Is this "unsanitary?" (PS: (No) thanks for your judgment)

amother

Orchid

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:36 am

I had a situation yesterday that I dealt with the only way I could think of, which I knew was very awkward but figured it could be lived with. The reaction I got was so embarrassed

I need to vent and also want to clarify in what way it was "unsanitary."

I got notified about 10 minutes before school pickup that a child in DD's class had lice. This was apparently reported from home because there was no lice inspection in school (they just had one a couple of weeks ago) and because of the late notice they were unable to get anyone in, and yom tov vacation was starting right then so the next school head check can only be after yom tov.

In addition to not wanting an infestation at home, there was an added urgency that we're going away for the first days and it would be even more horrible to go and infect another family. So it was imperative that I check my kids immediately.

NOTE: I had NO indication that any of my children had lice. This was a PRECAUTIONARY check because of the news from school coupled with the upcoming travel.

Issue: This notice came 10 minutes before pickup, and I was going straight from work to pickup to an appointment for my other child (the one who did not have known lice in her class.) The appointment was with a therapist so my involvement was not needed beyond just getting her there and back. "There and back" is not especially close to home so it includes waiting for her during the appointment. Besides the lateness, I couldn't cancel because there would be no chance to reschedule since we'd be away for almost two weeks due to yom tov (in addition to missing appointments last week for RH and erev YK) On such short notice I couldn't get anyone else to take her to the appointment either.

Then at night I had an appointment for myself, also hard if even possible to reschedule due to yom tov timing. The kids would be with a babysitter who definitely would not be able to handle a lice-check.

By the time we get home from other-DC therapist, it's supper-bedtime and less than 2 hours (including supper) before I had to leave.

My head was spinning trying to figure out what to do. Then I had a very awkward but possibly inevitable brainstorm - I ran home in between work and kid pickup, grabbed a lice comb, a small spray bottle, and a mini bottle of conditioner (I keep them in stock for mikvah!) While other DC (who had no lice reports in her class) was at the therapist, I took DC (with the lice report) into the bathroom, which has several stalls. Sat her down on a stepstool in the corner while I sat on the floor (in retrospect it would have made much less of a stir if I'd done it inside a stall. But there's a great big sunlit window in the outer area, plus the sink. And hindsight is 20/20.) Filled the spritz bottle, sprayed her hair, rubbed in conditioner, and started combing.

Thank G-d there were NO LICE. NO NITS. PERFECTLY CLEAN HAIR.

Of course I felt extremely uncomfortable doing this. The only thing I could do was chatter to my DD whenever someone else was in the bathroom (maybe 3 people came in during the whole time) saying things like "You're doing great! So far so good! Sure am glad the teacher told us ABOUT THE *OTHER* KID so we can CHECK TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE CLEAN BEFORE WE GO TO GRANDMA'S (hint to bathroom-user: We are clean. We are in an urgent timing.)"

Finished just in time to pick up DC from therapist. As I exited the bathroom I saw someone had posted a sign on the door saying something to the effect of "This is a shared space. Please do not use the bathroom to comb your child's hair for lice. Keep the bathroom sanitary."

First of all, this is not a common enough situation that you need to post a sign. You could have a conversation with me directly. I highly doubt anyone else before or in the future will be combing their kid's hair in the bathroom, if I'm the only crazy person then you can "educate" me personally.

Secondly, of all the unsanitary things that could happen in the bathroom, how is sitting on a stepstool (note: used for children's feet to stand on. If it's unsanitary for anyone, it's for the kid sitting on it) and combing her hair (only my hands touching it) to check it for cleanliness (no bugs involved, though I suppose that could not have been guaranteed which was the point of checking) "unsanitary?" It would have been FAR more unsanitary to have a kid with potential lice sitting on the COUCHES in the therapy center's waiting room!

Anyway I kept my bright red face buried in my phone until we were way cleared of the place. Unfortunately other-DC was late coming out of therapy so I had to sit (on said waiting room couches) while my clean and neatly combed and re-ponytailed DD played on the floor nearby.

The situation was embarrassing by default but I am about twenty times more mortified. Especially since the sign was a sneaky passive-aggressive way to NOT give someone any chance to explain and apologize.

embarrassed

I'm sure many reading this will also be judgy instead of sympathetic but I really needed to get this off my chest.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:45 am

Also, what would you have done if you were in this situation?! (informed at 3:20 that lice were reported in a child in your child's class. Going away for sleepovers the next day. Back-to-back appointments. WWYD?!!!)

mommy3b2c

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:46 am

Can't say I completely understood your story. But honestly, you did nothing unsanitary and the person who hung up the sign is a very rude person.

dovebird

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:50 am

You did nothing wrong. You are a great mom! Don't worry about it.

amother

Gold

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:51 am

You did fine. Could be this other woman has some traumatic memories of a bad case of lice and got freaked out. No matter.

watergirl

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:52 am

amother wrote:

Are you really asking what we woukd have done? Seems extreem to do a lice treatment in your situation. I would have simply checked the head for lice. With my fingers. Or lice comb. Do you do this every time you get a notice about lice? What you did was beyond the scope of a public bathroom. No judgement. Honest answer to your wwyd question.

