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What makes you want to spend time with or avoid a person?
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:17 pm
What are some characteristics that a person may possess that make you want to spend time with her?

Alternatively, what are some characteristics that make you want to avoid a person?

Please be as specific as possible.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:21 pm
amother wrote:
What are some characteristics that a person may possess that make you want to spend time with her?

Alternatively, what are some characteristics that make you want to avoid a person?

Please be as specific as possible.

Spend time: easy going, good communicator and listener
Avoid: uptight, dysfunctional, socially off
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:25 pm
What do you mean by socially off?
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:31 pm
I don't enjoy spending time with people whose main source of humor comes at the expense of others.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:31 pm
Depends. For every friend there is a reason and a season.
Sometimes I need an eitzah. I'll avoid those who have no capacity for sound eitzas.
Sometimes I need a listener. I'll avoid those who are poor listeners.
Sometimes I want to talk philosophy. I'll avoid those who aren't into that sort of talk.
Etc. Etc.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:31 pm
amother wrote:
What do you mean by socially off?

Says things that aren't appropriate
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:34 pm
I avoid people who love hearing the sound of their voice, who love attention etc.

I gravitate towards genuinely nice people who are friendly and polite towards all types
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InnerMe




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:36 pm
s/o who makes me want spend time: Is someone that has an easygoing and relaxed feel. Someone who is comfortable in their own skin. Someone who Ive had pleasant times with in the past.... and I'm sure lots more.
Avoid: I try not to actively avoid people but such people I'd rather not spend longer periods of time: Someone whose very shaky and insecure and needs my approval. Someone who is super anxious. Someone whose fake - like they talk in a way that's not the real them.

But really it's always a combination of past history with said person, as well as personality compatibility.

Same people that I would avoid, would be someones top critiera on their "yes spend time" list as well as the opposite way around. What clicks for me doesn't necessarily click for another person.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:38 pm
I avoid people who are out to impress, who are only busy either discussing others or discussing fashion and food.
I like spending time with people who are genuine and have actual interesting ideas and topics to add. Unfortunately those people are few and far between so most of the time I just prefer my own company.
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InnerMe




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:41 pm
Zehava wrote:
I avoid people who are out to impress, who are only busy either discussing others or discussing fashion and food.
I like spending time with people who are genuine and have actual interesting ideas and topics to add. Unfortunately those people are few and far between so most of the time I just prefer my own company.


That's a sad way of looking at people as a whole. There's a whole lot out there.. if you take the time to look for it.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Sep 14 2017, 10:46 pm
Zehava wrote:
I avoid people who are out to impress, who are only busy either discussing others or discussing fashion and food.
I like spending time with people who are genuine and have actual interesting ideas and topics to add. Unfortunately those people are few and far between so most of the time I just prefer my own company.


I'd wanna hang out with you. I think I meet criteria :-)
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amother
Coral


 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 8:24 am
I really dont like to be around ppl who take their loud opinions about literally everything and in a passive aggressive way make me feel bad about my choices (im noticing this more and more)

I truly enjoy hanging out with ppl who laugh easily , dont take themselves too seriously, and just understand and empathize.
thats all I need in a friend.
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smilealot




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 8:31 am
I connect with people that are emotionally healthy.
I avoid people that shame or blame.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 8:36 am
I like people who are positive without being Pollyanna-like. I like to talk about ideas, not people or things. I like irreverence, a sense of humor and a certain amount of cynicism, provided that the person can also feel real emotion and enthusiasm.
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momsrus




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 8:37 am
I enjoy being around people that are optimists.

I avoid people that are opinionated, critical and think negative about everything and everyone.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 15 2017, 8:42 am
Spend time with: People with humor, who can talk about ideas, verus people or events. Someone who knows how to have a good time, respects others, can jump between serious topics and jokes. Someone who can realte to me, a writer/someone who gets poetry and my writing is a plus! Someone who is loyal, makes time specifically for me, my love languages are touch and spending time, if you are "too busy" than you didn't fit in time for me, so I'm not important. (Not asking for hours. If BH one is married, has kids, etc, I GET it...but no time at all or very infrequent causes me to lose touch. Been through a lot of tough times, so someone who can handle truth, reality, and life, won't shy away and can even crack jokes about it, someone who encorages me, helps me grow emotionally and in spirituality....

Just because someone doesn't have all or any of these doesn't mean I won't spend time with them. I'm just saying the things that attract me most to someone.

No with: People who are closeminded, won't hear others opinions. A lot of times (not all the time...just a lot) "in towners" make me feel like I'm less than and not respected, I don't get their lingo or what you're supposed to say and not supposed to say, people who outright ignore me, don't value me, etc. Someone who is always busy...
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chag334




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 8:51 pm
With:
People who are aware of/in tune with/sensitive to others and their feelings. Down to earth. Idealistic. Deep. Growth oriented. (Is it bad that I feel like I'm writing about myself?)

Without: people who are close minded and think their way is best b'chlal. too quick to judge. Superficial. Too wrapped up in tachlistike stuff.

Personal preferences! To each their own
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chag334




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 8:52 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
Spend time with: People with humor, who can talk about ideas, verus people or events. Someone who knows how to have a good time, respects others, can jump between serious topics and jokes. Someone who can realte to me, a writer/someone who gets poetry and my writing is a plus! Someone who is loyal, makes time specifically for me, my love languages are touch and spending time, if you are "too busy" than you didn't fit in time for me, so I'm not important. (Not asking for hours. If BH one is married, has kids, etc, I GET it...but no time at all or very infrequent causes me to lose touch. Been through a lot of tough times, so someone who can handle truth, reality, and life, won't shy away and can even crack jokes about it, someone who encorages me, helps me grow emotionally and in spirituality....

Just because someone doesn't have all or any of these doesn't mean I won't spend time with them. I'm just saying the things that attract me most to someone.

No with: People who are closeminded, won't hear others opinions. A lot of times (not all the time...just a lot) "in towners" make me feel like I'm less than and not respected, I don't get their lingo or what you're supposed to say and not supposed to say, people who outright ignore me, don't value me, etc. Someone who is always busy...


I would love to see some poetry!
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 9:29 pm
seek: those who have been through very hard times but are trudging along doing the best they can. Think of other people and quick to do chessed or give a kind word. People with similar values in chinuch, emotional health, dealing with life's challenges. (Basically, people in the same boat as I am in now, or have common ground)

avoid: new Yorkers or people hidden under layers of superficiality. People that are too private and never share but expect you to. people that haven't dealt with any lemons. People that cross some emotional boundary or break trust.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 16 2017, 9:51 pm
amother wrote:
seek: those who have been through very hard times but are trudging along doing the best they can. Think of other people and quick to do chessed or give a kind word. People with similar values in chinuch, emotional health, dealing with life's challenges. (Basically, people in the same boat as I am in now)

avoid: new Yorkers or people hidden under layers of superficiality. People that are too private and never share but expect you to. people that haven't dealt with any lemons. People that cross some emotional boundary or break trust.

I can't decide which is less impressive, the fact that you only want to spend time with people in the same life situation as yours, or the fact that you dismissed all New Yorkers as people unworthy of your precious time. Rolling Eyes
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