
amother wrote:
My advice was not out of place given what is still going on over there. I wouldn't have written this to someone sending to a playgroup in America. Yes, hard adjustment CAN be normal. Except when it isn't. It is just a fact that given the circumstances you need to have your eyes, ears, and intuition more perked up than you would in an average school in America without any of these cases (emphasis these , not normal molestation) and with normal laws/safety protocol in place. To deny this is to put your kid in danger.

Blush, I am happy you are aware of the situation. It could be that all is well and normal and safe.

But instead of listening to the other amother to ask the morah when to come visit, just pop in. You want to be 100% sure your kid is where the morah says he is. Also, although there are no guarantees, at least make sure your gan doesn't have a reputation of having numerous cases from this situation.


Thanks. I think it's always good to be proactive. Popping in is a good idea.
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 5:57 am
The morah who just met him might see him as happy (even an experienced morah), when the parent who knows the child might pick up on something else. Pop in and observe, pick him up early as a treat once a week.
I hope the morah knows English and repeats things for him, this should help him a lot in the beginning. I also hope he is getting an ulpan tutor.

The language barrier is overwhelming and this can be a very anxious time for your child. Validate and talk him through it. He needs a lot of understanding and support (read him picture books with common words used in the school, playground, and home items -this helped my kids greatly) He can do it with your help if and will be happier when he feels understood.

My two boys went through this and each one handled it differently.

Patience

Hug
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amother
Mint


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 6:53 am
amother wrote:
My advice was not out of place given what is still going on over there. I wouldn't have written this to someone sending to a playgroup in America. Yes, hard adjustment CAN be normal. Except when it isn't. It is just a fact that given the circumstances you need to have your eyes, ears, and intuition more perked up than you would in an average school in America without any of these cases (emphasis these , not normal molestation) and with normal laws/safety protocol in place. To deny this is to put your kid in danger.

Blush, I am happy you are aware of the situation. It could be that all is well and normal and safe.

But instead of listening to the other amother to ask the morah when to come visit, just pop in. You want to be 100% sure your kid is where the morah says he is. Also, although there are no guarantees, at least make sure your gan doesn't have a reputation of having numerous cases from this situation.


Can you SHUT UP? There might be abuse going on as there is everywhere, but there is no 'unusual cases' going on. You don't even have any idea where the OP lives to be making such statements. If you want to start with this nonsense again, please start your own thread instead of scaring the daylights of poor amothers here.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 7:03 am
amother wrote:
Can you SHUT UP? There might be abuse going on as there is everywhere, but there is no 'unusual cases' going on. You don't even have any idea where the OP lives to be making such statements. If you want to start with this nonsense again, please start your own thread instead of scaring the daylights of poor amothers here.

Quite right.
Three year old boys ganim exist across the spectrum. There are bais Yaakov ones, Gabri safa as well as private ones within a cheder.
At the asifot horizon in the past two years the morahs have stressed the personal safety of the children more explicitly. In previous years it was maybe marginally mentioned.
I mentioned asking the morah when a good time is since it's interrupts and disturbs the class uf she is in the middle of davening or parasha. It is really insensitive to just barge in.
Most ganim have Windows you could peep through if you come at a bad time. That's why I say to ask the morah. She'll give you a schedule of the times that she is not actively instructing.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 8:09 am
amother wrote:
Thank you all for these great ideas.
B"h he has a few friends from before in the class. 4 kids he knows. Lymnook, teaching him the language is a good idea. My own Hebrew is pretty decent so I could try to use some words/phrases, teach him a bit.
Playdates are also a good idea. I also think I will also try to set aside some special time for him, maybe take him out himself.


You can also play "gan" with him, using some of his toys, or just pretend.

The toys go to gan. Go through where they put things, etc, using the new words. Let him express his anxieties through the figures. Always begin and end with Ima (or whomever it actually is) picks him up and gives him a big hug.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 8:29 am
Linen is not wrong

Yes, abuse exists everywhere, lo alenu, and so do good people, but there has been a wave of bad stories with Israeli ganim. My own friend being caught in such a story, so bad I lost appetite over it. I won't say anything else, and no it wasn't s-xual, but the bashing on Linen only participates to the omerta on that topic.
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 11:20 am
Ruchel wrote:
... the bashing on Linen only participates to the omerta on that topic.

No, the code of silence here is followed by the conspiracy theorists who only hint at what they claim is going on, but when asked for details can't tell you more because reasons. If they believed their own stories, they would be burning tires in Kikar Safra instead of posting rumors on imafrier.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Mon, Sep 11 2017, 12:26 pm
Popping in makes it so hard on them!! So if you pop in, plan on taking him with you, otherwise he will be very upset when you leave again, and it could make him think you will pop in all the time and set him back in his adjustment.
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