SixOfWands

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:54 am

So, if there were lice, you intended to pick out lice and nits in a public place, where other people really have no choice but to be (I mean, if you gotta go ....)

Totally unsanitary and disgusting. How would you feel if someone was picking bugs out of their hair next to you?

As to what choice you had .... you could have altered your schedule, in order not to perform a very personal task in a public place. You didn't want to be inconvenienced, so you inconvenienced others.

amother

Denim

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:54 am

I dont judje you at all. I think you are a good problem solver. You did the right thing. I wish all mothers would take a lice notice as seriousely as you did, especially a day before yontif.

watergirl

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:56 am

So you all do full lice treatments each time you get a lice notice from school?

mha3484

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 7:59 am

If it were me, I would have taken your older kid into their appointment and gone out to my car and taken care of the lice issue. I think public bathrooms are not the place for anything more then using the toilet and leaving.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:04 am

What full treatment? I checked her with a comb. Point being that if I found anything I would drop everything and call one of the emergency $200 lice treatment places, and if I didn't find anything then I would save myself the time and expense.

And that is exactly why I all-but-announced that whenever anyone walked through. Because I knew it looked really weird/bad but wanted them to know that I was just doing a precautionary emergency check. Hence my loud comments to DD. Maybe I shouldn't have been too embarrassed to just talk to the people directly and briefly explain.

(@mha3484: No car. I took public transportation to the appointment. The appointment is 45 minutes and is about 20 minutes from home.)

watergirl

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:08 am

amother wrote:

Comb+conditioner is a treatment. Did I misunderstand your useage of the conditioner and spray bottle?

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:08 am

Lice checking takes a few seconds and typically does not involve conditioner or a full comb-out. The onlooker probably thought you were doing a full lice treatment in a public place, which would have been inappropriate.

lavenderchimes

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:16 am

I think your solution was pretty genius. I would not have had the chutzpah to do this in a public bathtoom, though. I probably would have done a cursory visual check, and have cancelled my later appointment (unless it was for the mikveh,) and done a full lice check then. No judgement, though, because I think you were very clever and responsible:)

The person who put up the sign should have come to talk to you -- not that this would have been better for you!

Good Yom Tov! I hope you can get some rest:)

mha3484

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:16 am

Another option could be is to politely explain your situation to the office manager and ask if there is a room you can use to take care of the issue. If you ask nicely they are not as likely to be passive aggressive.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:26 am

Conditioner is to make the hair smooth so the comb can get through. Where I come from this is standard preventive/checking measures. Especially if there is a full-blown case of lice in one of the kids in her class (it's a young child so there is a lot of play contact, not like big kids who sit in their separate desks) Many people I know do this every few weeks as standard practice but I never do it unless there is a reason to suspect something - I'm not efficient enough to have an hour to spend combing my kids.

I would not trust myself to find and nip anything in the bud by looking for a few seconds. They also had a lice check in school just a couple of weeks ago so if she had anything it would be small, that's not enough time for an infestation. Visually scanning wouldn't be enough to find one bug or a couple of tiny eggs.

mha3484 that is a VERY good point about asking the office manager. Now I'm kicking myself for not having thought of that. I don't expect this particular situation to happen again but I am definitely going to keep that in mind for any future awkward needs. Why didn't I think of just plain asking?! embarrassed

Zehava

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:29 am

Getting notice when there are other kids with lice?
I get notice when dd has lice. Or nits. Although more often than not it was completely untrue.

watergirl

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:30 am

amother wrote:

So chalk it up to different cultural sense of whats proper, and move on.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:45 am

Zehava wrote:

Getting notice when there are other kids with lice?
I get notice when dd has lice. Or nits. Although more often than not it was completely untrue.

Really? I thought this was common practice. I will now officially consider myself lucky. I already appreciated the notice but I didn't realize it's not standard. Unless maybe you're in Israel and lice come around relatively often? Here it's more like chickenpox. If a kid has something unexpected and contagious, you warn people away from it.

They did not say which child it was, just that the individual was being taken care of and they strongly advise checking your kids a couple of times over vacation and will have a professional double-check the whole school when school resumes on Monday after chag.

mha3484

Wed, Oct 04 2017, 8:49 am

We got notice of lice in early childhood along with a host of other diseases. Its usually a generic someone in Nursery has X letter which I find annoying. My sons teacher actually broke the rule last year to tell me that a kid in the actual class had hand foot and mouth after I had a baby.

Now that my son is in the all boys yeshiva building I don't get notified. Maybe its just less common with little boys who have shorter hair cuts. We have regular lice check but thats it.