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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Intermittent explosive disorder/explosive child



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:09 am
I read through the posts here on explosive children and I am wondering is anyone has ever dealt with a child who is only intermittently explosive?
Meaning, most of the time my son is a delight, until he's not, and then he can have a full blown meltdown (kicking, violent threats etc) and he's already 8!
At home unless he's physically violent, I mostly ignore him and he usually calms down.
Mostly, he gets upset at my toddler who gets into his stuff and his space which he does not like and I'm learning to deal with that with parenting techniues from Reb Spetner.
My problem is in school...he's already been suspended 2x this year and even kicked the principal!
He never had an issue with the Rebbe but somehow with the English teacher we run into these 'violent episodes'
Over the years, we've done OT for sensory, psychological evaluations, therapy, we worked a lot on our parenting, had a behaviorist in school with him, we tried tenex as a medication for 'intermittent explosive disorder' but that didn't do anything......any other ideas please?????
The problem is that this happens relevantly infrequently and have proven to be completely unpredictable (in school), but very intense when it does. He's also really bright and way above grade level in most subjects so I am not worried academically at all....
sorry for the ramble, I've rehashed this so many times over the years and I don't know what kind of specialist to turn to for guidance that we haven't already tried as I'm at a complete loss as to what to do


Last edited by amother on Wed, Jun 09 2021, 9:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 3:12 am
So many people seem to be struggling with this sort of thing these days.

Sigh.

Following.
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fireworker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 4:05 am
Try no sugar diet for him.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:29 am
Many are struggling with this...

The school may be not the right fit...our really bright children are not being given what they need often...give him quality moments or short time spans where u learn smthing together...like french, or piano...when u have that kesher he will prob not need to b violent. Maybe children have a need to hit and create this tumult ..like to say "I am hurting...and no one hears me.." maybe if we hear ...and give them words to make themselves understood.. they will not spin out of control in their behaviour

Just some ideas...
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 6:57 am
I have an intermittently explosive child and it's mainly when he doesn't get enough sleep. He's slowly outgrowing that factor.

Have you read the Explosive Child? It's a hard method to implement but it really pays in dividends. One of DS's friends exploded at our house the other day and he said "I used to be like that."

When my child is ready for an explosion, I remove all expectations at the moment (unless it's a safety issue). Then he can usually calm down and we can talk about what happened. You can talk to the teachers about that as well.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 7:26 am
Who prescribed the Tenex? Child psychiatrist? If so, what is the recommendation of the psychiatrist? If it was prescribed by a different physician, I recommend that you go to an excellent child psychiatrist.
Also, did you rule out the possibility of any trauma history? How did you discipline past behavior? Has he been hit either at home or in school?
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 10:21 am
Can easily be contributed to trauma. (and there are a lot of levels of trauma--sx abuse is the high end, but being yelled at a lot by a teacher can also cause trauma in sensitive children)
Traumatized children are often not ALWAYS out of control, rather when they are triggered by something specific or have a memory, suddenly an alternate 'voice' seems to be controlling their behavior and it can be extreme. Dissociation is when a person compartmentalizes experiences or parts of their personality to better deal with a stressful life or past experience. When they are in "good mode" there can be absolutely no weird behavior. When they are in "angry mode" or "scared mode" it is as if a completely different personality overcomes them and they have difficulty transitioning out of it. Kicking a principal at age 8 is certainly not something a person would do when in their right mind. (Dissociation can also cause the child to forget large portions of unpleasant abuse until they feel safe enough physically and emotionally to process them/)
1. get your kid evaluated by a child trauma psychologist
2. ask your child if he feels he "has" to do certain behaviors, almost like a voice is telling him to do it
3. tell your child that no one is allowed to hurt, scare, or touch him, and if that ever happens he can tell you and you will protect and help him as best as you can.
4. keep your eyes open to behavior that is precedented by fear, a person, or a place that might have triggered it. After bad behavior, try to figure out what caused it, and try to get the kid to notice the sequence of what bothered him and how that made him feel he had to act.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Wed, Sep 27 2017, 10:26 am
amother wrote:
Can easily be contributed to trauma. (and there are a lot of levels of trauma--sx abuse is the high end, but being yelled at a lot by a teacher can also cause trauma in sensitive children)
Traumatized children are often not ALWAYS out of control, rather when they are triggered by something specific or have a memory, suddenly an alternate 'voice' seems to be controlling their behavior and it can be extreme. Dissociation is when a person compartmentalizes experiences or parts of their personality to better deal with a stressful life or past experience. When they are in "good mode" there can be absolutely no weird behavior. When they are in "angry mode" or "scared mode" it is as if a completely different personality overcomes them and they have difficulty transitioning out of it. Kicking a principal at age 8 is certainly not something a person would do when in their right mind. (Dissociation can also cause the child to forget large portions of unpleasant abuse until they feel safe enough physically and emotionally to process them/)
1. get your kid evaluated by a child trauma psychologist
2. ask your child if he feels he "has" to do certain behaviors, almost like a voice is telling him to do it
3. tell your child that no one is allowed to hurt, scare, or touch him, and if that ever happens he can tell you and you will protect and help him as best as you can.
4. keep your eyes open to behavior that is precedented by fear, a person, or a place that might have triggered it. After bad behavior, try to figure out what caused it, and try to get the kid to notice the sequence of what bothered him and how that made him feel he had to act.


Brilliant post.
Are you a professional or do you have personal experience with the topic?
I appreciated your insight.
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