Who is a gemach for (if they don't specify)

amother

Blue

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 1:49 am

Someone told me about a children's clothing gemach and gave me their number in case I need it. The truth is I'm not sure if I need it. I live very frugally. I don't have extra money. I don't buy myself or my kids new things unless it's really needed. This season has been expensive even without buying anything new for yom tov, with new clothes and shoes needed for school and some things going on around the house. My older daughter could really use something nice for the upcoming holidays. Especially with so many 3 days in a row with no laundry.

The thing is that I am not broke. I have some savings. Nothing to retire on but if I need or want something badly enough I can spend on it without worrying that if I go over budget I will be in trouble. I am in no danger of losing my home or my power. Of course if I would do that often there would be nothing left but this already puts me way ahead of many other people who literally have nothing or are in debt.

So I'm not sure whether to call this gemach and ask if they have a yom tov outfit for my daughters. I really want them to have something and I don't really want to spend too much, and I'm living in the zone where I'm never sure whether or not I'm breaking even from one month to the next, but I also feel like how can I take handouts when I'm not even needy. If I want my girls to have nice clothes for yom tov then I should just stretch myself and not others. But stretching is hard to do.

Is there a right or wrong here? Are gemachs that offer their number before yom tov meant for people like me who want their kids to have something nice and have a hard time affording it, or are they only for people who literally have nothing?

amother

Blush

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 5:23 am

It sounds like you're a candidate. You're not breaking even month to month even while being very frugal and have what it seems just a few thousand dollars as an emergency backup which clothing is definitely not an emergency.
In any case let them decide for you. They usually have criteria and don't just give to anyone anyway. Though sometimes the criteria is if someone is reaching out then they need the assistance. Allow them to do that for you.

amother

Burlywood

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:59 am

depends on the gemach. I've been upfront that b"H we can afford to buy new clothing, furniture tic... but if people have that they don't want we are happy to take hand me downs. We would prefer that people who really need it get first dibs and I was told that she is overloaded with clothing etc... and I should please come and take some! So I did. A gemach that is new clothing meant for poor people to being able to dress their kids trendy is different than a centralized place for hand me downs. Just ask and if she says you qualify than happily take! I've gotten some really beautiful hand me downs Wink

leah233

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 11:13 am

If it is a gemach of gently used clothing you certainly should go. Otherwise it would go in the garbage can or at best be recycled. If I had an almost new dress that I'm not wearing anymore I would be happy to give it to anyone of any income level who will wear it.

The only caveat is that if the gemach itself is very pressed for donations AND by you taking from it some poor person will not be able to afford clothes at all then only take if you really need.

amother

Blue

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 11:25 am

I'm talking about a new clothes gemach, not hand me downs. I get hand me downs from friends but that doesn't always meet our needs especially with older girls who are sensitive to these things.

I emailed the gemach contact and will see what she says. I still feel ridiculous asking for handouts but if they happen to have a collection of new seasonal clothing and oddly not enough people to give them to (are you serious about that? Seems hard to believe) then why not.

rachel6543

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 1:45 pm

Best to just ask the gemach what there rules are, but you shouldn't feel bad for asking.

Being frum is $$, esp with tuition & kosher. It's great if you can save $ from getting things from the gemach.

Financially I think I'm in a similar position as you. I'm not poor, but live very frugally and have some savings. I use my local Gemach a lot. I just had baby #2 and have saved tons of $ getting clothing and baby items from them. I don't feel bad using them. Being able to utilize the Gemach means I can use my $ instead for tuition, diapers, daycare...etc. and whenever I can I donate back to the Gemach to help others.

amother

Tan

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 2:29 pm

amother wrote:

Where are you located? I would love such a Gmach I'm located in Brooklyn. I tried Bobby place and was told no.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 2:47 pm

amother wrote:

We make over 200k and have used gemachs. Our daughter's uniform skirt costs $55, but only $5 from the gemach. With tuition for multiple children and everything else that goes into jewish and regular life these days, we are barely scraping by. Thank goodness for gemachs.

How many kids do you have that you need a Gemach with over $200,000 a year?

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 2:58 pm

I'm a BT and didn't grow up with this concept, but it has been my understanding that a gemach is open to all interested--like a sharing place--you can feel free to get things there, but if you have the means, you should also contribute to it (with money or donations). I didn't realize that it has a connotation of being meant for the poor. Could it be that in certain communities it has that meaning, or that different types of gemachs are more acceptable for people who have means to use (ex: wedding gown gemachs vs. everyday clothing?)

mommyhood

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 3:07 pm

amother wrote:

In my experince, gemachs that lend re-usable things out, (tables/chairs, coat racks, pack n plays, gowns...) are generally meant for anyone with the idea that it's a waste for anyone to purchase something they need so infrequently. Gemachs where you take something for free to keep (clothes, uniforms, money) are usually for people who are having some level of financial difficulty.

amother

Orange

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 3:10 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

How many kids do you have that you need a Gemach with over $200,000 a year?

Six. Tuition and daycare is around 40% of our take home pay. And I don't "need" a gemach, but if it's there, and no one else has taken the skirts, of course I'd rather be able to save $150 and put it towards tuition, savings, retirement, or emergency expenditures. If I didn't use them, they'd be sitting there gathering dust. The gemach owner is so thankful we come there. She has piles of skirts that no one ever borrows. If they were in high demand, I wouldn't be using the gemach. But the fact is that there are tons of gemachs that are underused, and many middle and upper middle class people who are being squeezed but who feel ashamed or ineligible to use them, and they shouldn't.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 4:17 pm

amother wrote:

Yes I think there is often a difference.

I don't live in the US though in England most people use the wedding gown gemachim, rich and poor.

For regular everyday clothes then it is usually for people of more limited means.

Other gemachim like bris package etc are also used by everyone.

I guess it's just clothes which sometimes come in a different category, not sure why Confused

amother

Tan

Thu, Sep 14 2017, 5:29 pm

amother wrote:

Please please tell me where I can find out this information for the gmach!!