Public school- should we send?

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 10:53 am

For a few reasons, but mostly due to the fact that I cannot stomach paying for my child(ren)'s tuition and not saving and basically just making ends meet, I am seriously considering pulling my 4 year old out from her school in favor of sending her to our local public school (well-rated, nice environment, close by, etc.) for the next 1-3 years. I went to yeshiva day school myself and got a pretty bad education, and currently work in the same school I send my daughter to (I'm a teacher here in the upper grade level) and see such a lack of financial transparency and general ineptitude overall. TBH, this is mostly stemming from that article that was being passed around a few weeks ago-- where a frum man claimed he could afford to "be Jewish" on $40K/year-- which got me thinking: what if I could save the $12K/year (X2 kids, and that's WITH the tuition break that teachers get!)?

My only REAL concern is my anxiety levels. As someone who grew up frum, and spent the majority of her life in an incredibly insular lifestyle, I cannot imagine sending my daughter out to the "public school system" that our community (both yeshivishe and modern orthodox) so greatly fears.

Can anyone help me out? Advice? Ideas? Opinions? I'd particularly appreciate the "definitely yes" or "absolutely not" responses. I don't plan on "dragging" my friends' kids along with my girls-- I asked their advices, and they all said it was a great option, but no one seems to be willing to pursue it as far as I am-- so we'd literally be doing this by ourselves :/ Has anyone been through this?

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:11 am

amother wrote:

If you make aliyah, you can send to public (or very low cost private) school and get a quality Jewish education. What would you be willing to sacrifice for that?

OP here: It's a great point, but neither myself nor my husband are interested in making Aliyah, for multiple reasons, but mostly just disinterest. I would be willing to sacrifice a LOT for my kids' Jewish education-- I already am working two jobs just to support two kids!-- but I wouldn't be willing to change my entire lifestyle/location.

mha3484

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:23 am

I think the biggest issue is that you will make your child be the different one socially and not all kids can take that. She wont be able to participate in birthday parties, organized sports other community events that take place on shabbos. Any time there is food she wont be able to eat it. She will dress differently. Some kids are super confident and can do well even if they are so different, other kids cant. You really need to know your own.

leah233

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:26 am

DrMom wrote:

I guess if you are going to shave off a few years of dayschool tuition, there is some sense in doing so at an early age rather than in high school.

If this is the plan make sure the day schools in your area would be willing to accept a former public school student.

This is not a comment on the general idea.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 11:34 am

Hi there,

so I was the other poster who is now breaking and sending to public school most likely. Also financial reasons. Anyhow, just wanted to point out that once you put in public chances of going back to yeshiva may be very slim. First of all not all yeshivas will accept a kid who comes from public. The child may not be at a level in kodesh where he or she can easily transition back to yeshiva or may simply not want to. Just my two cents. I'm ok with it, but you may not be , idk........

amother

Mauve

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:00 pm

You can homeschool and hire tutors so you don't have to do all teaching and supervising. Depending on the state you live in, the government gives money to you for this. Also, there are online public schools, look into that.

I would never send my children to public school for financial reasons. I'd do all sorts of radical things like homeschool, ask my parents for money, etc. before I did that. In my opinion , it's playing with fire. Some people get burned,some people don't. But it's taking a risk with what I believe is my most important task in life (at this stage): raising frum children.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:37 pm

I feel very strongly about the importance of a Jewish school. There are all sorts of pitfalls with public schools, the social aspect (birthday parties on Shabbos, trading snacks), academic (they will never get even close to the level of kodesh learning when it's just an extracurricular). I would sooner homeschool than send to public school, and though we haven't reached that point, I've been thinking seriously about how I'd make it work, because it may very well go that way.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 12:49 pm

I'm the poster of another thread who is sending to public due to financial reasons. Everyone says homeschool. LOL , how am I supposed to homeschool if working full-time. I'm a single parent. And even if there is a 2 parent home, many mothers work outside the home and cannot home school due to that or some other reasons. Home schooling is not that easy. If properly done it takes a lot of skill and knowledge and the kids should be taking exams annually to make sure they are on the skill level. I think with younger kids it's easier but when kids get older and the material gets harder it can be very challenging.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 1:00 pm

If you are generally happy with the yeshiva and your daughter is happy where she is & you plan to anyway move her back in 1-3 years, please consider strongly whether the financial savings of those few years is worth the upheaval back & forth for your daughter.

Also consider are there any other alternatives for long term if don't think tuition will be sustainable? Other locations with cheaper tuition/standard of living that can possibly move to?

amother

Bronze

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 1:16 pm

I could never homeschool. Aside from the fact that I work, I have no desire to be my children's teacher. I love my kids, but honestly, I don't want to be with them 24/7. I think it's good for kids and mom to have a break from each other during the day. Too much togetherness wouldn't be good for us. Also, it would mean I'd need to spend a lot of time preparing and learning things myself and making sure I understood them before teaching my kids. And I don't have the patience to teach anybody anything. No, homeschooling doesn't appeal to me at all.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 1:58 pm

amother wrote:

I do feel very similarly. There's a reason I'm not homeschooling now- if I was that gung ho about it, I'd be doing it already. However, if the choice were between homeschool and public school, I would homeschool and find a way to make it work. I've been thinking of ways to make it doable because the chance of having to make that choice is now quite a bit more than zero. I'm just sharing my perspective on the importance of full time Jewish education, which is what the op asked for.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Oct 09 2017, 2:37 pm

amother wrote:

It sounds like OP would try it for the youngest classes, and then transition back for first grade. Is there really so much more limudei kodesh before first grade than a child in a frum home would naturally pick up? If anything, she may come back to yeshiva ahead of the class in reading.

We'd consider doing just that - send to great local public schools before first grade - but the social and family pressure is unrelenting.