Help with school | Imamother

amother

Copper

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 1:40 pm

An exhausted story, told short:

My children's elementary day school is run by a 1-woman "team", it's a large school but she oversees everything and is involved in everything from PTA to the school board to teaching classes.
Her friends are some of the teachers and no one has a seat on the board unless they do her bidding.
My child's teacher, upper grade, is a friend of the principal. She has an unacceptable way of disciplining her students. An abusive way. She uses sarcasm, in a humiliating way. She calls the class idiots if they ask too many questions, and calls out to specific children that they are brats. ITS THE 6th day of school.

In the past years, many parents have gone to the principal, not sure if they have also gone to the menahal, but he doesn't seem to have much influence over the school. The principal either has turned the situation back on the parent/child or have excuses and said she would handle it.

Now, I have a child in this class. I NEED GUIDANCE on how to get help. This teacher is effecting my child, everyday coming over with his/her head hung low. So impacted by the name-calling. Is this what Torah Day schools do? I am a Baal teshuva and I am horrified.

Should I secretly record this teacher? Do I go to the states department of education?

Also, Morah's and Rebbes fall asleep during recess when they should be supervising our children.

The principal screams at children.

There are NO other schools to send to...

Please help me

SixOfWands

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 2:35 pm

If a decent public school is available, I'd consider it.

As MY said, its a toxic environment. Some kids will deal with it, will let the toxicity roll off them. Its still not a good atmosphere for them, but they'll survive. Your DD doesn't seem to be one of them. And real harm can be done to her if she stays.

You could become the town hero. Once one person does it, people will see that they have a choice. People whose kids are suffering will follow you. And maybe then, things will have to change.

33055

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 3:16 pm

amother wrote:

I think you need someone familiar with your paprticular situation as I see this as a situation where you will get more from honey than vinegar.

Obviously, you are familiar with parents. Speak to a Chabad Rebbetzen who isn't the one running the school even if she is a teacher. It is preferable if her own children attend and get her thoughts on this.

In meantime, befriend the teacher. Get her on your daughter's side. The truth is that you don't know if the teacher is actually calling the kids idiots or brats. In a thread today, I said that Oliveoil's post was stupid. Another poster said it was the most asinine post ever. A third poster said that although she disagrees, she wouldn't call Oliveoil stupid or asinine for that post. Note that neither of us called her stupid or asinine. Similarly, the teacher may have told the kids to stop acting like brats rather than calling them brats.

This teacher may be overwhelmed by the class and could welcome a parent on her side.

If you attack, they will circle the wagons. Get a dialogue going wherever you can.

amother

Copper

Wed, Sep 13 2017, 3:57 pm

OP here, it's a son and it's a regular yeshivish day school.
She is not saying your acting like brats, she called a boy a brat. She calls the whole class idiots if they ask questions on the material she presents.
I am not willing to send to public school, especially where I live. I also think pulling my kid out does NOTHING to show the school what they are doing.
My desire is to improve the school, but maybe this is a pipe dream. I want the children there to not just "get through" but to want to be there, to love being Jewish, to love being shomer mitzvos, love the Emesdig life. I can't just leave the other boys. What am I saying to my own children? How will I answer in Olam Haba?
But....how do I do this?

33055

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:06 am

amother wrote:

The truth is that you just don't know if that is really happening. Children are not the most reliable reporters. Have you had a non-threatening conversation with the teacher? I would call her and speak to her and take the temperature of her attitude towards your son.

You are not going to come into this situation like an avenging angel and change the atmosphere of the school. Also, you have less of a voice because you are not a product of the system. Your only options are to leave, accept the situation, or try to influence what you can by being super nice or getting the major donor on your side.

We have a modern school nearby where the head Rabbi is my way or the highway. He didn't want to hear from parents even we they all got together en masse. He ended up with significantly less enrollment but with obedient parents. Many kids ended up in public schools.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:16 am

Ask the school if you can shadow your child for a few days. Tell them that you've heard that your son is getting in trouble, and you want to keep an eye on HIM. Don't tell them you're actually watching the teacher, just observe quietly from the back of the class and stay as invisible as possible.

Once the kids and teacher forget that you're there, you'll be amazed at the dynamics and behavior patterns you'll observe.

Take that information, and make your decisions from there. If the school won't let you shadow, then you know that they have something to hide.

Personally, I've found that when private schools have no oversight and no government to answer to, the abuse of power runs amok. Anyone who is a BT, doesn't pay full tuition, and doesn't have a big name rabbi in the family is at the bottom of their priority list.

If the Day School destroys your child's love of yiddishkeit and makes him hate learning, he is far better off in a public school.

BTDT Hug

imasoftov

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 11:42 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I don't disagree with the advice, but I'd also worry that the teacher might manage to restrain herself while being watched by a parent, but would return to old patterns afterwards.

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 3:42 pm

Sorry, but I don't think you'll be able to get anything/anyone to change. Like another poster said, if a family doesn't pay full tuition, doesn't have a rabbi family name or is not a board member, they dont really care what you say.

I have had traumatizing experiences with my kids, no one cared and then the school turned around and started trying to make it like I was the "bad" one.

Interesting that everyone says "just send to public school". Well, public schools have a lot of problems too with bullying from peers....it is not a solution. I know BC I know people who work in public school. Any problems in our schools, its worse in public schools! Of course, I would not even suggest public schools BC I strongly believe it is our duty to send to frum schools.

I'm sorry for what your child is going through. Its hard that you have no other school to send to.